First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

Have you told her you haven't been fair to her. With regard to your son how you treat your wife may well be how he treats his in the future. Whether we like it or not we frequently become our parents. 

alt80

Tried going to bed early same time as wife but couldn’t sleep. Thinking about ftype not just that I miss it but the figures too. I never thought it was £53k, just didn’t think about it in that way. All I thought was £790/m, never considered any other costs which added up to £7k over the time I had it and including deposit / finance just over half a year’s income. Don’t think about the Range Rover in the same way - we get a lot of use from it but the ftype was pure indulgence and I used to drive it in a way that scared people. Scared myself a few times tbh. It used to be the only thing that I got some sense of release probably why I was on a massive downer after it went last week. I do miss it but I don’t miss the fear I was going to lose my driving licence or run out of talent and cause a big accident. Could have spent that money on property or wouldn’t have the current £37k card debt. Actually checked twice writing the amount owing on cards - payments have gone out and additional cleared from sales = £3k off. I’d have said that were impossible last month really pleased about that tbf.

Wife doesn’t know but I’m thinking about preordering her an iphone 12 which comes out tomorrow. I know it’s unnecessary spends she’s got an iPhone 11 Pro so still a really good phone but she loves getting a new iphone every year and we could sell hers.

@ladyholly spent a lot of time talking to my wife tonight about all sorts including working on my mindset or I’m going to spend my whole life perpetually in debt. She doesn’t get the being addicted to spending thing - she likes spending but doesn’t get the high or compulsion.

My son is a really kind boy don’t think he’ll be like me probably not a bad thing I have been distant tbf. 

warby68

Morning again
Something big seems to have clicked @alt80
The opportunity cost stuff and who your wife really is for you sound really good things to let into your brain.
At first, I imagined a spoilt gym bunny who probably had domestic help and just did status stuff. Your wife however is a grafter, just a grafter of another sort, supporting what she sees as a joint endeavour which possibly you've only seen as entirely your own so far. Plus she's still there for you. You have been spoilt rotten.
A 6 year old boy - I envy you that stage. Mine were truly wonderful at that age - like sponges for learning and so kind and loving and just generally a joy to be around. I promise you, you could be his hero in five minutes, probably already are.

PS The iphone12 sounds a bit reverting to type though where you buy her things to make up for other things. Maybe have another think about that. Its not the biggest sum in your world, but it is part of the bad habit. At this stage of your new joint way of doing things, possibly even ask her. Its early days as she probably has her vices too but it seems like a good time for a joint decision, not yet another of you calling the shots. Then the phone will be a joint weakness and not another thing to throw at each other or maybe you'll decide against it. Good luck. Old habits die hard

MidsHollie

DON’T GET THE PHONE!!!! You get p!ssed with her for buy a £45 case but you are fine to buy her the new phone, at I imagine £1000 plus. That is not ok. Like warby said, you are doing things joint now. Tell her this morning. Say you thought of surprising her with it but decided it needed a discussion. If she really wants it, why not plan it as a Christmas gift?

RelievedSheff

I can only echo what the others have said about the phone. Think again about that. She already has a good phone, it isn't like she needs another one.

ladyholly

You know your time and attention  (perhaps with the occasional bunch of modestly priced  flowers ) will, I am pretty certain,  mean more to your wife than any number of expensive presents including phones. She doesnt need another phone but if you really want to get it for her ask her first or as Warby68 says get it for Christmas.

ryanm8655

Agree with others re: phone, don’t do it for all the reasons listed. Get it her for Christmas if you’re going to. It seems like you’re feeling guilty and reverting to buying her things to make up for it. You’re also feeling a lot of love and empathy for her but rather than expressing that you’re thinking buy her something to express that love. That’s a habit you need to break. Maybe help her prepare dinner or do it yourself instead, that’s a real gesture. Make the effort to do it once a week, even if it’s just helping or on a weekend.

As tough as it is for you, it’s really refreshing to read what I have from you about the F-type. That’s exactly the sort of thinking that will ensure you don’t get into this situation again. And will likely lead to you prospering more in future as well.

TheAble

More consumer goods hey? ;-)
An 11 Pro is more than enough phone for the next few years. Just focus on getting your debts paid off for now, and then accumulate some savings. There'll be plenty of time for the fancy toys once you've achieved these things, and they'll feel much better when they're not set against a backdrop of money stresses.

getmore4less

The key with the f-type lesson is  just think about what you need and want, with the wants they have to be good value against the other options that your family wants that have to wait as you make the choices.

What's done is done, not easy to change the past but you can change the future.

When it comes to tech I have a inbuild reluctance to chase the bleeding edge as with a lifetime in the industry you get to realise it is all about trying to extract as much money from you as possible with something new and shiny that does basically the same thing as the last one you bought.


Apple are the masters at this and suck people in.

With all phones they hide the cost in the £Xpm contracts that also sell you more than you need.
 
There are a few strategies to extract the best for your money when you don't need that fastest, newest, latest.

Running a 1-2  releases behind(50% saving easy), buy and keep till it breaks(battery stops working) are two good ones if you don't need any new feature.

A quick look at the rumours, suggest as well as just being a faster and shiny, 5g and camera are the main improvements
5g won't be needed for a while so why pay for that. 

Best to wait to see what  the early reviews come in with what you really get for the money then see if there is any new feature that is a must have.

What you really should do is put something in the budget for tech, you decide how much and then look at how you spend that the best way possible to meet your future needs, for the wants you could raid the presents part of the budget to top up the funds for the shiny stuff.

Has the kid got into game tech yet? 
You have to decide between the latest game consoles or a fancy expensive gaming PC because you can't have them all.






.
 

ladyholly

When it comes to tech many manufacturers use buyers to test products rather than proper testing before the launch to save money.. Don't know if Apple do but so much new tech seems to have bugs. My dh never buys a new launch and before retirement he worked in the electronics industry.