First Steps to Solvency

Sun_Addict

Is this the missing present he was kicking off about on Christmas Day when he lashed out? She shouldn’t have given in to him, she’s making a rod for her own back there. It might sound controlling but your idea of taking her cards and giving her an allowance seems like your only option otherwise the spending is going to get out of control. I really thought she was on board with you until just recently, how frustrating for you.

Onebrokelady

It sounds like she has a weak spot when it comes to your son, she feels like he is missing out so feels guilty then buys him stuff to make up for it, I used to be like this especially at Christmas, obviously I wasn't able to go out and buy an iPad and a go pro for mine but I did buy treats I knew I couldn't afford which is another reason I am in debt, my girls are adults now and I have finally learned not to overbuy, mine didn't even ask for the items I bought them it was all me feeling guilty that they were missing out
I don't know what to suggest to be honest,it's a very difficult situation to be in,you do both need to be singing from the same hymn sheet though, maybe the suggestion that you sit down together and go over how much you are each spending would help her realise that she is overspending 

theoretica

What is your long term aim for the BTLs?  You write well about building them up and not taking income - but why?  This is the medium term plan but what is the long term?  I can see that if you always talk to your wife too about building them up and never why you are doing this, or when you will take the income or sell them and draw down then it could seem like a pointless exercise to her and could indeed raise the question why aren't you spending all that money now? 

ryanm8655

theoretica said:

What is your long term aim for the BTLs?  You write well about building them up and not taking income - but why?  This is the medium term plan but what is the long term?  I can see that if you always talk to your wife too about building them up and never why you are doing this, or when you will take the income or sell them and draw down then it could seem like a pointless exercise to her and could indeed raise the question why aren't you spending all that money now? 

I think his longterm plan is to build something to pass onto his son in one way or another.

As for the wife, allowance sounds the only way forward. Let her cry. Pathetic and manipulative.

Well done for holding it together. You’re a better man than me and I think her actions explain a lot of how you are to be honest. Be careful.

strawb_shortcake

Lot of women cry purely to get their own way. Sadly I really think she is manipulating you to get what she wants, the realisation of Christmas not being the usual lavish affair may have been the catalyst to her recent behaviour but she's had ample time to reflect and get that initial splurge out of her system.

Having followed your diary from the start some of your most recent posts I have found the saddest, even beyond your substance abuse if I'm honest. By allowing your wife to have the luxuries you are only going to resent her after you've given up a fair bit, yes you have the RR but you've turned your back on a lot. I'd worry that any resentment will manifest in you making rash financial decisions and  you ending up in a far worse position.

Purplelady65

Crying for two hours because you’ve questioned the make-up budget is just ridiculous. I think she’s being manipulative and crying so that you will give in and say she can have the make-up, no questions asked. It reminds me of a child crying when they don’t get their own way. Either the adult gives in and they learn that they just need to cry to get their own way or the adult doesn’t give in and the child realises they aren’t going to get what they want by crying and grows up a bit. As for the go pro words fail me. 

enthusiasticsaver

The crying is manipulative.  Don't give in to it.  Your son has also learned this behaviour from her and knows how to get his way too so they both sound very entitled.  I know it does sound controlling but I don't know another way of sorting it other than cancelling her spends card and giving her an allowance.  Incredibly frustrating for you but she has brought this on herself by just spending without even running it past you.  It is like she is sticking two fingers up at you and telling you she will not follow the plan.  I would be cancelling holidays for this year now and her spending card and sending her car back in February.  How many cards does she have? 

tjp70

I think maybe you need to get her father on board. She’s clearly not listening to you and feels that she is being punished by you. Have you thought of sending her father an email; explain that you cannot return the RR without huge penalties, that you have agreed set budgets and that she has agreed and then gone crazy of late. I am sure he will help you. Swallow yourself pride and ask him for help. 

stymied

Take the Go Pro back! 🙂

katsu

If you show your wife the simple budget:

,"We have £X income - yes we can discuss how we could have more money in the future but now we have £X for January so we have to start with X...
We have £Y mortgage so X-Y = Z

Then we have the school fees so £Z - school fees = etc etc"

Surely she could follow that and see that what is left is £XX and then talk with you about where £XX could be spent and the options for it. Like if you pay only minimum on debt it takes X years and costs X extra interest,  or £300  on make up is £3600 a year. Does she want that rather than something else? 
What is her explanation about buying the go pro? Is it an online order you can both cancel? 

If your son hit her due to not having one,  can you discus with her that it isn't right for him to think he should hit his mother and that it could have him see that he gets somewhere by hitting her?  His family should be disappointed in him for hitting his mother, or hitting anyone. He doesn't live in the wild west or some post-apocalypse world,  so there's no need for violence. 

I think as you've a son together and she's looking after the home,  she does need some personal spending cash in the budget.  Whether that's better done as a bank account with debit card maybe instead of a prepaid card I don't know. She needs not to be treated as a child I think. 

I hope some of this helps and agree with some previous posts that you've had the benefit of posting here and she hasn't,  so I'm hoping she can work through the emotions that are driving her behaviour.