First Steps to Solvency

enthusiasticsaver

Sounds like a rough weekend for you and your wife so hope you find a way to move forward this week. I don't think anyone is calling you an awful person. You have some warped values for sure but it sounds like you care about your family and your tenants and are hard working so have lots of good characteristics. What your wife said must have been hurtful if she did actually say that she was with you just for the life you could provide for her. Sounds like you both had your own agendas when you got together which is probably not the best basis for a relationship. 

This is is a debt diary though so how is budgeting going this month and any result on the FA? 

strawb_shortcake

I've been thinking about this most the day, but you are doing really well in all of this, the progress you've made is incredible.
Some of what you've written about your wife has been hard to read, but I do think these comments appear when you are feeling increased levels of stress, and let's be honest we all need to have a whinge about our other halves from time to time. It's far better to let off that steam on here rather than at home making matters worse.
For what it's worth, I do think your wife is really behind you on this, she might not be happy about it but she is supporting you. If she was only with you for the money she wouldn't have given up the beauty treatments so readily nor started selling some of her belongings.

You've provided your Wife and Son with a lovely home, a good education and all the other treats which you've made sacrifices to provide, this isn't the act of a bad or selfish Father. You may have some feelings of regret, I bet lots of parents look back and think they could have done things better, you've got the advantage of realising this whilst he's still young and more importantly you want to change. 

It may not be the birthday you were planning, but I hope it's an enjoyable day.

alt80

Need to get back on the wagon spent £750 today. Tonight feeling ill and massively guilty - wife looks in my personal accounts now so used card btl account all I can think is how to get the money back into the account and maybe most back just cancelling. 100 feel like I’m losing the plot right now never used my businesses to buy stuff for me surpassed my usual levels of stupidity today. Wife and I not speaking still so just spent the day spoiling the progress I’ve made so far and on a massive comedown right now. Not gonna sleep tonight I don’t think.

@warby68 My personal issues are all the reasons I’m in debt 100 know that and why the mindset stuff needs to get sorted or it will just be a pay off then start again. Or not even pay off if I carry on like this. Can’t go on forever it’s not the way I want to live my life indefinitely. Don’t want the destructive stuff taking over need a brain transplant tbf.

No FA news still trying to remain hopeful it will work out also trying to forget about the birthday, no presents so not going to be hard lol but thanks anyway.

@enthusiasticsaver She said there would be a point that she would move on and call it a day. All about me lying rather than the money apparently but she wouldn’t hang around if I were destitute. Says what it’s really about I’ve lied about the current mess before and she’s not moved on but still got a decent res home and cash rolling in each month makes it obviously easier to put up with me.

No FA news yet budgeting was going very well would have been on track to have kept to it if not for today.

@annabanana82 Idk not in the best place to think about it right now. If you knew how I’ve spent my day I think you’d likely take back some of the comments. I’ve been a f**king disgrace.

ladyholly

I dont know what you have spentthe money on but is it possible to return whatever it is?

alt80

@theoretica hard to cut it all out of life when the cravings get the better of you. Can’t vow to give up spending entirely true but my vow means very little at the best of times even to myself it seems. 

Know what you mean about not trying to plan for better times only thing that doesn’t lead to massive downers is thinking about what I can buy when no more debts. Crazy I know. 

alt80

@ladyholly mostly yes. Going to try to do that I think.

ladyholly

Good. I think the reason you did it was a gesture to your wife as whether you realise it or not you are angry with her and it was a way of getting back at her without her knowing about it. If you return what you can I think you will feel better. If its any comfort I have done the similar  to my husband but it doesnt help and you are the one left feeling guilty.

Retireinten

Alt80... what have you actually bought that can't be returned and refunded? 

Whatever it is, it's not worth how crap this is making you feel, is it? 

You need to be strong for some potentially bad news this week and you know you're  not helping yourself here.  With your mindset you're likely to self destruct if the refinancing doesn't happen. 

When are you seeing your counsellor next?  I'd make an appointment to talk all this through asap.

Grumpelstiltskin

Alt If I were your wife and I found out about this I think it might just be the straw that broke the camel's back.

|You can't carry on like this, marriage should be a partnership, yours is not

Sort it out now, cancel and / or return everything you can and then come clean to your wife. It's the lies that will cause her to leave you.

enthusiasticsaver

It is plainly obvious that the spending is linked to your mood and you know that using the BTL account just so your wife does not find out about the spending is sending you down a dangerous path.  If you can return any of it then I would do that and it may be worth you stopping using cards altogether.  Thinking about spending when the debt is gone is a bit like a food addict thinking of what they can eat when they have reached target.  These have to be lifetime sustainable habits or you will be back here again with more debt once this lot is gone.  I would remove the temptation if you can by leaving cards at home, removing card details from websites and stopping the browsing for stuff online.