First Steps to Solvency

alt80

Don’t know !!!!!! has happened to the formatting of the figures. Half copied from excel and tried to move about on page - looks ok in edit mode.

@ladyholly I tend to deal with the variables as a whole tbh I watch what’s spent on variables in the yolt app and categorise. Not sure what’s difficult about we have £1550 (or did this month) to spend on variable expenses. That should include all variable expenses that are not listed as fixed expenses above. Hopefully that’ll make sense to her but cba this evening or I’m going to lose it know that ha. Genuinely thinking about waiting until I know she’s gone to bed to go back home haha honestly 40 years old and sneaking back to my own !!!!!! res home FML. Part of me wishes I had an empty property right now tbh just spend a night or two away ha.

@Nicnak thanks and yeah can hardly believe it either but I’m getting into the payback. Get it !!!!!! off and better times ahead. 

Sun_Addict

What if you listed all your wife’s spends on a spreadsheet as opposed to what you have available to spend and showed her the results? This is what I did when Mr SA used to spend willynilly and he was shocked to see the totals. I was rubbish at maths when I was at school but now work with numbers all day. Turns out once there’s a £ sign involved I’m suddenly good at maths 😆

alt80

@Sun_Addict thanks - that maybe will work idk. Unfortunately wife has found no undiscovered talent for the numbers.

Almost bet my res home Mr SA didn’t turn the waterworks on for 2 hours solid ha. Your post re footballers did made me think she’ll need to !!!!!! out of this city to find him lol. Honestly got to try to laugh or I’ll be in the !!!!!! headlines on the post tomorrow.

warby68

Just a couple of budget thoughts
The categories add up to £7670 versus income £8050 - is the difference going to clear the Xmas spend? Just to check my understanding
Still doesn't seem to be any specific category for personal spends - I know you've argued against but its probably unusual for a full 12m budget and looking like a requirement for your wife.
Probably not the right time but are you planning to discuss the various categories of spending you used to have over a normal year which do not now feature in the budget - off the top I'm thinking of your wife spending £2.5k on Christmas during the year and a few luxury outings you've mentioned as regular fixtures. She will need to understand what is in and what is out. If she doesn't have a great grasp, she might assume variable covers more than it does.

Sorry you've had such a rough few days but take a minute to acknowledge how well you've handled it. 

Wishing you well. Your wife has a lot of issues which most people agree are not normal/reasonable but you have told us many times that you and she have been in it together in many ways too. You're well along the change path. Lets hope she's just getting going and will catch you up eventually. Have some belief in your worth though when you're deciding how to play things - you earn very well through extremely hard graft and have achieved a lot from a zero start with many years yet to go. If I were your wife, I would be incredibly proud of you for that alone.

enthusiasticsaver

Good on you for crunching the numbers and I am glad to see you have a plan but that must be incredibly frustrating to have to sort our your wifes overspends.  I have been there too though.  The numbers make sense to me but then I like numbers too.  January will be tough  but you can remind your wife why when she moans. Good deal on res mortgage and yes if BMW goes in February then this will help with giving you  more income to throw at the debt.  £27k approx for the cards is a massive improvement though. Remind your wife why you are doing this. It is so not ok you are hiding out in your office rather than going home but if you are afraid you will lose it I can see why.  

stymied

There’s a few bits & bobs I can’t see in the budget that were in your original one back in Oct inc pet insurance, life assurance, child’s clothes. Where’s the £150 you’ve promised in addition to the nails earnings beauty spends coming from? Are you reducing food, petrol or ents or a bit of each to allow for it?

The BTL still comes across as spending now so *you* can buy a toy in the future. I can understand why this might not be going down well. It’s just a matter of perception.

alt80

@warby68 you’re right re the difference - there’s a slight surplus but anything that’s actually left at the end of the month will come off cards. 

Personal spends re Christmas and the !!!!!! rest usually even with the BS this year was a ‘cheap’ one for her Christmas spends. Other stuff she can forget it I want to get this paid off. Days out and stupid Christmas spends gone. 

Thanks. Yeah both been as bad as each other different stuff in past but I’m done thought she was too, made it a lot worse tbh. 

@enthusiasticsaver incredibly frustrating is a much nicer and more erudite way than I’d put it ha. Thanks re res mortgage, I’m really pleased with it. Fixed for 5 too, going to be paying this for at least 42 months so realised moving before was cloud cuckoo if I bother. £27k definitely feels a lot better more hopeful. Thank you.

@stymied pet insurance paid for year already. Life assurance tbh I’ve let it lapse probably shouldn’t. Child’s clothes in variable when not so low due to wife. After reviewing it she can !!!!!! with the £150 tbh. 

amanda_p

I I feel so frustrated for you. Someone said you can’t treat your wife like a child. Actually you can, having a crying session because she can’t spend a stupid amount of money on make up is childish. Take the cards away and give her a budget. Once it’s gone it’s gone.
More worrying is the buying of the go pro. Your son is learning if he lashes out because he doesn’t get what he wants, that is fine because he will achieve his objective.
If it was me I would take it away from him and take it back to the shop. Explain to both your wife and son why you are doing this.
It won’t be pleasant but on this you really do need to put your foot down.

enthusiasticsaver

stymied said:

There’s a few bits & bobs I can’t see in the budget that were in your original one back in Oct inc pet insurance, life assurance, child’s clothes. Where’s the £150 you’ve promised in addition to the nails earnings beauty spends coming from? Are you reducing food, petrol or ents or a bit of each to allow for it?

The BTL still comes across as spending now so *you* can buy a toy in the future. I can understand why this might not be going down well. It’s just a matter of perception.

She has just spent her £150 on the ridiculous overspends for Christmas.  She did not keep her end of the bargain to stay within budget so if I was alt I would tell her she can swing for her £150. 

getmore4less

I think -  here is your pocket money is a bit controlling and could backfire.

The slow burn approach might be better. 

Agree the budget for the year, allocate and track the spends

 X*12 for the year for each category. 
Over spend month one what's left for 11 months, reduced pm amount
Repeat

Keep reminding when it runs out that is it no more or needs to come from somewhere else. 

Following on from where you are now. 

Crying/silent treatment is manipulation learnt behaviour that needs dealing with.