A new royal start

MagicCat

Hi @QueenJess, I thought you might find this interesting, lots of research shows trying to live a more sustainable lifestyle benefits wellbeing as well as the planet, another reason for teaching our children these things. Hopefully this link works https://theconversation.com/climate-change-greener-lifestyles-linked-to-greater-happiness-in-both-rich-and-poor-countries-180182?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Latest from The Conversation for April 5 2022 - 2255622404&utm_content=Latest from The Conversation for April 5 2022 - 2255622404+CID_cd98ca051c741b024ce001a00f565b2e&utm_source=campaign_monitor_uk&utm_term=Climate change greener lifestyles linked to greater happiness in both rich and poor countries

QueenJess

Thanks @MagicCat, that makes me feel a bit better!

Really struggling today.  Not a huge amount of work to do at real work and I am sat here thinking this is a waste of time and I could be spending time with the kids and not paying someone else loads of money to look after them (I worked out it costs almost £1,600 a month for both the kids to be in nursery/after school club!!!!!!!!!.  No wonder my budget always seems to be high.  Once you add in the mortgage it's £2.5k before we've done anything else at all, which is outrageous!).  I know I only need to do this for a year, but that is a huge amount of time and especially when the kids are young.  As soon as work gets busy I think things are going to get very hectic.

Maybe it's the lack of sleep impacting me.  I think because DD is at childcare most the day, she is trying to catch up bf at night and so I am up every 1.5hours or so at night and am permanently knackered now.  I assume DD will give up bf eventually, but I don't want to force her to stop.  She certainly eats plenty otherwise and often more than DS!  Trying to think of some things to look forward to, but not doing a good job today.  At least I'm not at work next week or the week after and can finally spend some time with DS.  Poor thing gets sidelined quite a lot as DD is so demanding.

A few things achieved today.. tidying done, sowed cucumber and chamomile indoors (bit of a risk since we have no greenhouse for the cucumbers and the chamomile was meant to be sown outside, but I had them so nothing lost in having a go), mattress ready to be picked up tomorrow by the council (finally!), flapjacks made for DH so he is happy and I made a cinnamon and pear crumble for pudding.  I would like some cream with it, but will settle for ice cream or custard as we have those and I refuse to shop for things we don't really need.  I also finished updating the finance spreadsheet, but have quite a few unknowns given we have holiday type plans for Easter (lots of days out rather than staying somewhere).  I will save money though where I can by taking snacks/lunches etc and I really have to keep the grocery budget under control this month.

DD was fine at nursery for a bit longer than usual, although she was exhausted so it was basically dinner (yes, she ate with us as well as dinner at nursery!) and then to bed, so didn't see much of her   One positive was that DS absolutely loved after school club and asked if he can go back everyday!  Also, trying to look for the positives, both DD and DS are very happy and content children, it's just me that's the mess!

Edit: Forgot meals!  Feeling very uninspired today and as it was just me for lunch I just had a cheese salad sandwich and the last slice of carrot cake.  Dinner is just freezer food - veggie sausages, mashed potato, broccoli and peas.  Pudding will be the pear crumble with custard/ice cream.

coldcazzie

QueenJess said:

Maybe it's the lack of sleep impacting me.  I think because DD is at childcare most the day, she is trying to catch up bf at night and so I am up every 1.5hours or so at night and am permanently knackered now.  I assume DD will give up bf eventually, but I don't want to force her to stop.  She certainly eats plenty otherwise and often more than DS!  

She absolutely will. There's no children still bf when they're swanning off to high school! When she is ready she will stop. And she's still getting a huge amount of nutrition from the milk - there's a fact sheet by kellymom that outlines all the % of things like viatmin C, protein, calcium, folate etc, which you might want to look at. But bf is also about relationship and connection. So she's rebuilding her bond with you during the night by feeding lots. That's how she reconnects after not seeing you during the day. You're doing a wonderful thing here, and I promise it will pay off, even though it's really bl00dy hard right now!  

QueenJess

Thanks @coldcazzie. I have a weird relationship with bf as the NHS seems to put so much pressure on you to do it and my experience with DS was so horrific (also the reason why I waited so long before another). DS had a tongue tie which was hard to diagnose, but getting anyone to actually help was so stupidly difficult.  The whole experience was just so dreadful I can't even bring myself to type it out as I would prefer to bury it in my mind and not think about it.  At least feeding DD is easy and I don't mind doing it, it's just the tiredness which I find really hard to deal with.

Well my day was hijacked.  I popped out to the chemist, M&S (spending free vouchers from surveys which kept DH happy as I got his smoked salmon and favourite bread) and then AS*A as they are all next to each other.  Should mean I don't need to go into a shop for the rest of April though and we will just need the usual milk and veg/fruit box deliveries or possibly the odd thing at the corner shop.  Whilst I was out the nursery rang as DD wasn't her usual self (she was absolutely normal this morning) and had a very slight temperature.  DH went to pick her up and we got back at the same time.  I just fed her lunch and then put her to bed.  I really hope it is just the end of this cold thing she's had for a while and isn't the start of anything new..  Will have to see how she is when she gets up later.

Probably won't be achieving anything else today, although I do need to somehow squeeze my purchases into the freezer later.  It is still completely rammed full.

I need to start planning for the winter when everything is going to get more expensive and sadly all my yearly expenses plus birthdays seem to come out of my account as well.  I have three lines of things I am saving monthly for in the joint account, so I have decided I will try to save for the yearly expense for these with any leftover budget and then will start saving for things like xmas, birthdays etc.  First up will be the TV licence of £159 and I already have £60 saved up for it.  Anything I can save from the budget this month will be a bonus since everything is so expensive and we have our days out to pay for as well.

coldcazzie

QueenJess said:

Thanks @coldcazzie. I have a weird relationship with bf as the NHS seems to put so much pressure on you to do it and my experience with DS was so horrific (also the reason why I waited so long before another). DS had a tongue tie which was hard to diagnose, but getting anyone to actually help was so stupidly difficult.  The whole experience was just so dreadful I can't even bring myself to type it out as I would prefer to bury it in my mind and not think about it.  At least feeding DD is easy and I don't mind doing it, it's just the tiredness which I find really hard to deal with.

I hear you. It's a complete disgrace that there is so much pressure put on, but then the actual quality of support is beyond appalling, and then when people "fail" having been SET UP TO FAIL, they are made to feel like it's their fault, with all the guilt that comes with that. None of it is your fault.

Just a bit louder... NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT  

Can I recommend a book? I know you say you'd rather bury your head over it, and that is valid as a response, but in my experience that doesn't lead to resolution, it just delays having to deal with the mixed emotions, and they'll continue to hurt you in the meantime. There's a book that's part of Pinter & Martin's Why It Matters series that is called Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matter, by Prof Amy Brown. It's £9, or about £3.50 on Kindle. Definitely worth a read, when you feel ready and able to do so.

QueenJess

coldcazzie said:

QueenJess said:

Thanks @coldcazzie. I have a weird relationship with bf as the NHS seems to put so much pressure on you to do it and my experience with DS was so horrific (also the reason why I waited so long before another). DS had a tongue tie which was hard to diagnose, but getting anyone to actually help was so stupidly difficult.  The whole experience was just so dreadful I can't even bring myself to type it out as I would prefer to bury it in my mind and not think about it.  At least feeding DD is easy and I don't mind doing it, it's just the tiredness which I find really hard to deal with.

I hear you. It's a complete disgrace that there is so much pressure put on, but then the actual quality of support is beyond appalling, and then when people "fail" having been SET UP TO FAIL, they are made to feel like it's their fault, with all the guilt that comes with that. None of it is your fault.

Just a bit louder... NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT  

Can I recommend a book? I know you say you'd rather bury your head over it, and that is valid as a response, but in my experience that doesn't lead to resolution, it just delays having to deal with the mixed emotions, and they'll continue to hurt you in the meantime. There's a book that's part of Pinter & Martin's Why It Matters series that is called Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matter, by Prof Amy Brown. It's £9, or about £3.50 on Kindle. Definitely worth a read, when you feel ready and able to do so.

Thanks.  In the end the breast feeding network (charity) helped me the most and figured out it was a tongue tie, but getting the NHS to then formally diagnose and do something about it was tough.  DH drove me from one breastfeeding clinic to another to try and get them to help us.  Some of them were so concerned about my mental well being that they rang my local hospital for me to try and help.

My neighbour helped me feel a bit better at the time as she had a similar issue with her kids.  With her second she just went with formula after a second tongue tie and said it was fine and there is nothing to feel bad about.

QueenJess

DD was not herself yesterday, but after closely keeping an eye on her all day (and night..) I have concluded it is teething and she's just having a bit of a hard time with it.  I wonder if it's a similar thing to DS who had no teeth at the age of 1 and then got 8 at the same time!  If so, she has 6 to go...

Anyway, she seems back to normal again so sent her back to nursery.  Fingers crossed I don't get another call this morning to pick her up again and she stays feeling ok with it.  I am totally exhausted (again), but got some things to catch up on today (as well as doing some actual real world work!).  Luckily not much on at work so I am very much easing myself back in slowly.  Got the usual tidying and probably seed sowing to do, but should probably put a wash on and I am going to finalise Easter plans by the day and book whatever has to be booked in advance.  Also need to face the freezer and ram a few more things into there.

Easy dinner today and desperate to use up some things from the freezer, so pizza tonight on a normal base for me and DH, but the kids will have it on the 21p pack of crumpets I got yesterday.  They seem to be addicted to crumpets and love the pizza I made on them before, so will do it again.  Will serve with peas and sweetcorn (again to get the freezer a bit less rammed!).  Pudding is still pear crumble and custard.  Need to meal plan for at least the next few days and really must decide what to do for lunch today (just me and DH)!  Also need to rifle through the fridge and see if there's anything in there that needs to be saved.

QueenJess

Oh today was really tough. Awake most the night with DD and her teething. Can’t really think straight today and just found work depressing and pointless. At least I can ignore it for the next two weeks whilst I’m on holiday, but dreading juggling everything when I’m back properly after that. I just really don’t want to be working right now. On the plus side I managed to do and hang out a load of washing, change all the beds and sow pepper and basil seeds. Also took out a jar of strawberry jam from the fridge as no one uses any (only used it for a cake) and I turned it into a jam sponge for puddings over the next few days.

On my own this evening and from DD pick up as DS is out at a party until basically his bedtime. He’ll come back and crash. I have to be here with DD for bf duty. Anyway, we had fun together and I reheated some tomato pasta sauce I made at lunchtime (otherwise impossible cooking with DD) with leftover passata in the fridge that needed using up and cooked some pasta for my dinner which DD then shared (this is her second dinner…). She then proceeded to have two large baby biscuits for pudding!

Right, well DD is finally asleep (she was having too much fun with me) and DH messages to say they are driving back, so better go and wash up, clean up the kitchen, portion up some meat/fish in the fridge and wedge it into the freezer somehow (wish me luck 😬) and then sew up the knees of all three pairs of leggings I wear just in the house as they all have holes! Then hopefully I’ll have the last piece of pear crumble and fall into bed.

MagicCat

Sorry things are so tough. I'm up hourly with my 10 month old at the moment, I have no solutions, just a tired virtual hug of solidarity!

QueenJess

MagicCat said:

Sorry things are so tough. I'm up hourly with my 10 month old at the moment, I have no solutions, just a tired virtual hug of solidarity!

Ugh.. it's just so draining isn't it?!  I find everything falls apart when I can't sleep enough.  I can't think straight, I keep forgetting things, I can't make any decisions on anything and it makes me feel unhappy and a bit depressed.  DD is both teething and has a horrible chesty cough at the end of a cold, so just wants mummy cuddles all the time.  I think I've finally worked out the right combination of medicines etc which helps her sleep and stops her coughing as soon as you lie her down now, so fingers crossed I'll get a bit more sleep tonight

Yesterday DS and DH went out all day and so I took DD to a local farm shop that has a small park, sandpit and some animals to look at.  She had a ball and seemed to love spending the whole day with 100% mummy attention.  DH took her out this morning to meet a friend and then she and DS played together all afternoon.  DS has completely and utterly worn DD out - she couldn't even finish the bedtime routine and we had to skip the books as she had her eyes closed even on the changing mat!  Again... hoping that means she sleeps well tonight!

I spent the morning mainly getting through a bunch of chores - washing, tidying sowing a few more seeds (zinnia's and a new tomato plant as one seedling was not happy), moved the pots around the patio until I was relatively happy with them and also prepped the dinner, made DH's and my lunches for Monday and Tuesday and made everyone lunch for today.  I think I am organised enough now that I can spend lots of time with DS for the coming week as he's on Easter hols.  I actually feel relatively in control at the moment!

Lunch today was leek, pea and cheese orzotto followed by raspberries and yogurt.  Dinner was chicken (from a previous roast chicken I portioned up), spring greens, carrots, parsnips, roast potatoes and hm yorkshire puddings.  Pudding was more of the jam sponge with vanilla ice cream.