First Steps to Solvency

PassElephant

Lovely. You had a good day and your wife earned your respect re the BTL deposit.
Someone earlier wrote about having dreams as a drive to carry on with debt repayment. This is a brilliant strategy. It really worked for us. Every spare moment was spent on researching and trips to view the thing we dreamed of. But you have to dismiss the dream before you pay out any cash.
It's like window shopping.  Fun, frivolous and free.
Keep on paying down those cards. You are both doing well.

ryanm8655

I like the dreams point. Another thing that changed my mindset a bit was finding out I was being left a little bit of money that will (sadly) likely come to fruition in the next couple of years. It made buying a house a far more realistic prospect and gave me the extra kick up the chuff to get rid of the debt in that time frame. It’s good to have something to plan for. As it happens, thankfully that relative is now in a much better place health wise so might hang on a while longer but it has still helped motivate me earlier in my journey.

As for saying the OP isn’t listening. I can understand that some of the things being said are frustrating and hard to hear but in fairness he has listened and is making some positive changes, not least sending one of the cars back. Just spending within his means is a huge transition. Yes it’s necessary but it is also hard and Rome wasn’t built in a day. I think people make valid points and eventually that will sink in but these things take time and he is doing really well considering where he was before starting this diary.

alt80

No debt progress today - no sales. Small entertainment spend and no alcohol tonight - usually have a drink at the weekend. Rearranged visit to sister - going in the afternoon after wife has been to in-laws for lunch so son can play with his cousins for an hour or two. Can share driving too, still sleeping badly so wasn’t really looking forward a 3 hour round trip. 

@PassElephant Perhaps there’s more to life than making (and spending haha) money. Yes she surprised me today - keep buying the investments and they’ll pay out. She’s right. Less of the expenses, more of the investments. Often she does surprise me, she’s not stupid and I think that’s what frustrates me so much - not stupid but very little if any drive for herself.

Have to admit I have read back some of the things I’ve written and thought ‘you really are a n*b’. My mindset is skewed I know that when I put the effort in with family time I’m in a lot better place yet I’m always detaching myself to the point of convincing myself everything would be fine if I weren’t married. Probably wouldn’t be lol and this stuff kicks off serious spending sometimes for me and sometimes to make up for being a s**t husband. Considering my son is nearly 7 this is really bad but he couldn’t sleep so for the first time I sat with him, let wife have a bit of time off. Know if I don’t change my attitude I’m going to have an impact on him when he’s older.

Not sure window shopping would work too well for me right now - I don’t really have the discipline to trust myself not to actually spend and it affects my mindset - just start thinking ‘what a loser, can’t afford the AM / house / whatever’.

@ryanm8655 Not going to be left any money mate so no point in waiting around for that though pleased to hear your relative should be around for a little longer. Know what you mean about it helping the focus for you. Either way you’ll get there with the house - absolutely no doubt.

I am finding this journey really difficult and quite a bit of typing before engaging brain having read back some of the stuff I’ve written. Not in a great place tbf and I do think some responses have touched a nerve and I’ve reacted in a negative way. 

PassElephant

Lots of progress today. No  spending is huge. Well done.

PassElephant

It really is all dreams. You can play all you like without spending anything. And then chuck everything to the cards.
And  dream on. Because that is fun.

alt80

@PassElephant not quite no spending - £35 out of entertainment but shouldn’t make any spends tomorrow apart from petrol and the tank is full.

alt80

@Narola1976 just read thanks for posting. I’ve not calculated any dates for paying off the cards apart from approximate number of months accounting for sales and without them. Tbf I’m terrified of setting a date and failing to meet it. It’s ridiculous wouldn’t be afraid of this in business but in my personal life I can’t detach missing a target from failure.

@monetxchange I’ve no one to turn to not that isn’t family and that’s always difficult or people I know through work/ property or cars. Don’t want anyone irl to know. Suppose I’ve always tried to maintain an image of being untouchable and as a result distance myself from others even people I should be able to share everything with. 

RelievedSheff

Good to hear that you are having some quality time as a family and chilling  out. And that you are now talking to the wife more.

You have made huge steps in a month. You should be proud of what you have achieved in a short space of time. 

The trick will be sustaining it long term now.

warby68

Good morning @alt80
The last few posts have really touched me.
We have to remember your battle is with yourself and not really with us. I hope you know by now that although this forum is anonymous, these are real people willing you on. That's the beauty in a way - in real life none of our paths would probably cross and if they did we wouldn't gel or have things in common,  but here there's a common aim. Your real life does come across as lonely, noone you can be real with. Let's hope your wife at least becomes that person, she's still surprising you and clearly wants to support you. So maybe I was wrong to say take a break from here - its not the other posters you are doing battle with really, its yourself and in a funny way the sounding board IS clearly being heard.
My harsher points are to do with risk and not downplaying it. I work in commercial/corporate finance, at the riskier end, have seen plenty of failure - 75% (and possibly 80% or higher if a new assessment of valuation was done post Covid) plus PGs is at the higher risk end - I don't want you to downplay that. Also seen a lot of failure due purely to personal issues and nothing wrong with the core business - just over.stripped for lifestyle, retirement (or divorce!) and even simple eye off the business ball for personal reasons. Again, I see these as borderline risks for you. I was too scared to take massive risks in real life, we did a bit with school fees and pushing a bit for a nicer house and setting up a business mid crash plus we do like.a nice car too but ultimately have kept fall back positions, so I genuinely admire the entrepreneuers who drive forward, especially from nothing. I've never been in debt - most is mortgage and one car at a time. I hang around these boards due to the school fee burden which was like a massive debt but we're through that. I do hope I help sometimes, small way of giving back and do have the perspective of never using debt to add. More people are former problem debt graduates I think. 
I love seeing people turn it around - some names really stick for that - I'm hoping you're one of them. You're making progress even if its painful, teethpulling, progress so have a lovely family, low spend day and get looking for your next business opportunity tomorrow

enthusiasticsaver

@alt80 I just popped on to see how you were doing and you seem to really be taking advice to heart. I think maybe I have been overly critical with you and someone reminded me this is a complete change for you to have to go to watching your money as closely as you now are so I apologise if I hit a nerve. Great news on the sales money coming off the card and the admirable restraint you are showing on spending. Fingers crossed for some good sales this week and only two weeks until your next budget reset date.

Good you are spending more family time with your wife and son. I would love to see you succeed with this, get your finances on a better footing and move forward to the life you want.