First Steps to Solvency

alt80

@getmore4less that's exactly what I do when I go abroad. Could really do with a break over winter not happening so going to have to make the most of being home. Winding the anger in needed definitely - I think I don't get angry with staff but maybe not as approachable as I should be sometimes though secretary tells me when I'm being unreasonable. She's a formidable woman I need that lol 100 nothing more than a working relationship before anyone makes any dodgy comments ha.

Wife would wonder what I was trying to make up for helping with her stuff at home lol.

@tjp70 thanks I don't want to mess up. 100 my intention is to pay the debt off, try to work on the mindset. Biggest win for me would be getting to a place where I thought I have enough and am enough too I suppose.

Sounds good tbf apart from film I'm not generally a fan of musicals... even less of a fan if I'll apparently see something resembling myself on screen FML lol. Wife likes it so maybe will for her. I am trying to work on the beating myself up with counsellor 100 know I can't go back and change it. 100 would if I could. 

alt80

11/11/20:
1. X7 things up for sale. 4/7 - all wife's doing lol
2. X3 exercise ( just upper body x2 and something else x1 with foot issue wife will come up with something no doubt ha) 1/3. Foot getting better too so went for walk again.
3. Update expenses/ cards spreadsheets. Not today. Ha need to do this. Not even bad just can't face it right now.
4. Finish work 6.00pm and switch email off. More like 8pm tonight but only on and off. Wife thinks I need blanket 'off' time until end of year more discplined.
5. In bed for midnight. Managed 11.30pm last night going to try again bit easier when not going to bed alone haha.

getmore4less

You don't need to go abroad to have a week off/different. 

Got any own house projects you could get stuck into alongside the family time.

Wish I had time for type things. 

RelievedSheff

getmore4less said:

You don't need to go abroad to have a week off/different. 

Got any own house projects you could get stuck into alongside the family time.

Wish I had time for type things. 

House projects is a good one. There is always something to do in or to a house.

alt80

Very true re not needing to go abroad. Always something to be done in/ around the house. Not going to lie I leave looking after this place to wife she does a good job.

Asked wife if she wanted the fragrance for Christmas I know not very spontaneous but she looks through all my statements now and would find out anyway. Hate her shaming me in this way but I do get why she’s not impressed me spending far more than earning. Just wanted to get her something nice she tells me she doesn’t want anything just some time from me over Christmas break. Wonder if she hates me really and just feels trapped. I hate me lol so not too much of a stretch she does too ha.

RelievedSheff

I'm pretty sure you wife doesn't hate you and genuinely just wants to spend time with you and your son over Christmas and next week when you have the week off work.

Why don't you set each other a small Christmas present budget this year? Say £50 each to buy the other a gift or two.

It is what we do each year and we always manage to find each other lovely gifts within budget. I'm pretty impressed with what I have managed to get the other half this year within budget and I'm pretty sure he will be

getmore4less

alt80 said:

Very true re not needing to go abroad. Always something to be done in/ around the house. Not going to lie I leave looking after this place to wife she does a good job.

In your head it is still the "cheap" place we live

Thinking it might help if you got more invested,  it sounds nice, plenty big enough and there are probably a few things you could do to make it even better or projects the wife is looking to do and would get done quicker if you helped out.

Are the Xmas decs up yet, that seems to be quite popular  lockdown activity.

RelievedSheff

getmore4less said:

alt80 said:

Very true re not needing to go abroad. Always something to be done in/ around the house. Not going to lie I leave looking after this place to wife she does a good job.

In your head it is still the "cheap" place we live

Thinking it might help if you got more invested,  it sounds nice, plenty big enough and there are probably a few things you could do to make it even better or projects the wife is looking to do and would get done quicker if you helped out.

Are the Xmas decs up yet, that seems to be quite popular  lockdown activity.

Far too early for the Christmas decorations yet!!

alt80

@RelievedSheff she is insistent she wants nothing for Christmas probably thinks I need to pay it back to the banks rather than buying her anything with income. She’s more or less stopped spending just makes sarcastic comments about anything we buy being the banks’ money really. This morning filled the RR up she had to ask is the petrol was on the business or the banks lol. I say anything and its all well you owe them money / should have thought about that when you spent 2022s pay cheque or the favourite going to mortgage this as well. 100 know where she’s getting it from haha.

DEFINITELY too early for Christmas decs do it this year and she’ll do it every year ha.

@getmore4less I like my house its ‘nice enough for what it is’ lol. Not going to say I don’t want a 7 figure place because I do but the house I’ve got I’m generally pleased with. Lived in a lot worse, thought I’d arrived when I bought current house lol but yes that feeling long gone and do want the next level. Perhaps should get a bit more invested in the place - not done any major works to this one every other house I’ve owned went through the building site phase always trying to level up buy something with right postcode but wrong condition haha. This one right postcode, right condition when I bought just wanted quick refresh internally and new kitchen/ bathrooms easy jobs.

Sarahwithlove

Wow you really are hard on yourself and in response others who try to show a bit of love. Have you considered that your wife genuinely wants you to spend time with her and your son. It wasn't that long ago you spent all day with your son on his birthday and he said it add the BEST I repeat BEST birthday he'd had. And that's because he got to spend the day with you. You're family love you and yes your wife may make digs about money but have you ever thought that's because she knows in the past you have used money as a way to 'buy' their forgiveness. They just want you to give them your undivided attention and in time you will find your relationship will improve with your wife. She just needs to see these changes are long term and not a phase. She wants to know that once you have paid it all off you're not going to turn round and spend it all again and be back here in 4 or 5 years time. It seems to me you have set yourself unrealistic expectations on yourself and are just setting yourself up for failure and then you're family suffer because of the mood swings from you not getting there. Try being happy with what you have and accepting that yes you may get to have a 7 figure house but you're be mortgaged to the max and let's be honest do you really need it? Is it worth it for the stress and pressure it will out in your family and life? Just for the 3 of you. I think you need to consider letting this dream go and instead setting yourself new goals and dreams but based on your family and what they want, not just what you want. You say you're happy where you are, I think you need to accept this is your home not a stop gap and make it a home you all want to stay in. Maybe focus on paying off your mortgage so that your wife and her family have the security of knowing that she won't end up homeless if it all goes wrong. That you can afford to put your son through school, college and university. Getting your BTL down so that you don't need a PG. Being able to say I own my car and my house not the banks. Enjoying life and making memories because I can guarantee it will be the memories and experiences your son will remember not that you got a 7 figure house. You've come so far in such a short space of time and I just hope you can keep it up and realise that this needs to be a lifestyle change. Not necessarily to this extreme as you have been for the debt busting but you're always gonna have to make some sacrifices and choices. Unless you're Richard Branson or something of course. And I think the sooner you begin to realise and accept that the easier you'll find the whole thing. I wish you luck and hope you can forgive yourself for you're past actions and instead focus on what you can do now to make it right now.