First Steps to Solvency

RelievedSheff

Your father in law is right to worry about your incredibly unhealthy relationship with money. He is worried for the future of his daughter and his grand son and quite rightly so.

I actually think his heart would sink if you decide to move to another more expensive home. It won't "shut him up" if anything it will make him worry more because you will be taking on far more finance.

Where does it stop?

Sarahwithlove

I was afraid this would happen and your wife wouldn't want it. Seems to be it's your dream not your families dream. They are happy with what they have why can't you be? Is it enough to know that you could do it if you wanted to do it? I think your wife is trying to say that to her you spending time with the family is more important than you aiming for this big house that you are mortgaged to 70% at. Sounds to me her biggest concern is that once the cards are paid off and things are back to normal you will go back to spending money on stuff and working all hours rather than spending the time with your family. I thjnk that's why she's afraid to forgive you because she's not convinced these changes are here for the long term and you saying you want this big house and more debt is saying to her she is right. And yes I know mortgage is a different kind of debt but sounds like to me she would rather stay in the house you are in and you pay that mortgage off and she has the security of knowing the property is owned outright. She wants you to put your families dreams which is to stay here about your own which is to have a 7 figure to use for the sake of being able to boast about it. Sounds like to me your family won't be impressed by the boasting. She's not saying you can't make it she's saying she doesn't want that massive mortgage hanging over her head for years to come. Which is the point I was making. I'm sure if you put your mind to it you could make it and have the house but then you have the extra costs that come with it and the extra mortgage costs which is what she doesn't want. So the question you have to ask yourself is can I be happy where i am and knowing that I could afford it if I wanted to. 

woahsoah

This whole 7 figure thing is rather pathetic. What if your house drops to 999,999? Are you going to sell it and move to a different one? I've never bought anything based on the number of digits it costs. You should fx your wealth metaphorically into IDR or RUB for discussions down the pub. You really can live in a 10 figure house.

strawb_shortcake

As a Mother, I'd rate financial security and stability as a better indicator for any of my Children's future than any flash car or expensive house. 
My Daughter is quite ambitious and also quite motherly so I'm not sure if she will work when she has a family in future, but I wouldn't be impressed if her Husband was so reckless with the family income.

I know you don't like your FIL, but I think you need to look at it from his perspective, he's worried about his Daughter, he won't want to see you fail as the fall out would impact his Daughter and Grandson massively. I suspect you might be able to understand better if you had a Daughter rather than a Son, it may be 2020 but Dad's still are far more protective of Daughters than Son's in some respects. 

We all want different things in life, I'm not fussed by fancy cars and houses, I want to look back on my life one day and say I really lived, I want to see the world, I want to experience so many different things, because that is my hopes and dreams, I think I'd be quite sad if any of my children spent their adulthood in what may be seen as a gilded cage.  

What does your Wife actually want out of life? I know it's been spoken about that she doesn't want to work but she must have some hopes and dreams for what her future may hold? 

Sarahwithlove

You seem to think that owning a house that's worth 7 figures with a 70% mortgage will impress your father in law and your wife. It won't. What will impress them is you having no mortgage on the property. The financial security of knowing you won't lose the house if you suddenly can't afford to pay the monthly mortgage. 

julicorn

I've been reading your diary and the 2 previous threads, and genuinely think you have come a long way in a short time. I really wish you all the best and think you can turn this around fully, even your own attitude. I've been reluctant to write the following, because it might sound harsh, but try and understand that it comes from a perspective of wanting to support you:

For someone your age and who has achieved as much as you have, runs a business, and who is clearly a decent guy who cares for his family (and his employees & tenants), you've got a very juvenile / childish perspective on life. There, I've said it. The way you talk about your goals, what you do, how you spend you or other people's money, all reads like some really basic, paint-by-numbers, boring computer game. All instant gratification, going up a level, and another level, and another level, trying to beat people along the way (also thinking that everyone is jealous of you each time you 'level up', even though no one gives a ****), trying to get to some sort of final level you can beat and have made it, gotten there, finished the game, whatever you want to call it. But life just doesn't work like that. We're not in it for 20 hours, we're all playing the long game. 

I think that's why you still don't fully accept that others with different lifestyles aren't 'failing' and are genuinely happy. From the way you're looking at it, they're not constantly levelling up because they're a bit useless and just bad at playing the game. In reality, they're not playing your game, they're playing a completely different game. One that works in the long run, one that is fulfilling, one that sets up your life in a way that finds people, hobbies and spaces that make you happy for the rest of your life, rather than constantly trying to find something better, never actually finding what you are looking for. 

I genuinely think you can change your perspective, but some of your successes so far and the way you talk about them (even paying down the CCs by selling a lot in a really short time) still sound like you see this as some sort of 'side quest', another level you can beat as quickly as possible, and that will help you level up to wherever the hell you're trying to get to. Well, guess what, there's always another level, and to be honest they're all the same as each other, just throwing more money at the same sort of stuff. No one's impressed by you getting to those 'levels', clearly not even yourself. 

[I probably sound a bit mean here, and I hope you can read this as how it was meant - an honest, well-meaning perspective. I'll shut up now.]

Jellytotts

It must be exhausting in your head.

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Wife fallen out with me over house. Went to bed same time as her said we can get this clear and look to move 5 years lot more realistic than 2 tbf. She kicks off because bigger mortgage and I’m obsessed with money don’t care about family etc etc think I’ve shown I do care about family and new res home would be for us all not like a sports car. Then she brings out the I don’t want you to stretch yourself and be stressed about a massive mortgage trump card. Yep wife tells me I can’t make it too lol.

Got to believe I’m going to get to the next level someday or what’s the point might as well oversee what I’ve got 20/25 hours a week or whatever pay down the btls no pgs and sit back take same money res home paid few nice toys on the drive. I need more get to next level and level after.

@Sarahwithlove where does it stop? It doesn’t i wish it did stop in a lot of ways it drives me but destroys me at the same time lol. Know I need to payoff and take a lesson from the cards - no more cards. Also careful about cars too - one at a time on finance worry less about not having the newest. Waste of money really in a lot of ways. Res home not though yeah fair bit in interest tbf and if rates went up to where they were when I started out would be a nightmare really but that’s not likely to happen anytime soon.

@getmore4less why does it matter if it’s mortgaged or not? Most people can’t buy outright for cash. Wife kicks off about bigger mortgage. Not even knocking current res home for a long time this was my next level lot to like about it but you're in business I think so you must know where I’m coming from? 

@ladyholly sales very frustrating want to be below £25k month end. Not going to be close at this rate. Probably why the anger is quite high right now. 

FIL probably believes I’m going to fail and lose my house. If I could get to next level fact I could get the finance to buy it would shut him up tbf. Can’t right now I know that much so longer term goal definitely. 

Reality check, a couple of weeks sucking up does not cut it,  as said by someone  you need to prove this longer term and bringing up a house move in 5 years was shooting yourself in the foot on that one.

You need to get yourself out of your current mess(about a year) build the business up to fund your aspirations  before you start thinking about spending the money you don't have yet.

You missed the point,  doubling your mortgage to satisfy your head that it will impress people that don't care is the wrong reason to be buying a more expensive house and people will know that, especially those closest to you.

If you want to talk houses you should be talking out what things you need to be looking for in a new place, but they know you don't care as long as it costs more than £1m.

Look at your numbers even ball park way too early to be thinking out loud about a residential move
(should have kept that one in your head).

You are balancing the personal books(just)

Current mortgage and debt repayments together would not cover the house move to £3kpm
(that's £700k @ 2% over 25years, do that move at 45 mortgage to 70)

You are still leaching £1,500pm from the BTL business.

You need a shorter term plan like,
Year 1.(end 2021) 
Debt paid off 
Main Business growing to fund you completely,  free up BTL to grow.
Year 2
both business growing, income growing, assets growing
Review during the year 



 

RelievedSheff

Jellytotts said:

It must be exhausting in your head.

I agree and that is probably why he struggles with sleep because his mind just never switches off.

ladyholly

I am not really surprised your wife has fallen out with you re the house and she isnt telling you that you are a failure. She is telling you she is happy where with what you have you dont need to spend money to prove what a big man you are. Be honest with yourself. Which is more important. You and your family having a happy and content life or you being stressed out and angry because you cant have the stuff you want. (note I said want not need).  I have said it before people are important stuff isnt.