HELP!How to convert a money waster? (sry long)

System

Judi what will you do now? Sell the Van?

Nahh he will hang onto his motors and moan at me until he realizes he just cant do it anymore and ive told him, our savings arent there to bail him or his motors out. However, i have realized something. Since all our household bills are in my name. If things went pearshaped, i would be accountable for any debts. Which would mean i would have to break into the savings to keep myself out of debt. :eek:

Lillibet_2

Judi wrote:

Nahh he will hang onto his motors and moan at me until he realizes he just cant do it anymore and ive told him, our savings arent there to bail him or his motors out. However, i have realized something. Since all our household bills are in my name. If things went pearshaped, i would be accountable for any debts. Which would mean i would have to break into the savings to keep myself out of debt. :eek:

Very true, put everything into joint names at once, this will make you jointly & severally liable. What this means is that a creditor can chase either one of you for the full ammount (it doesn't just make you responsible for 50%) but if you aren't traceable or can prove that you don't have the means to pay (i.e are bankrupt/in prision etc:eek: ) then the creditor is much more likely to give up with you/not file a bad debtors report against you, & go off & chase the other person, especially if they are traceable/have an income etc.

HTH

bargainqueen_2

That's terrible, I hate the way the system works, one causes trouble and the other has to pay. So do you people then generally think separate finances are the way to go? We are not even married yet so who knows what kind of impact anything would have on us, but I have to very seriously consider not marrying him if it could mean me suffering for his lack of money handling! (There's Progress in sight though- I must have nagged hard enough as he just came in and said he wasn't going to pursue his very expensive hobby until we had built up a cushion in the bank!?) I wonder if I accidentally fed him drugs in his dinner.

Lillibet_2

Personally I'd want all joint outgoings in joint names & the same for savings which we are contributing jointly to. Indvidual savings I like to keep seperate. However, at present we both have seperate incomes & are happy with the way we divide our money up. (Equally for all joint things & the balances are ours to do as we like with in our case) For many couples this is a contentious issue & it can take a long time to find the right balance for you. If you live on one income or one person earns significently more than the other or has more debt then these are personal circumstances & you need to work out if one will be supporting the other, effectively making a single income a joint one, or payign a proportinally bigger part of outgoings in the case of diffrent sized incomes, or one paying off anothers debts etc etc. There are lots of options. I lkie to think that we are a coupel & wouldn't want weach othe rto suffer when we can prevent it, but there is no getting away form teh fact that we both earn our own money. As I have said before, you can't put a price on happiness & I wouldn't want money to come betweeen my hubby & I , I just like things to be very clear & organized. Of course, getting to that stage was another thing......

I guess it's whatever works for you:p

John_M_Business

I know this seems harsh - but the best way is an even-handed way...

I am the only income-earner in my household, but totally support my wife in her role as a full time mum (and, as mothers of young kids will testify - it is a full time job!).

We have this arrangement that any purchase over £25 we have to refer to the other first (the only exceptions are essential purchases (like food) and presents (but we agree a budget)). This stops the ludicrous impulse buys, the selfish acquisitions - yet allows the other to bless their partner by saying 'yes'.

Now you just have to get your partner to say 'yes' to this!!

System

So do you people then generally think separate finances are the way to go?

Dunno the answer to that. The reason why our finances are totally seperate as MrJudi and i seperated for awhile. It was so much hastle transfering stuff to my name when he left, and even when he came back i chose to keep things as they were. I said i would never be put in the position again when i was in such a muddle - however, i dont like the idea of being liable soley for the debts we would run up if i had no savings to fall back on if things turned sour again. Call me a pessamist if you like - but its safer!!! Now he just pays me housekeeping which covers all the household bills and food bills which normally leaves me a bit to save.

jellyhead

my husband was in a lot of financial trouble when we got together, his debts were three times his salary :eek: i didn't have any debt, having lived on income support for 5 years while bringing up young spud and finishing my degree but he'd been living with someone as rubbish with money as him, yet all the debt was in his name, what a plonker :rotfl:

anyway, once we got together spud started school and i was working part time. we pooled our money, looked at the budget and agreed a certain amount of 'leisure' money each per month. his salary gets paid into my account because i get interest, he doesn't. he gets his leisure money transferred to his account, when it runs out he can't spend any more. he does have my credit card for petrol and work expenses, but if he uses it for leisure i take the money from his bank account. i don't actually use my leisure money for myself, it gets used on family days out, swimming etc. his is gone within a week of him getting it. he knows that if he abuses my credit card i'll get the account cancelled, and nobody else will give him a credit card. he knows that if he spends twice as much as he should it means going without leisure money completely the next time he gets paid.

i know this sounds harsh, and at the moment i'm on maternity and will stay at home with the baby so it's his wages i'm keeping tight hold of, not mine. but he's seen the budget, he knows that if the money got out of control we'd lose the house. his leisure money is generous but games consoles are an expensive hobby. he just has a different outlook towards money, he works hard for it and wants to be able to spend it on what he chooses. he can do this within reason but he knows i will never bail him out (i can't, i don't have any spare cash in the budget) so if he overspends one month he goes without the next month. he's got used to it now and is actually quite frugal compared to how he was, but his attitude to money hasn't changed, he still likes to splurge, he likes to spoil himself and he sees payday as a day to spend money on what he wants. that's fair enough, it's the way he is - as long as he's not spending money that he hasn't got it's okay that he enjoys spoiling himself. some people enjoy spending, i don't. i don't think he's childish, he's just different to me. i don't nag and don't get annoyed. i know plenty of women who enjoy spending money, whose husbands think they have too many shoes and buying more is totally stupid, it's not always the case that the men do the spending.

i think your problem is that he knows you'll bail him out so he's never had to live within his means. what if you talked about it with him and he said he needs more leisure money than you've agreed on and would prefer to put less each month into savings - would that be okay or would it drive you mad?

trafalgar_2

John_M_Business wrote:

We have this arrangement that any purchase over £25 we have to refer to the other first (the only exceptions are essential purchases (like food) and presents (but we agree a budget)). This stops the ludicrous impulse buys, the selfish acquisitions - yet allows the other to bless their partner by saying 'yes'.

Now you just have to get your partner to say 'yes' to this!!

ours isn't set at any limit,but any major purchase is discussed and 'blessed' or not
but we do this as a matter of normal communications anyway it's just called being 'together':j

gravitytolls

Oh please try not to let it get you down.

I think most men, sorry chaps, are not so good with money.

They like new toys, and they can't wait for them. And like most kids, when you tell them (or teh print out at the cash machinetells tehm) that they can't dos oemthing, they want to all the more.

But you know, the easiest way to teach 'em to take responsibility is not to bail them out. I know it's hard, but it's often teh only way.

I took responsibility for our finances several years ago, after we had dreadful debt problems. The bank account was solely in my name, and we managed to get ourselves straight.

In recent years the account has become joint once again, for mortgage purposes, and he has had credit cards. I have now cancelled his cards, and taken out alarge loan to cover them. He's banned from applying fo rany more, and I keep one for emergencies, as we have no spare cash any more.

The moral of the story is, keep your man like your cat, let him outto play, but don't let him go fully loaded.

jellyhead

lol!
i agree that you shouldn't bail out someone who's irresponsible with money but i really don't think it's exclusively a male problem. yes men tend to want new toys, but lots of women want clothes or shoes they don't need, plenty of women get into trouble with compulsive shopping.