First Steps to Solvency

theoretica

A few things strike me about your desire for an expensive house.

- You want to impress your FIL.  That's giving him a ridiculous amount of power over your life.  Also ineffectual as it doesn't sound like the sort of thing he would get impressed about.

- You don't actually say anything about wanting the *house* - just the expense. How often do you run out of guest bedrooms or other space?

- You say this would be for the family, but to me it sounds like imposing more work on your wife to look after a larger place without the benefit of actually wanting that space (unless your dream expensive property was a tiny flat in Mayfair, but I doubt it is).  Believe your wife on what is for family and what is just for you.

Jellytotts

I'm not sure you'll ever be able to afford that 7 figure house and pay the maintenance payments your wife and child will be due because let's face it, she doesn't want the debt, the bigger house, that lifestyle so why would she stay if you're hell bent on getting what you want.

Harsh but you cannot have it all.  You have to learn to be content with the amazing lot that you have.  A wife that's stood beside you, a son that thinks the world of you and the potential to live a comfortable life, well within your means.

You are far luckier than you know in so many ways. But you'd rather risk all of that for vanity and ego.

mamamu

alt80 sounds to me that if you ever decide to by your 7figure house just to shut up your FIL and please your ego, while wife doesn’t want to. This  will be breaking point for your wife and the marriage. She will leave you. I would...

I would never move in to 7figure house just for the sake of it, and def never if I need 7figure mortgage...at 40+

enthusiasticsaver

I am  not surprised you are struggling with your sleep as you sound as if you are constantly stressed fighting an internal battle with yourself about how to get to the next "fictional" level.  What does your counsellor say about that? 

Most people move house because they need more  or less space or they want to move to a different area.  Moving house because you consider a 7 figure house fits more with your image of yourself than a 6 figure one is not a feeling I can identify with so I cannot really understand your mentality there.  Someone further up the thread put it quite succinctly in that you are playing a game of life in your head like a computer game and constantly working out how to get to the next level.  That is not real life though.  People are not all built the same and you cannot play at life and I am not surprised your wife is not happy with your what probably should have been kept to yourself ultimate goals.  Although they wont be ultimate as you will then want the next level.  You must be exhausting to live with and there is something soul destroying about living with someone who is never happy or satisfied so if you really want your marriage to survive then working on this character trait might be a good idea.  

I think your FIL is just looking out for his daughter and grandson and is worried for them rather than out to get you as you seem to think.  

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Wife fallen out with me over house. Went to bed same time as her said we can get this clear and look to move 5 years........ 

I have read through your  last few post again.

I cannot grasp why you though saying that was a good idea.

perhaps you can explain your thought process behind it because I cannot envisage any sensible reason.

alt80

@ZaSa1418 current house 4 double bedroom detached internal space not an issue. If I ever get the car collection I'd like to have car storage would be an issue but life storage fine. 

@woahsoah lol not gonna lie I feel rich in IDR. 

@julicorn ha yeah know what you mean re games that is life to me - pass one level, work on next, get to that, work on next. Drives me forward downside is stress tbf. Trying this whole not caring about where you get in life just not working for me. I get no buzz from it and don't want to give up. Definitely frustrated right now been at this level for a few years been stupid with money so paying for it now I know. My dad always said to sister and I go big or go home. Dad's blown it. She's gone home, I'm still working on it. Blip at the moment with the debts but I am basically treating that as a 'side quest' good way of describing it lol. Really want to smash £5k this month but am anxious nothing is selling right now tbh. Looked at offers and wife not being greedy. What will be will be I suppose can't force people to buy stuff. 

Know I'm not getting to multinational company / super yacht level tbh not that big. Would like to get to bigger business, res house deep into 7 figures, car collection maybe creeping into 7 figures and 8 figure portfolio. So I do know what's enough tbf ever get there I'll probably want more lol but my goals are a massive ask for me probably not realistic I know but if you've got no goals what's the point?

@getmore4less I was hoping to show her some houses I've seen on RM, not buying now I know but show her there's some hope beyond paying debt something for family rather than something for me element of me showing her I still want to drive forwards too. Had a good conversation with someone I know in property who I suppose eggs me on, gives me a bit of ambition something to work towards, he's older got a bigger portfolio not that bothered about houses but told me I'll get there if I keep ploughing on. His house is worth less than mine but got a really solid BTL portfolio - travelling his thing so not in UK much so different but I've got a lot of time for him.

With cards and RR gone can put all that into a new res mortgage and pay for it if we live to current budget even if no more income. All dependent on if banks would lend that much though I know. Definitely agree with what my 1/2 year goals are tbh that's what I'm aiming for. 100 get rid of cards and put business first. Really trying to work on family time too not 'sucking up' haha I'm actually enjoying spending time with them. 

@theoretica It's not all about impressing FIL. Couldn't care less about him tbh but would be nice to see his face when he logged on RM HMLR updated and he sees I've bought a 7 figure house. Yeah sure he will (correctly) assume it's mortgaged but even getting the mortgage for it is next level, they aren't going to give that to everyone including me right now. I do want the house mainly for location and garage space for when I get the cars to go with it so not just for how much it costs and no other reason. Remember my dad said when I bought this house if I get one for £1M he'll come to house warming doesn't think I'll get there lol sister would be furious parents wouldn't come to either of our weddings but would have to come to house warming haha. There is an element of feeling I've arrived over riding anything tangible I suppose.

@enthusiasticsaver yes I've discussed the 'life game' with counsellor. Sometimes I want to check out of it don't mean end it just mean stick at this level not be bothered about levelling up but it doesn't last long before I know it I'm looking for the next level. Got the motivation back for it, things going well, smashing targets right now. Happy staff and I've got the buzz back for it obviously got the FA stuff hanging over me but starting to think it can all work out, put the effort in and be a bit more humble about it all less image more reality. Facing up to debt helped with that tbf. Back in touch with someone who was a good mentor in business too. Starting to believe I can get there and after sorting the personal debts out have something to bigger to live for.

100 not looking to use cards to enhance lifestyle again though and cars definitely need to be one at a time on finance, proper payoff plan too. That's actually really important to me, being more sustainable with personal life.

alt80

To add I do not wish to lose my marriage over a house / money. Just can't sit back pretend it doesn't matter though so am I meant to be miserable for the rest of my life?

Also said before I've got a lot of time for people who can sit back feel they've won at any level. Admire that tbh I'm not judging anyone for how they want to live their lives. 

woahsoah

Good to have goals but be careful about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing. Debt looks like its heading in the right direction. Keep on trucking!

strawb_shortcake

No one  is saying to give up, but throughout this whole thread it's about what you want, if you could find some common goals with your wife of what you both want to achieve in life then I think you stand a better chance of finding long lasting happiness. 

You say you couldn't care less about your FIL but you clearly do, why else would you give a second thought as to whether he was going to check sold prices or not? Besides which surely your wife would discuss and share the house particulars with her parents during the buying process so they'd have a good idea of the value anyway.

I'm assuming you check the sold prices of the homes your friends and acquaintances buy?

ZaSa1418

@alt80 if you have 4 double bedrooms then moving isn't something you need to do anytime soon so this is probably why she is a little angry.  You have a home that fits you all comfortably so she will be annoyed you are looking into getting into more debt in the future before you have dealt with the current debt. It's like trying to run before you know how to walk.