The second hurdle - Nichelette v the huge mortgage

Nichelette

I should preface this by saying I'm the eldest of 4. I hated it as a child. As an adult I love my siblings and am happy I have them, but growing up I hated sharing a space and really struggled. I started a notebook at 10. I lovingly clipped out photos of houses for sale from the local paper. That was followed by kitchen bits from argos (remember when it was all dark green and blue 😂). Then the booklets on mortgages. I wrote about what a mugs game they were and how I didn't want them 🙃. I still have that book. A home of my own with adequate space has always been massively important to me. I've always been an old soul. Life changed and I saved my dad in 2011 after my patents divorced. I didn't know at the time that it would wreck my future financially. 

Pros and cons part 1 - Job

Leave job: 

Mental health. I'm so done. 

I'd get some time with 2 year old. DS1 got more time with me as he was 2 when DS2 was born and only at nursery 2 days a week for 18 months. DS2 is a grade 1 clinger. DS1 wasn't. I feel a lot of guilt. 

I could take kids to appointments without having to juggle with work. They were supposed to see dentist on Halloween and still haven't because I'm trying to juggle work with it. My boss is great but I still feel guilty constantly asking for adaptions. 

I'd have time to clean house during the week and not cripple myself all Sunday catching up whilst feeling like I live in a dump during the week. I don't like it.

I'm an introvert and completely unsuited to my job. I'm naturally self deprecating but I am actually good at my job. I don't say I'm good at much, but I think those who don't actually want the responsibility/authority usually make better people managers. 

DH is incredible at his job and will probably progress a lot in the near future. We could manage in our house on his existing salary. He has a very special mind. He was a fraud analyst for a bank before he left home. That was the perfect job for him. 

I don't want my bosses job

I have no idea who will replace my boss.

I don't dislike my bosses manager as a person, but work wise I struggle to deal with her. My boss is the buffer. He knows how I feel and protects me from it because he knows I'm good at my job. I'm not sure how long I'd last directly reporting to her.

I'm sick of being shouted at by unreasonable !!!!!!*oles

We now report to a different directorate who are very ar*e licky which isn't me. I believe in honestly, fulfilling promises and doing my best. They capitulate to those who shout the loudest. 

We're about to get a huge amount of complaints because our service is going to get 4x more expensive. They will all come to me. Thanks OFGEM 😆

I've been dumped with other team leaders job. I don't think she'll ever do that job again unless I leave. 

Wildcard: Could move to Scotland but we'd feel very alone. All we know is in Surrey though DH is from Glasgow. MIL passed in 2019 and was the glue. In laws lived in same village as us until a bit after we married as MIL knew her littlest was settled and was happy to leave him. FIL is an obstinate b*stard. He drove 500 miles to see his brother. He was under 10 miles from us and didn't come to see DS2. He has never seen him and doesn't care. It actually makes me really sad as we had a really good relationship before. Long story but DH didn't want to leave me heavily pregnant as I'd had pre eclampsia with DS1 (spoiler, got it again 😂). I think FIL took umbrage and blames me for DH not going up more. He's an adult with autonomy, and I swear on my children's lives I've never told him what to do, or stopped him from doing anything. 

Don't leave job:

I'm at max matched company pension contributions, though I think it's only 13% which is nothing compared to civil service 

I do want to work for my mental health. I've always worked. Even when I was on maternity leave, as much as I love my kids it was nice to get back to work. 

I'm so institutionalised I have no idea what else to do. 

My pay is okay and I WFH 3 days. 

My boss is great 

My boss plans to retire in April and I'm his natural successor = possibly more money 

If I go for my bosses job I might be able to negotiate PT. Though I still don't want his job. 

My team are amazing and I love them a lot. I did their job many years ago and we have a mutual respect. 

I think I'd struggle to find another job with the same conditions

I lost time with the kids and paid for both to be in nursery FT so we could afford a bigger house. If I give up now that was pointless. 

Pros and cons house to come. Also about to go into remortgage 3, so I guess I should start a new diary as this is 4th hurdle 😅

beanielou

Did it help at all to write it all down? 

Bargainhunter30

My questions would be:

Do you like your job?
Can you job share? I'd be reluctant to reduce days as you will probably end up with the same work on less days.
It's hard to find part time jobs with a good wage - I've found.

"I lost time with the kids and paid for both to be in nursery FT so we could afford a bigger house. If I give up now that was pointless." Will you look back in a few years and think I've now lost this much time? Is a bigger house worth it over work life balance? You wouldn't be a failure for changing your mind. We all learn as we go.

Nichelette

beanielou said:

Did it help at all to write it all down? 

It was good actually. I'm going to do another 3 with staying in this house (which isn't really a long term solution as it is too small, it's a shame as otherwise there is a lot that I love, but we could perhaps manage another 2 or 3 years at a push), going to a middling house, and pushing for a bigger house. 

@Bargainhunter30 a job share is actually a good idea. Honestly I don't love my job, but I would say I've been doing it for so long I could do it with my eyes closed so it's pretty easy for what I'm paid (am on 44.5 currently and definitely feel like I'm bring paid for my knowledge and experience). I'm sure I'd struggle to get anywhere near that hourly PT, but I'm happy to consider less money to be happier as long as we can survive without struggling as I don't really want to swap work stress for financial stress. I will say that I have to grit my teeth a lot which I'm finding harder to do lately, but maybe if I wasn't there every day I might last a bit longer. I do like the amount of autonomy I have. A lot hinges on what happens when my boss goes as I do think it's likely they'll try to palm a lot of what he does on to me too, and since we moved directorate he has (understandably) been pulling his hair out to be honest. 

A teaching assistant job came up at school recently which would have been great time wise but I don't have the qualification they wanted. I did look at what I'd need and would consider doing it, but it's a bit of a risk as really to work with the kids it would need to be at DS1's school and not another one (we're in a village so only one close school for timings). Obviously the pay isn't amazing so doing it at another school and using wraparound care (if I could even get any as all booked up currently) probably wouldn't work cost wise. 

When I first thought I might get made redundant a while ago I did panic a bit, but now I kind of wish they'd just do it so the decision is made for me. In spite of everything I'm quite sensible as much as I'm mentally done. I do think having it forced on me might actually be a good thing longer term, and obviously the 20k would help to buffer things for a while. 

debtfreewannabe321

I think a list is always helpful.
What I read into this is, you're scared to change (institutionalised), you think you won't get another job paying the same (I'm going to stick a leg out here and say I think you would!) you work for your mental health - is this good or bad? Because I think when you work a job you don't particularly love it's bad for your mental health when you spend most of your waking time committed to it. I think a break although a big change could be good for your mental health.
However I appreciate that we all have mortgages, commitments and can't just do what we please for the most part (I should know I've stuck out awful jobs before for fear of not being able to get another). 
I love that you made a scrapbook of homes and kitchens by the way 🤣🤣 that is totally something I would have done as a child 🤣.

Nichelette

@debtfreewannabe321 Yep, think you've prettymuch hit the nail on the head 😅. I think my book is in the loft somewhere. I definitely still have it. If I come across it I'll post some photos for a laugh 😂. 

We've got a shared family app thing that we add shopping bits we need to. I was planning to use the £5 off £40 on the lidl app as DH has it too, but he got the bits on it from Sainsbury's, no doubt at more expense too🤦🏻‍♀️. Fortunately there wasn't loads, but still... He makes it so hard to keep track as he can't sit still for anything and is always in supermarkets. I genuinely think he has ADHD. I'm quite content at home with a book or whatever, but he just cannot do a single day in the house without losing the plot. Anyway, I will see if I can continue to track my food spend because he's making it quite hard and more work which I could do without..

I went through my drawers yesterday and have got rid of a black bag for recycling (mostly comfy but had it jumpers - I only need so many to mooch about the house in), plus another 10 or so bits that are okay to charity. Next thing is the wardrobe as I unfortunately have lots that also no longer fits in there 🙃. I'm going to try and buy better in future. I hate buying things that wash up terribly and last 5 minutes. Feels so wasteful. Someone is also hopefully coming to get the knee brace that has been milling about the house for years since DH injured his knee. 

We have a dump run booked for 2 - need to remember the bits we forgot before 🫠. 

Will meal plan and get bits for up to Friday. Yesterday we had the rest of the aubergine chilli that was left over and DH had chicken traybake as he bought some yesterday. We only ate half the pie my mum made so going to have the rest tonight with veg and roast potatoes again. DH will have same with chicken (he's obsessed). We're still working through super sized potato bag and I feel like we've still got a fair amount of food. I might buy some store cupboard stuff with DH's voucher. 

Nichelette

I've gone off the radar a bit because last week was insanely busy at work so I've been too shattered to do anything 🙃.

DH lidl voucher was only £30 spend in the end so used that. Food spend is actually going pretty well though tbh I don't have an exact figure due to DH again. I think I'm going to have to give up tracking as he makes it impossible. Last weeks 'big' shop was £38 exactly (though he had bought some fresh stuff the daily before). He went on Sunday and didn't get a receipt or scan lidl app as the store it is registered to has moved and is now closed so it wouldn't let him use it 🤦🏻‍♀️.

DH has taken DS2 to get his cast off today so that's another £18 for train. We get paid on the 13th and have roughly £1500 left, though I will probably need fuel before then (I don't use loads though). No premium bonds win for 4th month. Luck has clearly run dry!

Mortgage has gone so no bills left. Will update signature in a minute.

Nichelette

Have paid £500 off the mortgage. Am sure there will be more left but don't want to leave us short of cash in case..

DS2 has to go to London yet again as one of the splints has a bit of give and isn't up to standard. He can use it for now, but that's yet another day of holiday gone, plus paid nursery day and train ticket 🫠. We're in a fortunate position that we can absorb it, but not everyone could. That's on top of the 2 visits before his op for the splint that he didn't need and wasn't used. Obviously grateful to have the NHS, but the efficiency...

beanielou

When I was wee (a long long time ago) I used to have night splits. By the time they were made they were always too small. I hear you.

Nichelette

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81869599#Comment_81869599

He has a pair for the day and a pair for night that are at a greater angle to try and stretch the ligament more. It is definitely less angled than pre op but obviously there is a way to go still. He will be getting some physio appointments but fortunately they will be closer to home (apparently). He has been SO good with it all bless him.

Was hoping for an interest rate cut today but looking unlikely 🥲. First direct seem to have better rates than Halifax. I didn't really want to have to switch but I think it's worth the saving so I'm going to also call a broker at some point. Forgot DH had hygienist yesterday so that's -£80.

Have also discovered I have about £35 in clubcard vouchers. I haven't had post from them for ages. I have no idea what was going on but neither of the emails I used showed as being registered with them (one definitely was historically), so I re-registered and they appeared. £5 had expired but am grateful that is all. I need to use them for something as the next lot expire in a few weeks. They can be used on IOW ferries so I might look into that.