Money Moral Dilemma: Do I have to go on my spa day with the person who bought it for me?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

An old school friend has recently had some health problems - I've been visiting him and taking him out on day trips as he doesn't get out much otherwise. He's bought me a voucher for afternoon tea and a spa day for two for my birthday, as a thank you. I think he might be expecting to come with me, but I'd feel so uncomfortable going to a spa with him. Do I need to invite him or can I go with someone else?

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74jax

Invite someone else. 

Pollycat

MSE_Kelvin said:

Do I need to invite him or can I go with someone else?

No you don't.
Yes you can.


Maybe have a think about his dependency on you...

Sandtree

If I were the buyer, and I have given similar to people as a token of gratitude, I'd hate to be invited along as I've no interest in spa's at all and would feel its a waste too.

Go with whoever you want to, if it was intended as a true gift its truly your choice. If he wanted you to go with him then he should have given you an invite to the spa with him not tickets for two.

swingaloo

I was once given a pair of concert tickets by someone I had done a huge favour for.  As far as I knew she wasn't even a fan of the person the tickets were to see and it never crossed my mind she was expecting to go with me. 
I took my husband to the concert and it was only while in conversation with a mutual friend some time later that I found out that the person who gave me the tickets had assumed I would be taking her and had been quite upset that I didn't. I have never broached the subject with her but I was left feeling quite guilty. 

kangoora

swingaloo said:

I was once given a pair of concert tickets by someone I had done a huge favour for.  As far as I knew she wasn't even a fan of the person the tickets were to see and it never crossed my mind she was expecting to go with me. 
I took my husband to the concert and it was only while in conversation with a mutual friend some time later that I found out that the person who gave me the tickets had assumed I would be taking her and had been quite upset that I didn't. I have never broached the subject with her but I was left feeling quite guilty. 

So the friend that gave you the gift was actually (in her own mind) only giving you half a gift

Sandtree

kangoora said:

swingaloo said:

I was once given a pair of concert tickets by someone I had done a huge favour for.  As far as I knew she wasn't even a fan of the person the tickets were to see and it never crossed my mind she was expecting to go with me. 
I took my husband to the concert and it was only while in conversation with a mutual friend some time later that I found out that the person who gave me the tickets had assumed I would be taking her and had been quite upset that I didn't. I have never broached the subject with her but I was left feeling quite guilty. 

So the friend that gave you the gift was actually (in her own mind) only giving you half a gift

Or a full gift and test of friendship 

Mojisola

If someone gave me two tickets or vouchers for two at an 'experience', I'd assume I could take whoever I wanted.

If they wanted to come with me, I'd have expected them to say that they'd got two tickets and would I like to join them.

sweetsand

Dear OP
A very, very tricky one.
IMHO, the other person is getting seriously attached to you but IMO you are not.
Therefore, it is a time for a clear message to be sent by way of thanking the friend for the very kind gesture and letting the friend know you are taking out your OH/family/friend/etc and will update them when you next see this friend. IMO, the longer you leave something, the more it will hurt when it hapens.

x

lisaoh

There really is a simple answer here, just ask them! Nicely, suggest that you were thinking you might invite said person as they would really enjoy it, is that ok? If they do then suggest you taking them, suggest going as a group, then it is less pressure on you plus you get a break away too :-) 

Keiblem

It’s all very well saying, ‘well if he had bought the tickets and invited you it meant one thing or if... it meant the other’. Easy enough to come to a conclusion that suits us and act on it. But things are never that straight forward. Not talking about it is when people get hurt.
Wouldn’t it solve all the confusion just to ask your friend if he had it in mind to go with you or if it was intended that you could take whom so ever you wished.