First Steps to Solvency

ryanm8655

warby68 said:

And here's an idea for you.
If you absolutely must spend something and gear up, buy a property to renovate and spend your time doing that - away from the saddo shops and cars. Then you can sell it to your BTL business, hopefully at a profit and do another. Actually get back to growing your business, the only other thing you've said brings you real satisfaction.

Exactly the route I would take. I have the urge to spend still when bored, I now buy and sell fragrances and am on the look out for good deals to fill those moments where I’d normally drive to John Lewis and get a fix there. Don’t make a great deal but I make a small amount of profit and it keeps me occupied/stops spending on other luxuries to fill that boredom.

Just need to break the habit of spending for fulfilment, using cars for procrastination. Gradually it’ll get easier just need to be strong in the short term and find coping mechanisms.

alt80

@enthusiasticsaver yes I know the consequences that’s why I’ve said enough is enough can’t carry on like I am doing. Parents don’t know everything I have is financed - they know the BTLs are leveraged but my dad reckons I must not be too far off paying the mortgage on my home. He’s based that opinion off ‘if you can afford a RR etc etc etc’ because he thinks I’m sensible and wouldn’t have put a minimal deposit down on a £100k+ car lol I’ve not felt the need to tell him otherwise. They see me as a massive success and I know they think I’ve done much better in life than my sister because they moan about her to me and tell me they’ve shown pictures of my RR and my house etc to their friends.

I know I need to pay the money from the sales off the cards and live to a budget take the punishment and press pause on life - enforced lockdown. Some days I can take the punishment - some I can’t. Actually had a decent session with the counsellor this morning - I’d been hoping against everything they’d be telling me there’s nothing wrong it’s in my head there is something wrong etc. Wasn’t ever going to happen because I am right that I need to change my mindset or just be in a place where I hate life but can get on with sorting the mess out. It’s not exactly game over in spectacular fashion but it’s game over, forget about life and pay up.

@Andyjflet yeah think I need to probably just refinance the balloon at the end of the term and keep it rather than getting a new deal. Accept I’m going to be paying for it for 8/9 years and probably driving it until I’m 55/60 when it’s not worth anything except to me.

@woahsoah If my personal finances were my business’ I’d say the same tbh over leveraged. Don’t have a track car.

Selling property - my BTLs are low value - I own about 25% of each. Yields are good, generally got a good bunch of tenants and it makes no sense to sell. 

@getmore4less We all know people who have to say ‘big car small d**k’ tend to just be jealous. No idea why the BMW / Mini thing keeps coming up. I make the money, I pick the cars / house. Not unreasonable. I do drive the BM too.

There’s profit left in the BTL side but yeah growth is slower due to taking an income from it. Would be better if I didn’t take an income for growth agreed.

Hopefully get a longer term on res remo but that’s 2 and a bit years away so who knows?

 

alt80

@LottyWatty thanks I suppose I thought everyone would be of the same mindset and could maybe give me some magic piece of advice to stop the wanting and start the paying. Definitely a mindset thing I’ve said from the start that’s my biggest challenge rather than the actual paying. If I could be happy with a walk around the park and a 320 on the drive, let’s face it I’d have it made.

@ryanm8655 If I could get there I’d have a lot more chance of actually increasing my income. That’s the irony my mindset is f**king up more than just my personal finances It’s not helping improve my business. Got to the point I’ve asked one of my senior staff to check most fee earning work I do even when not needed because the not sleeping is killing my productivity and ability to focus.

RelievedSheff

alt80 said:

@enthusiasticsaver yes I know the consequences that’s why I’ve said enough is enough can’t carry on like I am doing. Parents don’t know everything I have is financed - they know the BTLs are leveraged but my dad reckons I must not be too far off paying the mortgage on my home. He’s based that opinion off ‘if you can afford a RR etc etc etc’ because he thinks I’m sensible and wouldn’t have put a minimal deposit down on a £100k+ car lol I’ve not felt the need to tell him otherwise. They see me as a massive success and I know they think I’ve done much better in life than my sister because they moan about her to me and tell me they’ve shown pictures of my RR and my house etc to their friends.

I know I need to pay the money from the sales off the cards and live to a budget take the punishment and press pause on life - enforced lockdown. Some days I can take the punishment - some I can’t. Actually had a decent session with the counsellor this morning - I’d been hoping against everything they’d be telling me there’s nothing wrong it’s in my head there is something wrong etc. Wasn’t ever going to happen because I am right that I need to change my mindset or just be in a place where I hate life but can get on with sorting the mess out. It’s not exactly game over in spectacular fashion but it’s game over, forget about life and pay up.

@Andyjflet yeah think I need to probably just refinance the balloon at the end of the term and keep it rather than getting a new deal. Accept I’m going to be paying for it for 8/9 years and probably driving it until I’m 55/60 when it’s not worth anything except to me.

@woahsoah If my personal finances were my business’ I’d say the same tbh over leveraged. Don’t have a track car.

Selling property - my BTLs are low value - I own about 25% of each. Yields are good, generally got a good bunch of tenants and it makes no sense to sell. 

@getmore4less We all know people who have to say ‘big car small d**k’ tend to just be jealous. No idea why the BMW / Mini thing keeps coming up. I make the money, I pick the cars / house. Not unreasonable. I do drive the BM too.

There’s profit left in the BTL side but yeah growth is slower due to taking an income from it. Would be better if I didn’t take an income for growth agreed.

Hopefully get a longer term on res remo but that’s 2 and a bit years away so who knows?

 

Why would someone be jealous of another person who is driving a car that they can not afford to own?

To be quite frank most people just think cars like the RR are leased by idiots!

No one is jealous of them. 

rugbymadfamily

I recently read something that I think rings true with your situation:

The Rich invest in assets;
The Poor only have expenses; 
And the Middle Class "buy" liabilities that they think are assets 

In my mind, your cars are just liabilities as its just money out your pocket for essentially renting a car for a few years.

I think you have come such a long way in such a short space of time. Its not going to be easy, you have to find a way that makes it work for you and your wife / son. Decisions have to be made as a team. I don't understand this "I make the money, so I make the decisions" attitude. I far out earn my husband, but we make decisions together, thats what marriage and a partnership is. Right or wrong decisions (who knows at the time?!) but we make them together. I am getting the feeling that your wife is well onside now, so use that and work together to get yourselves out of this.

Figure out your goals - LT is obviously pay off the credit card debt - but that can be hard to focus on as it may seem a longer way off. Try to focus on smaller goals (for me personally, I am focusing on each £1k extra overpaid off of my mortgage as my smaller goals because paying the whole thing off seems too unattainable).  

Keep up with the counselling, might feel like a few steps backwards, then a few forward, then one backward, but the overall direction is forward. There is no quick and easy way to overcome the spending addiction you may have, nor to overcome the debt. But it will be worth it in the long run.

SallyDucati

You say counselling isn't working for you.  I wonder if it might be worthwhile speaking to a counsellor who specialises in addiction as it seems to me that your rational brain really wants to sort this out but your addiction to spending takes over.
I too think addiction can be inherited.  My Dad was also a gambler who lost both his and his parents houses.  I know I can easily get addicted, and purposefully stayed away from gambling from a young adult age as I could see the 'pull' and 'I can win this back'.  Your addiction is spending money.  You've worked hard to get where you are which is commendable.  Don't risk losing it all now for the sake of pulling it back a bit for a while.  

enthusiasticsaver

You will sleep better when you feel in control of this.  At the moment you are locked in a battle with yourself where you know what you have to do but don't want to sacrifice the spending and cars.  There is no magic bullet answer to pay this off.

Good things you have done. 
Talked to your wife and put  her in the picture so you are both working together. 
Sold approx £15k of unwanted stuff which can be used to pay down the credit cards. 
Got rid of the F type so you are not paying for 3 cars on PCP deals. 
Done a budget showing you as having a small surplus IF you can stick to it. 

Things you need to put in place
Actually pay the £15k raised from selling stuff to the cards. 
Keep on track with your budget
Find a way of relaxing other than shopping and coming to terms with your slightly reduced lifestyle for a while so you can focus on work
If you actually do the above things will look better within 6 months.  Then revisit the car situation when you can hand another one back. 

alt80

@SallyDucati That’s exactly what it is - I know I need to sort the mess but also feel I can’t deal with some of the necessary steps which would let me get to the other side. Don’t really feel time is on my side also spending the next decade doing without to pay the cards and the RR off. All I can think is I’ll be pushing 50 by the time I’ve sorted this or at least 45ish. I know others will say not but basically feels like life over by then in the back of my mind people warning me about a stressful lifestyle causing early heart attacks etc. So I just get sucked in again - no point might as well just have the stuff now.

I do care what others think and whilst I personally would be happy to keep the car very long term I do wonder what people will think if I’m turning up in it in 15 years time - that split second judgment of it being a RR two models out of date and thinking ‘well he can’t be doing very well for himself’ ‘he’s the director - must be struggling’ etc Yes it’s vanity when I knew 1st September was rolling around and the new plate was out, I transferred my plate onto the RR. I do it every single time I buy a new car, drive around for six months with the new plate then transfer my plate onto it. Embarrassing to admit to and a few people who know me have noticed I do it.

When I think about it rationally I can see why some people are making the comments they are. Wife would be so angry if she knew I wanted to spend more right now she’s properly into the cutting back, quality family time, less fake etc right now. I really upset her yesterday when I told her to go to her mum’s when she had plans for us as a family all so I could configure a Vantage and frankly wallow in self pity because my toy had gone lol.

Me too re the gambling can definitely see the attraction and also purposely stayed away.

My mindset is 100% the issue. 

alt80

enthusiasticsaver said:

You will sleep better when you feel in control of this.  At the moment you are locked in a battle with yourself where you know what you have to do but don't want to sacrifice the spending and cars.  There is no magic bullet answer to pay this off.

@enthusiasticsaver Yep, this is it. I think I’ve been thinking someone is going to come on here pull the SOA up and be like mate you’ve got this all wrong you don’t have an issue here’s what you’re missing and you’ll have it cleared in 2 weeks. I’ve been waiting for my accountant to call with some magic way to turn my income into what I think I need (£11k/m would do fine). I’ve been willing the counsellor to tell me my mindset is 100% good, 100% normal and 100% I am exactly where I should be. I don’t sleep because I know I’m trying to make myself believe the above BS.

MidsHollie

Perceptions are strange things. When I see a business owner driving round in an old car, I don’t pity them or consider they aren’t doing well. I actually don’t think about it at all. But when I see a business owner driving round in a brand new expensive car I do think about wether I’m paying them too much for the service they provide. This was exactly the case with the fitness studio I was using that was providing an OK (but not great) service. The service they provided didn’t match the car they were driving. And so I considered that they made too much profit from me! 

I’m sure I mentioned this before, but I’ll say again. Have you considered the option of your wife taking complete control of the finances, and giving you “spending money”?
Id also have a look at habit theory. Seems like spending and thinking about money is a habit. Breaking a habit is much easier to do if you replace it with another (better) habit. For example, every time you want to look at a car website or go to JL, go and find one of those £10 items that you can’t be bothered to sell. I’m sure it would all add up pretty quickly!