First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@NorthernSoulSouthernLife No need to apologise to me at all.

It's difficult to find that balance between the fear of things going wrong and taking the risks I know. It's not that I don't consider the risks I'm taking, it's not that I have no fear - I do, I'm terrified of failure and genuinely don't think I could live with losing everything. Also can't seem to settle for what should be a good life either because I always want more. Catch 22. I have built my business and portfolio from literally nothing had to take some massive risks along the way each time the risk paid off there's no feeling like it and not gonna lie I chase that, I love it. Nothing comes close for me and I've experienced all kinds of highs over the years at some point or another. The only bigger high is when I get those big ticket purchases that come with the risks paying off but I started spending to get that hit without having made the money first - speculating effectively. So yeah I 100 get if the hard cash isn't there, the cards do the same job. The cards come with guilt though for me when whatever I'd speculated on hadn't worked out now just a complete guilt fest.

The lenders aren't there to be your mate in hard times I know that. Flakey friends. I know the PG risks and I don't like them if I'm 100% honest because I know they could sink me a lot quicker than fast Range Rover. Have a lot of sleepless nights over the moves I make - get rid of the PGs or grow with additional ones. Growth wins for me because I get a hit off it. Know it's flakey growth. Well aware more equity = less interest = more lenders = more secure investment = more income from individual unit and no PG. I'm obsessed with hitting 100 units though any cost 9/10 for me.

Sounds like you'd built the business together? Different for me in that respect I had the business before the wife. Can't even imagine what you're going through but I see myself in the man you're describing and yeah it terrifies me. I've also found highs in other ways, destructive stuff since the start of knowing I need to face the pay down. I get what the spending turned into been there replacing spending with a chemical hit doctor not going to give me a prescription though.

Anytime re housing. I might not be good man but I do think everyone should have access to a home. I use that word deliberately; something I always say to myself before I let a house/ flat/ room to someone is if I needed to live here would I be ok with calling it home. It's really important to me. Don't have time for tenants messing me about nor have time for slumlords (seen and dealt with plenty in my other business) but people in !!!!!! situations that just need a bit of help I'll make all the time they need. I've helped tenants write CVs, sat with a few of them when they needed someone to talk to without judgement because there was no-one else, helped plenty access UC and other help. Not saying that because I expect a medal I don't ultimately I do it for the profit never going to lie about that but I'm not a complete !!!!!! and I never forget tenants in my properties pay my mortgages and an income.

My wife and I aren't speaking today and ultimately I don't know what goes through her mind. I don't get all the your net worth isn't your self worth stuff not in my case anyway so far too wrapped up in no amount never being enough. It's something I'm meant to be working on with counsellor but just about go through the motions little else. Enjoying spending time with my son tbf I've missed out on that over the years failed as a husband and dad know that much. Wouldn't blame wife for moving on but hurts to know she wouldn't be with me no matter what.

Take care of yourself and your little one. Go out and smash your goals; you've shown amazing resilience to still be here fighting another day, apply that to another business or career and you'll go far. My mum has two favourite sayings - 'the devil finds work for idle hands' already mentioned that one lol and her other is 'where there's life there's hope'. 

getmore4less

Starting to stray a little beyond the scope of a debt diary but it is important to start thinking about as you grow the business.

warby68

The 'fit' comments do jar but like I said, its the total lack of understanding for what your wife does and the upsides of her not working that are hard. You claim its 100% her choice, no it isn't - you have gone along with it all including having a child but still blame her for not being what you wanted but it sounds like you were more deceptive than she was, wanting a career woman. Sending her to another room when your child was born was awful. Part of your value system possibly - only thing that counts is money. That's what's the hard read and you do keep going back to that view, despite your regrets.
Anyway its a bit adrift from a debt diary which should go where you want it to for the most part so apologies for that.

@NorthernSoulSouthernLife - heartbreaking, I can only wish you gentler times to come..

RelievedSheff

It is the start of a new week. Happy Monday and I hope you have a better week this week. Start afresh for the new week ahead

alt80

@getmore4less you’re not wrong though it’s something I need to face up to, sort and stop letting my head get in the way of growth which will turn into more money and if I can sort the spending no more debt. Also help my family if anything did happen to me too.

@warby68 all I value is money for me yes can’t do anything else as you point out I’m an awful person who does awful things. Who’s deficient really probably not the wife I know that much she’s not the one who’s missed out on seeing her son grow to escape the regrets and chase a high, actively avoid him because she doesn’t want him turning into her. She 100 deserves better they both do and do you know what it makes me do spend money and get into further debt. You’ve won, well done.

@RelievedSheff thanks just need to keep my head above water and not spend any money. 🙂

mamamu

“  She wanted a child, I didn’t. Left to me we wouldn’t have a kid I wouldn’t have it any other way now but doesn’t change the fact I wouldn’t have chosen to have a family. Tbh I only agreed in the end because I could see how important it was to her also it shut up FILs ‘jokes’ so was win win in the end lol. “

This is very very sad...

I wish you all the best with your little family. 

carolbee

I have read through this, and my overwhelming emotion is of sadness for this little family too Mamamu. I’m sure you don’t need our pity,  but please value your family over money. Your wife sounds an amazing lady and you’re lucky to have a son who loves you.

I don’t usually comment on these diaries,  it feel compelled for some reason.

please look after yourself, physically and more importantly, mentally

warby68

@alt80
I'm sorry you're cross with me.
I'm not winning anything and certainly don't want to. I think the personal issues are causing you great conflict and resolving them will help with the rest. 
Anyway, its Monday so hope you have a better week, especially a good outcome on the further advance and a decent lockdown birthday.

theoretica

I think a money/spending addiction is a particularly hard one - because like a food addiction and going on a diet you can't just cut it out totally.  An addiction to say drugs, gambling or alcohol it is possible to cut totally out of your life - cold turkey, no highs, nada.  But money and food are necessary so you have the much harder problem of cutting down to moderation with the focus of your addiction still in your life - a permanent diet.  One of the pieces of advice for dieting which might apply here is to minimise thinking about food/spending you can't have at the time.  At the moment you are like a man on a diet planning out options for a huge celebratory dinner - it just makes the salad harder to stick to.

RelievedSheff

theoretica said:

I think a money/spending addiction is a particularly hard one - because like a food addiction and going on a diet you can't just cut it out totally.  An addiction to say drugs, gambling or alcohol it is possible to cut totally out of your life - cold turkey, no highs, nada.  But money and food are necessary so you have the much harder problem of cutting down to moderation with the focus of your addiction still in your life - a permanent diet.  One of the pieces of advice for dieting which might apply here is to minimise thinking about food/spending you can't have at the time.  At the moment you are like a man on a diet planning out options for a huge celebratory dinner - it just makes the salad harder to stick to.

I like that analogy