First Steps to Solvency

ladyholly

I agree with warby68 and enthusiastic saver. You have come a long way in a short time. Keep going and you will get to where you want to be. Have a lovely day with you family.

mothsinmywallet_2

We're all here believing in you and willing you on. I think a switch will flick for you mentally and you will start seeing the game that is debt reduction. As previous posters have said it is highly addictive. I can't wait to see the success you make of it. I think the moment you apply what is obviously a brilliant business brain to your personal finances and family life you will find happiness beyond anything you dreamt of before. 

Growth mindset - you can and will do this. Change is really difficult, looking at one's own shortcomings is also very unpleasant. The rewards of getting through this bit are boundless though. This is one part of a long life.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

@getmore4less no that’s just finance costs haven’t counted insurance / tax / petrol / servicing. Don’t really want to if I’m honest - any point in this really?

Depends if you want to get to the bottom of your problem.

You may be trying to ignore the car costs because you don't want admit to yourself they are what got you into debt in the first place a lot of the talk is distraction from the car issue


The idea of retrospective cost analysis is to work out what it really cost,  not that oh it only £x00 pm I can afford that it a tiny amount.

Try some true analysis comparisons against other priorities  for the life of the F-type

How many BTL could you have bought.

What was the lease time 3/4Years?  that time used up over 6 months of income and nothing to show for it 

To sit in the car for 15mins(10miles at 40mph) you had to work for over 1.5hours, probably more like 2hrs when the full costs are added up.

pick your own examples and look at your priorities.

You can't have everything now  so you need to decide what comes first you can only do that if you know the true costs of the options in your head.

theoretica

alt80 said:

@PassElephant Perhaps there’s more to life than making (and spending haha) money. Yes she surprised me today - keep buying the investments and they’ll pay out. She’s right. Less of the expenses, more of the investments. Often she does surprise me, she’s not stupid and I think that’s what frustrates me so much - not stupid but very little if any drive for herself.

I wonder?  I suspect it is just a different drive from yours as she seems to have done well at getting what she wants in life which doesn't happen by accident. 

One-step-at-a-time

I was thinking this too - from what you've said about her here, she seems to have been pretty upfront in stating her goals of not working outside the home and being a parent. It's quite an eye-opener sometimes realising that your definition of success can differ so greatly from other people's - doesn't mean that any of those definitions are necessarily wrong or more/less deserving of respect.

getmore4less

True success and wealth is not determined by what you earn it is determined by what you spend.

Many get the spend bit the wrong way round, less not more. 

clairebeth

But your wife does have drive!

Even from reading this diary I can tell that your wife:

Is very fit, maintains a healthy lifestyle and encourages you and your son to do the same. 

Cares for your son, and, (alarmingly) I've just read that she's only one that sees to him in the night, how exhausting. 

Maintains extended family relationships. 

Has interests that bring in some money. 

Wants to work on your marriage.

Has taken the debt thing on the chin and seems to be doing a stellar job of turning it around. 

Sounds like she's got her priorities sorted to me. I'm not sure she's the one that deserves resentment here. Parenting without the support of a partner is extremely tough. If I was the only one doing bedtime, homework and gymnastics taxi all the time, I'd be pretty resentful, not to mention tired, and not sure I'd feel inclined to contribute so much to the family income. (In fact, if my husband and I weren't pretty much 50/50 parenting I'd not be able to work at all).

alt80

Brilliant day today, out all day with the family. Nothing spent (not counting petrol as I’ve not had to fill the tank so already bought). No spend day and absolutely buzzing for it haha. Done what I said I would, no downer, no arguments, no stress. Even went with wife and son to in-laws for lunch. Wife has told them which I already knew but actually had a really decent conversation with FIL for once. He and I are never going to share the same views on things generally tbf but would much rather a pleasant lunch than spending the whole time trading insults (MIL is an amazing cook so happy to be fed there anytime haha). Drive over to sister’s was uneventful, son had a great time playing with his cousins and enjoyed dinner together as a family. She still lives close to where we spend our late childhood / teenage years - middle of nowhere lol. Almost definitely going to be in local lockdown tomorrow so enjoyed last day of freedom.

@warby68 I shouldn’t downplay the risk I know what the risks are and if ever things went wrong at the current LTV with the PGs and there was a need to liquidate and a shortfall in value my home would be on the line. I assess the value of the portfolio every 6 months or so myself - appreciate it’s hard to be objective about your own sometimes but have much more of an idea than most LLs being in the work I am. At some point I want to concentrate on chipping down the LTV to the point I’ll be able to secure lending without PGs. More a long term aim. Come a long way from a £20k loan from my other Ltd. though haha.

Know what you mean about the school fees. Since looking at the card debt issue it feels like a massive commitment. Didn’t before as I entered into it without really thinking about the actual cost because wife wanted him to go there.

@getmore4less Sounds like you think I ought to be running my personal life how I run my business. Often work out if decisions were for the better or not financially retrospectively - as you say gives an opportunity to see what it really cost and assess the alternatives.

Have done the calcs... had the car for 27 months in total to do 10.5k miles.
£46,100 in finance / deposit
£1,300 insurance
£1,250 in tax
£1,050 servicing
£800 petrol (10.5k miles @ 17mpg x av. £1.30/l for petrol)
£50,500

or £4.81/mile or £1870/m or two properties.

Is it reasonable to be almost in tears looking at that?! Even I can say 10.5k miles in a fast Jag wasn’t worth getting 2 cheap houses.

@clairebeth I’ve not been the world’s greatest dad tbh one of my biggest regrets. Not seen any of son’s milestones so far. For first year I asked wife to sleep in room furthest from mine to deal with our baby absolutely not proud of that, put wife under a lot of stress. I regret not helping more - didn’t really come to terms with even having a kid until he was 3/4 and looking back I felt I earned the money, she wanted kids so why should I have to help. I knew it was wrong - showered wife with presents rather than presence a lot then. Don’t need anyone telling me I was a complete !!!!!! for that or it’s at least partially responsible for the card debt. Hoping working on the family life will help with working on the insatiable spending appetite. 

clairebeth

Yay!!! What a brilliant day!! Could you do this most weekends? (Unless you're not allowed to because of covid). Also, getting a good meal at MIL saves money as well as improves mood! Then you just have beans on toast for tea!

So pleased you have had a chat with FIL (did you discuss money stuff or other stuff?) I do think he sounds ok... when he talked about you spending on the 'never never' he wasn't wrong, you were literally giving him a bottle of wine paid for by someone else. But that's all changing now and he's probably relieved to see it. As you've seen from this forum, it's pretty frustrating watching someone flush their money down the toilet, must be worse when your daughter is married to them!

getmore4less is a numbers person.  Literally, every post is a really interesting calculation! It removes the emotion from the situation and shows you the reality in cold hard numbers.  That's what you have now seen in the calculation on the jag. 

I have a challenge for you. 

Just out of interest... even if only for yourself, no need to post it here or act on it if you don't want to: I challenge you to do the the same calculation for the range rover.

Good luck!

alt80

Goals W/C 12th Oct

1. Spend less than £50 entertainment probably not going to be hard this week.
2. £10 groceries spend (have everything we need so should not be spending anymore than a few quid on milk or loaf of bread).
3. Check and update the Yolt app daily.
4. Structured work days - 9am starts 5.45pm finishes, emails off in evening. Lunch with wife. Eat dinner with family rather than wife cooking twice. Working from home all week (lockdown) apart from fee earners booked.
5. Train with wife 4x this week. Going to regret this I know haha. She’s already decided what we’re doing so no chance of backing out now.
6. Activity with son everyday - probably going to be dog walk not going to be allowed to do much else...
7. Not punch the TV when Boris announcement happens tomorrow... OK that one is not real lol.