A new royal start

QueenJess

themadvix said:

Sounds like a super productive day Jess and you sound chipperer than you have in a while!

 We had to have cream with our crumble because we didn’t have enough milk for custard!

Cream is quite nice with custard and we particularly like the oat cream you can get. Must get some more next time I set foot in a real shop!

QueenJess

First proper day back at work yesterday and I hated it.. was in tears by lunchtime.  I just have to jam a full day of work into my day and no time anymore to do proper cooking or baking and even less time to look after myself or do anything I have to.  If I need to get anything done I have to do it after 8pm or before 9am and get less time to relax or sleep.  It feels like I'm abandoning my children.

I really hope they get on and sort redundancies soon..  I'm not sure how I am going to cope really and I hate I have no choice.  I talked about paying back my maternity pay last night with DH, but it's just not feasible so I'm stuck really.  I know i should be grateful to have a decent paying job that's very simple/boring to do for me (although lots of work), but it just feels awful.  I think it's partially mindset as I know I don't need the job anymore but I still can't leave.

Anyway, going to try and pop outside to do 20mins of gardening at lunchtime today to make myself feel a bit better.  Hopefully it'll also give me time to get lunch and prep the dinner for later.  Lunch is leftover pasta with roasted veg in a tomato sauce (from dinner yesterday).  Dinner is teriyaki salmon stir fry with noodles and as much veg as I can cut up from the fridge.

Mrs_Money_Penny

So sorry to read your having such a rubbish time.It is so hard when your balancing so many plates. You can only deal with so much. Sending hugs xx

QueenJess

Thanks @Mrs_Money_Penny I seem to be all over the shop at the moment.  It doesn't help that DH has got used to me sorting everything out as a SAHM and it is all change now!  I decided to try and pull myself together today though.  Just because I have to work does not mean I have to sit at a desk staring at a screen the whole time and I am allowed to get up to put on washing, hang out washing etc etc.  As long as the work gets done, the actual working time is not relevant.  And actually I find bursts of activity a more efficient way to work for me.

I didn't get out into the garden (although I will pop out later to water) as I got a bit sidetracked starting to clear up the room I'm working in - it started with getting my work stuff out and then snowballed.  It had turned into a bit of a dumping room.  Anyway, got myself properly set up with a keyboard, mouse and frankly enormous monitor that work sent me, threw the boxes into the attic with a pile of other stuff to go in there, cut up a pile of cardboard boxes for the recycling, listed a bunch of new stuff on buy nothing (and chased people up), sorted out a return for some clothes I ordered and bagged up the soft plastics to go into the local shop when I do the nursery/school run later.  The room already looks miles better and I feel so much better for getting all that sorted out.

I treated myself to garlic bread with my leftover pasta for lunch (felt very extravagant for just me!) and cut up all the veg for dinner later.  DH is coming back from work to cook whilst I do the nursery/school run.  It should be ready for 5:30 when I get back and then we'll be in the run up to DD's bedtime.  Last night was the first night that I didn't have to reapply the gum gel stuff to DD in the middle of the night so I really hope her teething pain is getting better.  I haven't slept for a week!

Positives:

• My house is cleaner and tidier than it was yesterday
• My tulips around the tree at the front look beautiful (an unusual burgundy and yellow stripes).  Even the W*itrose delivery man commented on them!
  
• I already have presents sorted for half of xmas - all absolute bargains hunted down on the bay of e
  
• All my seeds are growing quite fast now.  Can't wait to get them outside in a few weeks.
• DD had a ball with me on Sunday and obviously loved spending so much time with me.
• Nursery keep telling us that DD is the happiest baby ever and she is forever cheery and smiling.  Can't be doing anything too wrong then!
  

Bluegreen143

Sending love @QueenJess - it will get easier. 

When I became a SAHM I left 8 months into my first year back and had to pay back 1/3 of my additional mat pay. Lots of people said to me, why didn’t you wait it out an extra four months? But I just couldn’t, I’d already lost 8 months with my kids but by doing that it made it manageable as had reduced what I needed to pay back. But I simply could not face another four months at work especially as I’d been temporarily working part time, but after 6 months I was having to go back to full time (when I handed in my notice at 5 months they let me just stay part time til I left which was a relief, and asked if I could work three more months to finish a project which I did but no way was I making it up to the year).

If the repayments gradually decrease throughout the year you could take it in stages and consider every three months whether the cost/benefit ratio of being there has changed?

QueenJess

Thanks @Bluegreen143 , I'm glad it's not just me who thinks like this!  I read every single word carefully when I signed the pages before I went on maternity leave and it just says I have to come back to work for 1 year to avoid having to pay back my maternity pay.  That's it.  It would make sense if it was pro-rated somehow, but it is silent and doesn't say this.  It's really not something I'd want to ask right now and if they are being awkward (pretty likely), they will insist upon the whole amount until the last day.  In any case, I would only start to potentially consider it if it was pro-rated in the last 1/4 as it's just too much money, so I would have to do 9 months anyway.

The other possibility though (if I really hate it), is working part time instead.  There is nothing in there which said I had to come back to work full time to not pay back my maternity pay.  Of course they could absolutely say no as they want me there full time anyway.  What I find most annoying at the moment is having to work the whole school holidays... if I could get the summer off it wouldn't be quite so bad because DS would be in school everyday.

The other confusing unknown quantity is redundancy.  Something will definitely happen this year and possibly by the end of August.  Now it is incredibly likely they will make me redundant because of it, but it is also possible they may keep me on for a while or quite a long while longer because of my skill set before making me redundant in anything from 1 month later to 2 years.  I'm just not going to know this until the last possible minute because legally that's the way it works, although I may get some sort of insight as I see how it starts to unravel.  It would be silly to go part time and then immediately be made redundant as obviously I'll cut everything in half.  It's all just a waiting game and I feel like I can't do anything/decide anything and am stuck in limbo.

themadvix

No advice QJ, but you have my sympathy - it sounds like an awful position to be in. Sending hugs!

Bluegreen143

@QueenJess why don’t you take some unpaid parental leave in the summer? You can take up to four weeks per child per year (up to a maximum of 18 weeks per child before the child is 18). I’m taking two weeks this year and my husband is taking two as well. But if you took 4-6 weeks off in the summer it would help you practise living on less in case of going part time or leaving one day, and would mean you’d not have to work so much during that 12 months 😆 they can reschedule it if it’s not a good time but only within 6 months and they can’t refuse it legally.

Or take all 8 weeks when you’re 10 months in and then put in your notice before you’re back from leave!

QueenJess

@Bluegreen143 it's a good idea, but I don't know whether they'll agree.  Depending on what happens in the next few weeks, it could get very busy in August.  I have to go into the office tomorrow though, so might slip it into conversation somewhere to see what the reaction is.

QueenJess

Hi all. I hope everyone is having a nice long weekend. Feels odd when DS has only been back to school for 5 days! Barely into a routine and he’s off for another day!

I will update April’s finances early next week when I finish checking it all. Hopefully I will have found money for the first yearly amount I was trying to save for. We did go out all day yesterday and have lunch out as a picnic is a bit difficult with DD. She really does need a cooked meal at lunch currently as she eats so much and I wouldn’t fancy my chances of her staying still long enough for a picnic!

Got some bad news from DH’s best friend and we are just all in shock here really. Have to say that money, jobs, depression, sleep deprivation or whatever just seems utterly unimportant right now. Not sure what to do with myself, but just spending as much time with the kids as I can. I do need to sort out time off over the summer holidays still, so will attempt that conversation next week.