First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

I suggest you keep a spreadsheet of all her spends and yours and household ones and present that once a week or a month.  Even if she is not great with figures she must be able to understand that.  

shoppingobsessed2020

I’m angry on your behalf.  Seriously what a rubbish few days you’ve had.  I’m actually really proud of you for not going out and relieving some stress no matter how tempting it must be at the moment.

I still stand by taking her off all your cards as an additional card holder and getting a basic bank account and seeing how she gets on with no credit.

don’t give up and keep going as you are doing amazing despite the set backs.

TheAble

tjp70 said:

Daring to incur the wrath of you all, I’m delurking to say that I think that enough has been said about Mrs Alt for now. Alt loves his wife, that much is clear and I feel that it will be very difficult for him to read everything that has been said about her. 

Agreed. It's like the 2 Minutes Hate keeps getting started up. Remember we're only hearing Alt's side of the story - she's not on here to defend herself.

theoretica

Also on the crying - it's not normal, perhaps a reason to encourage her to get counselling which might help in more ways than one?

JGB1955

I'm sorry - your wife sounds like my 5 year old grand-daughter who can turn on the crocodile tears at the drop of a hat.  Difference is, my GD can be laughing and smiling a few minutes later.  Sadly, I don't see a lot of laughing and smiling going on Chez alt.

ladyholly

People are only trying to help alt to deal with the incredible spending by his wife when he is trying to pay off debts.  In answer to his question about crying I suspect it is a technique she learned as a child and he has let her carry on with it. The only way I can see of stopping it is to let her get on with and not relent. If needed leave the house with your son (he doesn't need to see or hear it). Whatever it will be very hard for you but I suspect it may be more tantrum than upset. 
I am sorry that things are not so good but Christmas may be at the back of it and she will calm down when school starts etc though I understand  covid is not helping either of you. Try to find some fun it's what we all need at present. 

curtains174

Just catching up on your diary and just wanted to offer some support. 

In your own journey so far you have had ups and downs, It sounds like your wife is having a down and needs some additional support to help her through what is hopefully a blip, given that she has been onboard with you so far.
Have you taken the time to explain that your car can’t be handed back without financial penalty, but hers can and that it makes financial sense to hand back the BMW? I appreciate that she may not have a good grasp of finances but perhaps going through them and the rationale behind the decisions may help. Maybe you could also discuss the impact that her spends now will have on paying back the cards.
If she is not clear on the detail, maybe she can’t see the bigger picture and why you get to spend 1k per month on a car, yet hers is returned and her make up budget is scrapped.
If the above fails to give some perspective, then limiting access to money is the only option, this could encourage her to budget or to consider work.

With regards to your son, taking the time now to explain appropriate behaviour, set boundaries and give an understanding of his fortunate position in life and how others aren’t so lucky will save you so many problems once he’s a little older and will allow him to develop into a kind adult. You’ve had some great advice on how to do this so far.

As always I wish you well and hope you manage to pull through this tough period.

alt80

Thanks for comments. Not in the best frame of mind so not really going to respond but have read. Someone asked about BTLs and what the point is in growing - they are income producing but rather than taking income to spend one turns into the next and also I invest retained profits from flips/ main business so bit of a winner all round. I do have a plan to deleverage a little so no personal risk and then offset further units to buy some toys. Still get to keep the unit and get the toy but not at expense of my day-to-day living. I enjoy investing in property also and have a bit of an ambitious goal of 100 units at c.60/65LTV by the time I’m done. If it happens great if not I’ve tried. Would like to have something to pass to son, yes.

Hopefully a more positive post from me, checked the cards for the coming month, will be ending with an outstanding balance of £27,245 if there are no further sales. I have rolled the savings on my res home mortgage into the cards balances. Very pleased to have got a new deal on the res mortgage @ 1.4% with no product fees through my bank on a 5 year fix. Some deal they were doing for account holders and haven’t found much if anything better, was already with them for res mortgage / current account def happy days on that front.

Jan-21	Balance
Barclaycard	£6,490.00
M&S	£2,695.00
Sainsburys	£6,650.00
MBNA	£11,410.00
	£27,245.00

Properly worked out the !!!!!! stupid Christmas spends. Hopefully seeing the consequences of her decision will knock some sense into swmbo but not holding out that much hope lol. 

CHRISTMAS ‘20	Jan.	-£385.00	£1435 from Resv 1 + CA o/d	£850+£170 EF, hols, occ, x2 serv, x2 maint
	Feb.	£-	Variable £1165
	Mar.	£300.00	Variable £1250
	Apr.	£600.00	Variable £1250
	May.	£900.00	Variable £1250
	Jun.	£1,200.00	Variable £1250
	Jul.	£1,435.00	Variable £1315
	Aug.		Variable £1550

CA o/d is 0% for first £1k. Rest coming from the total reserve we have so far built. Some for yearly bills etc so needs to be paid back. Means our variable for this month is actually £1,165. Telling her she can !!!!!! forget makeup this month and I’m on the dry Jan so no drinks being bought either. Should be able to do it.

Also updated this:

INCOME	£8,050.00			Inc £300 HMRC fuel rev x12
HOUSE					LIFE			VARIABLE	£1,250.00
Mortgage	£1,240.00				Food (Variable)	£650.00		January variable	£1,165.00
Council tax	£250.00				Petrol (Variable)	£300.00
Utilities	£290.00				School / son	£1,100.00
B/C Ins	£30.00				Entertainment (Variable)	£300.00
	£1,810.00				Occasions	£85.00	1000/y
					Holiday	£170.00	2000/y
CARS					Emergency fund	£170.00	2000/y
RANGE ROVER						£2,775.00
Finance	£1,220.00
Insurance	£50.00				CREDIT CARDS	£1,105.00
Tax	£40.00
Servicing	£40.00	500/y
Maintenance	£40.00	500/y
	£1,390.00
BMW
Finance	£430.00
Insurance	£40.00
Tax	£40.00
Servicing	£40.00	500/y
Maintenance	£40.00	500/y
	£590.00

 
It makes sense to me but happy for comments -
‘Income’ is net of tax but includes my £300/m HMRC fuel rebate. It’s normally around the £300 mark sometimes slightly more but if slightly more I’ll throw the extra straight at the cards. Occasionally it’s less so will adjust income accordingly on a monthly basis. As someone asked on the original post about this; Divs tax kept in a separate reserve account, I deal with it the moment the money comes in so irrelevant for the point of month to month personal budget. Owing HMRC 100 not worth it.
‘Food’ includes actual food, dog food, few coffees / alcohol. Occasions is meant to include presents ha. Tbh I don’t want to spend anymore.
BMW can go Feb if it does that’s £590/m rolled into cards balance.

ladyholly

I, like your wife, am not a numbers person so although I haven't gone through your figures I think you need to present it in the easiest form. Ie this is our budget. This is what I have spent and this is what you have spent on you and this on son. Try to get her to forget the regular payments for car mortgage utilities etc or present them as a separate sheet as they will be similar from month to month and the figures she really needs are the variables. You are a numbers man but try to be patient if she doesn't understand things at first and also pick your time when she is most receptive. Numbers people do tend to be impatient when those of us who aren't don't understand so be prepared to have to explain several times slowly and have a calculator on hand. Just my thought as I couldn't pass o level maths either. 

Willowtree222

I love that you're now getting a buzz from your figures going down. That's so much progress and will keep you motivated.
I've said enough about your wife. She just needs to grow up. Try being a single parent working full time. Or even just a mum working full time. You soon get your priorities in order and £300 a month or even £150 don't even factor in.
I knew she'd go out and buy your son something. Can you take it back?
You need to lower her credit limit just so you can keep on top of your debt. 

I'm sorry your demons are there. You do have genuine worth. Please don't let comments make you think you're not. 
Hoping you have a better day tomorrow x