Do you understand your partner?

MovingForwards

If she likes the idea of casual company, but you like the idea of a proper relationship and the physical side, something has to give and a compromise made by one / both of you to meet in the middle.

Do you want to still be like this in 10 years?

ElephantBoy57

MovingForwards said:

If she likes the idea of casual company, but you like the idea of a proper relationship and the physical side, something has to give and a compromise made by one / both of you to meet in the middle.
Do you want to still be like this in 10 years?

I would like to be much closer, not sure if she will change at all. The physical side was great, but my body is getting old, so that isn't as important going forward.

She has a son who would benefit from more family interaction; but the reasons why we could be good as a unit never happen.

pollyanna_26

It isn't what you want to hear but I would leave to her to make contact or not.  Do some things you enjoy and see how things go.

Previous bad relationships can make some people wary of becoming overly involved again.

She may contact you or may not but you have a life to live yourself and can't keep hanging around just in case.

Good luck

polly

MovingForwards

Mate you are 59 but talk as if you're 30 years older (no disrespect to any frisky 89 year old!).

You were the one who said about being intimate and have now said it isn't important. Kissing, hugging, holding hands are all a form of intimacy and you don't need to be at it like a 19 year old.

How old is she? As you say about a family unit for her son, but if he is an adult, then it's too late, he has learned to do without a father figure.

I think you need to sit down with yourself and decide what you do want in a relationship before you can grumble about what your companion is / isn't doing with you.

It seems like she wants a friendship, rather than anything else, especially with the time that has gone on.

pollyanna_26

I noticed you haven't mentioned her age. You've just mentioned her son would benefit from a family unit. earlier you said you'd met her sons but not her parents.

What ages are her sons?I If son/s are nearing or already adults I would agree with Moving Forward. They wont be looking for a father figure. That ship has probably sailed.

Perhaps what you want differs from what she does. She may welcome a friend rather than forming a new family unit.

As I said earlier get out and do some of the things you like. It's up to her whether she gets in touch or not,

Life's too short to waste it.

polly

ElephantBoy57

pollyanna_26 said:

I noticed you haven't mentioned her age. You've just mentioned her son would benefit from a family unit. earlier you said you'd met her sons but not her parents.

What ages are her sons?I If son/s are nearing or already adults I would agree with

She is 51, her sons are all above school age, as are my children.

But relationships do involve the whole family, as we both have children living at home.

She does seem to be messaging more today, but likely nothing has changed. I will try to take a step back.

ElephantBoy57

pollyanna_26 said:

I may be wrong but your comment about her saying what is a relationship and her seeming to lack emotion may point to her being on the spectrum.

I brought it up, that I had filled out an autism questionnaire once and asked her if she had ever done one. She said no, but it is possible.

[Deleted User]

Possibly she's going through the menopause and all that goes with it. 
Leave her be for a while, if she needs or wants you let her come to you. 
Sometimes the more you push for answers the more.you push the situation the wrong way.....

ElephantBoy57

ImDoingItForMe said:

Possibly she's going through the menopause and all that goes with it. 
Leave her be for a while, if she needs or wants you let her come to you. 
Sometimes the more you push for answers the more.you push the situation the wrong way.....

I have been pushing for answers more, as a result she does seem to be chatting more, but not really telling me anything.

I would not be surprised if she was a little autistic, but then maybe we are all a little autistic. Chatting to her now

Takmon

Aranyani said:

Takmon said:

ElephantBoy57 said:

I haven't held hands or touched my girlfriend since April. Not sure if lockdown is being used as an excuse, as I believe the government now allow couples to be 'together'. I believe she genuinely does worry about COVID. We go for a walk once per week, or less. A relative was telling me how she didn't feel close to her BF, so she walked away.

Maybe it's a thing that older people do, I am 59

She does have commitment issues. Talks about previous disasters with men. But I am struggling with the lack of closeness. We were intimate last year and early this year.

I do get stressed, but I want to keep trying to make it work.

I am younger than you but considering there was 2 and half months this year without any lockdown 

That does depend on where you live. 

Well I'm assuming the OP is from the UK because this is a UK forum.