Money Moral Dilemma: Do I have to go on my spa day with the person who bought it for me?

jewelqueen

It was a gift for YOU! Take whoever you like. Surely if they wanted to go with you then they would have said something along the lines of ' I bought this for your birthday, I thought I'd take/treat you'. Alternatively you could mention that you couldn't decide who to take with you but were thinking of .... , mentioning someone else, and see what their reaction was. That might give you a clearer idea whether they expected to go with you or not.

fuzzybee007

Be upfront and say you’ll be taking your mum/sister as you would feel uncomfortable with anyone you didn’t know as well as them but make sure you say how pleased you are with the gift.  He obviously appreciates your help.

crmism

It would be most unusual for anyone to present another with a gift and then expect to have a share of it, and I should think that all your friend has done is express his thanks in such a way that you and somebody else can enjoy yourselves without your feeling guilty - you have, when all is said and done, been the Good Samaritan and spent a good deal of your own time caring for and looking after him, and he will doubtless feel comforted in the knowledge that he is repaying his debt.

juliamarsh

A male friend of mine has bought me a voucher for a spa day for my birthday a couple of times in the past. I went with a female friend and told him what a nice time we had, there was no issue and it never crossed my mind that there might be. If he had been upset then I don;t suppose he would have bought me a voucher a second time! A spa day is more a girly thing to do anyway so I doubt the friend has any expectations to go - I imagine he has just done it as a friendly gesture because he is grateful for the kindness that his friend has shown him and wants to say thank you. Accept his gift gracefully and don't overthink it.

primrose_penguin

He bought the tickets for you as a birthday present, so I would say thank you very much and take who you want. If it was not your birthday, and he said I have 2 tickets for a spa and afternoon tea would you like to come with me, that is completely different. He should not be offended, it sounds like you have been really good to him so you should not feel guilty. Just be careful he is not getting too fond of you if it is not reciprocated, this could be the chance to let him down gently by going with someone else and afterwards telling him how much you both enjoyed his kind gift.

Fireflyaway

I've bought my mum spa vouchers a couple of times and actually said at the point of handing it over ' I thought we could have a day out together '. Bit cheeky in that I was benefiting as well, but it was clear that it was an experience for both of us. If a friend bought me a spa voucher then I probably would feel I should ask them if they are a good friend and we hang out a lot. Asking another friend might upset the friend that purchased the voucher. However, if you ask your mum, sister, brother, cousin etc I'd say that's fine. Family is different to friends, so less chance of the friend making comparisons and getting jealous! 

meknowalot-51

Perhaps you've totally misread a very generous gift from someone who appreciates all your doing for him.If he wanted to go with you he would have invited you to go with him,he doesn't want to go with you.Have you got someone to invite?,assuming you have,then invite the person and go.If on the other hand you hav'nt and he knows you hav'nt from all the chats you've had,then i can see the issue.In that case he could be the only possible guest that he knows you have.What i would do is this,go on your own or with someone and don't tell him,avoid contact with him untill afterwards.

kimwp

Fundamentally, if you are not comfortable doing something with someone, then don't do it. Regardless of whether it's an invitation to join someone, a gift with or without an implied obligation, after they've bought you a champagne dinner or after you've been married for 41 years.

I guess the question then is what do you do in your specific situation. Possibly mention that you are going to take your mum/friend and gauge his reaction. If he's disappointed then perhaps offer them back to him? But I think it would be very reasonable just to ask someone else to go with you.