First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

There is a real risk that you are using your wife's fondness for Apple as an excuse for spending and the gift would be more for you and the pleasure of giving/spending than for her and receiving/using.  So maybe think about it - but then remember it isn't in your budget and don't do it.

alt80

Agreed what’s done is done with the ftype can’t keep on losing £50k/£100k all the time though. Finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact I need to work to a budget and don’t really earn what I’d like to. Hard to not think you’re a bit of a loser when finding hard to make ends meet? Always told wife she never needs to worry about money all BS on my part. 

I get so many email advertisements, end up scrolling through and buying. Came close this morning and I do buy a lot for wife some guilt etc related sometimes because I know she’ll like it, look good and I get a bit of a high from finding something to spend my money on. Probably am thinking about the phone for reasons not entirely selfless - it’s an opportunity to spend money and not really think about it not like it’s £1k upfront. The phone is not at all budgeted for and wife has said she’ll stick with the phone she’s got until the contract is due, doesn’t seem to upset about not getting the 12 but not sure if that’s just because she knows about what’s going on re my finances.

ryanm8655

alt80 said:

Agreed what’s done is done with the ftype can’t keep on losing £50k/£100k all the time though. Finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact I need to work to a budget and don’t really earn what I’d like to. Hard to not think you’re a bit of a loser when finding hard to make ends meet? Always told wife she never needs to worry about money all BS on my part. 

I get so many email advertisements, end up scrolling through and buying. Came close this morning and I do buy a lot for wife some guilt etc related sometimes because I know she’ll like it, look good and I get a bit of a high from finding something to spend my money on. Probably am thinking about the phone for reasons not entirely selfless - it’s an opportunity to spend money and not really think about it not like it’s £1k upfront. The phone is not at all budgeted for and wife has said she’ll stick with the phone she’s got until the contract is due, doesn’t seem to upset about not getting the 12 but not sure if that’s just because she knows about what’s going on re my finances.

I think a bit of perspective is needed and it might help your mentality.

You’re not struggling to make ends meet or anywhere near...you just can’t buy whatever you like, whenever you like. There are probably only a handful of people in the world who aren’t in that position and even then they probably are in one way or another.  Can’t afford to have every plane in a hanger and every boat in their own port, can’t own every football club...you get the point...a resource constraint is a fact of life. It doesn’t mean you’re struggling to make ends meet.

I get it though, I used to think the same way and still do to some extent. It’d be nice to afford your current/previous life style, no questions asked. Then you’ll be happy...but no...because we always want more. The more I earned the more debt I accumulated as my tastes progressed. I kinda miss the days of being satisfied by simpler things.

Logically, the only way you’ll ever achieve that comfortable lifestyle of not having to think about what you buy is to adapt to living within your means, whatever those means are. Otherwise you’ll always crave more than you have, to the extent of feeling limited/constrained.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

Agreed what’s done is done with the ftype can’t keep on losing £50k/£100k all the time though. Finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact I need to work to a budget and don’t really earn what I’d like to. Hard to not think you’re a bit of a loser when finding hard to make ends meet? Always told wife she never needs to worry about money all BS on my part. 

I get so many email advertisements, end up scrolling through and buying. Came close this morning and I do buy a lot for wife some guilt etc related sometimes because I know she’ll like it, look good and I get a bit of a high from finding something to spend my money on. Probably am thinking about the phone for reasons not entirely selfless - it’s an opportunity to spend money and not really think about it not like it’s £1k upfront. The phone is not at all budgeted for and wife has said she’ll stick with the phone she’s got until the contract is due, doesn’t seem to upset about not getting the 12 but not sure if that’s just because she knows about what’s going on re my finances.

You do make me chuckle sometimes. You will make the ends meet if you cut down on the spending and learn to live within your budget. 

You are only doing the easy cuts at the moment. It will get harder when you try to find deeper cuts to the budget!!

PassElephant

@alt80 Don't read the emails. Chuck them into spam. 
Oh and well-done for Sunday.

theoretica

Good, you have identified another spending trigger and can decide how to deal with it.

Perhaps it would help to look at it from the other side - if you hadn't been so successful with earning you would have hit the stop of needing to budget much tighter than you want to much sooner.

getmore4less

Remember any new contract is a new debt for the total amount due not a tiny £xxpm.

A contract upgrade is starting a new debt before the old one has been paid off. 

clairebeth

Another bit of homework for you then - unsubscribe to those emails! Sit for half an hour and do as many as you can, the rest just unsubscribe next time you get a new email from them. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how, but just scroll to the bottom and click 'unsubscribe'. Very cathartic and so much nicer only to recieve emails from real people. Makes your head less busy. 

People who can't make ends meet don't drive around in super expensive cars on hire purchase. They need that money to eat and heat. 

The Range Rover is still the elephant in the room, no matter how much you don't want to admit it.  Get rid of that and most of your (debt) problems are solved. Don't forget that you have been using credit cards because you are driving cars that your can't afford.

When you did your calcs, did you account for the balloon payment thing (again, sorry, I don't understand car finance) in your overall cost?

If you got rid of the RR tomorrow, how much would you NOT need to spend on it?

I have heard of people who only see the monthly payment and not the overall cost... but you are a smart businessman, this should NOT be you!

Well done on thinking the f-type over.  I think it's SO important for you to see where your money has gone so you don't make that same mistake again. 

I can absolutely assure you that your wife won't thank you for a new phone when she's cutting back on other things that are probably more important to her and she's putting such an effort in. This sort of expense is one that you discuss. What we do is buy a phone outright, for instance I got a new Samsung Galaxy A20 (all the same functions as any other galaxy), last year for about £150 and will keep it for about 4 years, eh is usually the time that things start to get buggy/ smashed/no memory. Then I pay £10 a month with giffgaff for 10gb and unlimited minutes and texts. 

Your wife sounds like she works incredibly hard in all aspects of life. Have you considered how much you would have to pay someone to live the lifestyle that she ensures you have? Cleaner/ gardener/ cook/PT/childminder/valet?

Also, just one other thing... about her having to sleep in a separate room with your baby boy... I'm not trying to make you feel guilty about it, but something like that can affect a mother long term, I felt desperately sad and lonely for her when I read it, she may have developed PND and could affect her feeling of self worth and confidence in working outside the home.  It might be why she works so hard at exercise, as an escape. Just something worth considering and perhaps talking about as a couple going forward. 

And yes, cook her dinner! Tonight! Your son could help!

alt80

Already got rid of some of the emails.

@ryanm8655 You’re right no amount would ever be enough to satisfy me. I am making ends meet with the current budget - no new debt was the aim but right now I’m actually paying off (would be even without the sales). Just find the budget extreme and can’t make ends meet living the lifestyle I want.

Know what you mean about being satisfied by simpler things - always been cars for me there was a time that if I could lay some rubber down at the lights in my knackered E36 M3 and not break anything or get a ticking off by the local plod I was a very happy boy lol. Used to enjoy nights out / weekenders wife stopped that but used to get f**ked up too often so did need to grow up. Good times though.

@RelievedSheff You’re the one with a boat lol. Don’t think I can cut anymore tbf. 

@getmore4less I usually take her ‘old’ phone and run it until the end of the contract. Given up my phone just have the business one so not really an option. Would cost about £1.5k going by previous costs over the contract term. Asked her if she wanted one and she said she’s ok can live without it so going to leave it anyway. 

@clairebeth I can cover things as they are and make inroads into the debt just a budget I don’t want. I’m not getting rid of the Range Rover. The balloon is not accounted for yet. If I get to the point of the cards being paid I’ll look at it then or it’ll either be refinanced or I’ll buy a new RR and save for the balloon / buy on HP. Not the best I know but it is what it is now.

Always been very separate between business and personal. Yes I know how things work but never bothered to consider from a personal level. Stupid I know.

You’re right about my wife working hard at home. Don’t think for a second she’d stay with me if I earned £3k/m lived in a new build semi and drove a 320d though. You’ve no idea how much that hurts to know you wouldn’t have the one person who is meant to stick with you through anything but who would go if you couldn’t make the income. She wanted a kid, I didn’t but I do really care about him now. Also she has not worked for a long time way before son was born. Always exercised a lot and had no kind of pnd - she loves being a mum. She has everything she could want. 

Lol I’m not cooking in the week. Will help her with roast on Sunday though.

alt80

Goals W/C 12th Oct

1. Spend less than £50 entertainment probably not going to be hard this week. £0
2. £10 groceries spend (have everything we need so should not be spending anymore than a few quid on milk or loaf of bread). £0
3. Check and update the Yolt app daily. Done
4. Structured work days - 9am starts 5.45pm finishes, emails off in evening. Lunch with wife. Eat dinner with family rather than wife cooking twice. Working from home all week (lockdown) apart from fee earners booked. Day 2 been in and out of house. On hold on phone for 2 hours so been working on and off this evening. Not switched email notifications off.
5. Train with wife 4x this week. Going to regret this I know haha. She’s already decided what we’re doing so no chance of backing out now. Planned rest day.
6. Activity with son everyday - probably going to be dog walk not going to be allowed to do much else... Erm not tonight.