First Steps to Solvency

One-step-at-a-time

Those years will pass either way, but they'll go by quicker than you would believe. I started paying my 50k off when I was just shy of 45, I'll be done with it at 49. It really doesn't feel like almost four years already. For the first few months stress levels were through the roof, but they did subside. You can spend that time going in circles and adding to your stress, or you can spend that time fixing the situation and improving your mental health in the process.
Digest and repeat this phrase: "What other people think of me is none of my business". 

ryanm8655

MidsHollie said:

Perceptions are strange things. When I see a business owner driving round in an old car, I don’t pity them or consider they aren’t doing well. I actually don’t think about it at all. But when I see a business owner driving round in a brand new expensive car I do think about wether I’m paying them too much for the service they provide. This was exactly the case with the fitness studio I was using that was providing an OK (but not great) service. The service they provided didn’t match the car they were driving. And so I considered that they made too much profit from me! 

I’m sure I mentioned this before, but I’ll say again. Have you considered the option of your wife taking complete control of the finances, and giving you “spending money”?
Id also have a look at habit theory. Seems like spending and thinking about money is a habit. Breaking a habit is much easier to do if you replace it with another (better) habit. For example, every time you want to look at a car website or go to JL, go and find one of those £10 items that you can’t be bothered to sell. I’m sure it would all add up pretty quickly! 

The managing partner of our office when I was at EY had a load of awesome cars, a 911, Range Rover, Maserati Gran Turismo...but he also had a Mini Cooper S that he took out to clients who didn’t like the whole flash thing as they just thought their money was paying for his car rather than the service. He could afford them (would’ve been on £500k+ a year) but even he wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed about driving a Mini, he loved it. He was a car guy too, had many chats about cars.

Now I know how much a leased Range Rover costs I actually look at the people in the John Lewis car park with a little bit of pity if anything, as they’re wasting all that money on a lease. So many people use debt to pay for things these days, it’s considered normal but it isn’t a healthy way to live.

Agree re: the habits too...sure I read that it takes about two months to break a habit. Avoid doing something for that long and things become much easier. Do something for that long and it becomes a habit.

@alt80 Re: being in this position for years, you really won’t be...I’ll have cleared the best part of £30k in debt in about 15/16months by the time I’m finished. It’s all on 0% so everything you pay on it actually goes towards clearing it down. You can wipe out £15k with proceeds from your sales. Once you’re settled into a routine/habit of living within your means you’ll be ready to make other small changes to have further impact and the debt will dwindle...you could have it gone in a year...

If you don’t get a grip now you’ll likely do something like remortgage to clear your debts and then build them all back up again (like you already did) and then eventually you won’t have the equity to do that again plus you’ll no longer be eligible for 0% offers due to affordability. Then your job becomes much harder and it will be a slog. That’s when your lightbulb moment will finally come as you won’t have any choice. This might be some years down the line but trust me it will come. It happens to so many on here...my lightbulb moment only came when most of my 0% offers ended and I wasn’t eligible for more. At which point my minimum payments increased massively due to the interest on the cards. When that eventually happens you’ll find yourself having to fork out more than that £1000/month and most of what you pay will be going on interest. You won’t be able to maintain your lifestyle on credit as you won’t have it available. You won’t have a choice over keeping the cars and the school etc. It won’t be a nice place to be. I wish I hadn’t let myself get there and listened to the naysayers the first time I posted on this forum...

alt80

@MidsHollie Wife - think you have and is not happening. Would agree it’s a habit - doing something more productive with my time would definitely be better. Need to find the motivation for deals again I think.

@One-step-at-a-time I can believe they will. My 30s have passed scarily quickly and because my wife is barely 32 I think I’ve spent most of the last decade almost thinking I’m still 20-odd. Really hit me when she turned 30. Know a lot of people don’t have issues with the age thing but I have for a while - never enough time / never enough money lol.

Everything to do with the personal banking etc has gone out the window this week - easier to avoid it. None of the positive stuff or things that put me in a better frame of mind. 7pm and still at the office as usual haha not doing anything productive either. Work better today tbf have managed to have some ‘moments of clarity’ and work productively. Took a junior member of staff out on a fee earning job nice to see them progressing and being able to provide some mentorship - For the job definitely nothing else unless they want a run down of how not to behave in your personal life haha.  

RelievedSheff

Daft as it sounds we had a 54 plate mini diesel and it was a fantastic driving car.

amanda_p

Your Range Rover doesn't actually belong to you does it?It is a rented car that quite possibly you will never own. Can you not see all that money every month is really just rent.It is certainly not an asset, just a huge financial drain so you have a shiny new toy to drive. 
My son is a surgeon and he says all the consultant car spaces are filled up with old cars, he actually said old bangers!Some of them have private practices, so an NHS consultants salary plus an additional large income from the private sector. They could all afford Aston Martins,Bentleys etc.  Nobody would look at what they drive and think they are successful in their chosen field, but these are some of the top neurosurgeons in the country, making life and death decisions every day. They have no need to justify what they do by what they drive. If they park a Bentley in their space rather than a bashed about Ford Focus , it doesn't mean they are the best surgeon because they have the best car.
Whatever you may think no one really gives a hoot about what car you drive. Why would they? If only you could shift your mindset I feel you would be a lot happier.

ryanm8655

RelievedSheff said:

Daft as it sounds we had a 54 plate mini diesel and it was a fantastic driving car.

I had a new Cooper S some years back, was a lot of fun. Though also a foolish financial decision... 

I’d have one again for sure. Though I’d rather spend the money on something second hand and cooler these days. Was great for London though and would average over 40MPG despite being pretty nippy/fun.

warby68

I have a diesel Countryman - I love it, my little fast tank
A Tardis car as well for a family - could easily pile in several of the rugby team plus kit.
Round here, the flashiest cars attract the most ridicule - they aren't admired that's for sure.
We're in construction related work, the seriously wealthy investors and developers seem to tootle round in a white van day to day, fun cars kept well out of sight. Turning up to your HMO, in a full fat RR, like Lord of the Manor........well, the names you would attract wouldn't be polite.

PassElephant

ryanm8655 said:

MidsHollie said:

Perceptions are strange things. When I see a business owner driving round in an old car, I don’t pity them or consider they aren’t doing well. I actually don’t think about it at all. But when I see a business owner driving round in a brand new expensive car I do think about wether I’m paying them too much for the service they provide. This was exactly the case with the fitness studio I was using that was providing an OK (but not great) service. The service they provided didn’t match the car they were driving. And so I considered that they made too much profit from me! 

I’m sure I mentioned this before, but I’ll say again. Have you considered the option of your wife taking complete control of the finances, and giving you “spending money”?
Id also have a look at habit theory. Seems like spending and thinking about money is a habit. Breaking a habit is much easier to do if you replace it with another (better) habit. For example, every time you want to look at a car website or go to JL, go and find one of those £10 items that you can’t be bothered to sell. I’m sure it would all add up pretty quickly! 

The managing partner of our office when I was at EY had a load of awesome cars, a 911, Range Rover, Maserati Gran Turismo...but he also had a Mini Cooper S that he took out to clients who didn’t like the whole flash thing as they just thought their money was paying for his car rather than the service. He could afford them (would’ve been on £500k+ a year) but even he wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed about driving a Mini, he loved it. He was a car guy too, had many chats about cars.

Now I know how much a leased Range Rover costs I actually look at the people in the John Lewis car park with a little bit of pity if anything, as they’re wasting all that money on a lease. So many people use debt to pay for things these days, it’s considered normal but it isn’t a healthy way to live.

Agree re: the habits too...sure I read that it takes about two months to break a habit. Avoid doing something for that long and things become much easier. Do something for that long and it becomes a habit.

@alt80 Re: being in this position for years, you really won’t be...I’ll have cleared the best part of £30k in debt in about 15/16months by the time I’m finished. It’s all on 0% so everything you pay on it actually goes towards clearing it down. You can wipe out £15k with proceeds from your sales. Once you’re settled into a routine/habit of living within your means you’ll be ready to make other small changes to have further impact and the debt will dwindle...you could have it gone in a year...

If you don’t get a grip now you’ll likely do something like remortgage to clear your debts and then build them all back up again (like you already did) and then eventually you won’t have the equity to do that again plus you’ll no longer be eligible for 0% offers due to affordability. Then your job becomes much harder and it will be a slog. That’s when your lightbulb moment will finally come as you won’t have any choice. This might be some years down the line but trust me it will come. It happens to so many on here...my lightbulb moment only came when most of my 0% offers ended and I wasn’t eligible for more. At which point my minimum payments increased massively due to the interest on the cards. When that eventually happens you’ll find yourself having to fork out more than that £1000/month and most of what you pay will be going on interest. You won’t be able to maintain your lifestyle on credit as you won’t have it available. You won’t have a choice over keeping the cars and the school etc. It won’t be a nice place to be. I wish I hadn’t let myself get there and listened to the naysayers the first time I posted on this forum...

Just this.
The day there are no choices is something you can avoid.

ryanm8655

warby68 said:

I have a diesel Countryman - I love it, my little fast tank
A Tardis car as well for a family - could easily pile in several of the rugby team plus kit.
Round here, the flashiest cars attract the most ridicule - they aren't admired that's for sure.
We're in construction related work, the seriously wealthy investors and developers seem to tootle round in a white van day to day, fun cars kept well out of sight. Turning up to your HMO, in a full fat RR, like Lord of the Manor........well, the names you would attract wouldn't be polite.

I don't want to hate on the cars as there's nothing wrong with them if affordable. But my good friend's Grandad is a multi-millionaire, owns several properties in central London, he's even got a house worth several million that he just uses for storage of building materials (big old townhouse in maida vale), owns a restaurant etc. He drives an ancient E class Merc estate around. Couldn't give a crap about the car he drives. Actually see a lot of older cars in the nicer bits of London where people have clearly got money (granted you see the new Ferrari's etc. too).

alt80

Re Minis - I have a real dislike for them. Yes I’ve driven one and don’t see the attraction. I don’t like hatches or FWD cars; always had RWD cars or 4x4s. My choice/ preference - lots of people prefer FWD/ hatches, their choice. Not just about performance cars I’d much rather drive a low powered 3 series than a Mini. 

Re ‘wealth whispers’ etc Cars are something some get and some don’t. Do I wish I wasn’t interested sometimes - yes, life would be a lot easier but I am interested. Again my choice and nothing to do with how much/ little I have I’ll always be a car guy. Do I think people judge - yes, we all do plenty of cars have ‘images’ or image problems lol: Fiat 500 - daddy’s little princess, A4 - rep / middle manager / family man, Range Rover Sport - n*b / slumlord / footballer’s wife. @warby68 I know plenty of investors / developers with no interest in cars whatsoever and who give those of us interested in them a certain amount of stick. Also know plenty with an interest. Do some tenants / investors / others probably think I’m a bit of a n*b, yeah that’s quite likely. Are there some who’d take great delight in knowing I’m going through hard times - undoubtedly. There’s a big difference between always being the one turning up the the van / Mini / Astra or whatever and being known as someone who likes driving a different type of vehicle but suddenly started turning up in the first type. To spell it out if I turned up in a Mini or whatever tomorrow people would ask / judge.

@ryanm8655 I know things could and will (if I don’t / can’t) be a lot worse. That’s why I want to deal with it. I’d like to be at a point of having the cards paid and the accounts closed. Literally keep one for spends (paid off each month) and no more. 

I genuinely cannot see how I can clear the cards in a year. Wife has had a few bits sell to friends and I’ve told her this evening it needs to come off the balances of the cards, we can’t just keep it or I will spend it so made a £400 payment from a £500 bag she sold (told her to keep the £100 And I was going to pay off the card at the end of the month but just cleared). She had another bag sell for £650 so that’s taken the balance of the Barclays to £8200 as I put a bit extra to round it down to the nearest hundred so first actual overpayment made. Felt strangely satisfying to take the balance down and like a positive step In the right direction - doing what I said rather than delaying. Wife thinks I’m being a bit silly about clearing it asap and not waiting until the end of the month. I don’t. If I hang onto the money I will spend it.