Benefits for 15 year old who moved out

ZaSa1418

while she is acting like this you need to stop giving her money, she isn't going to come home while you are giving her money. 
I would imagine even for private fostering this family would have to pass checks etc and i guess they wouldn't pass if what you have said is true. 

RobM99

 "...because she sent naked pics to some one online... "
Alarm bells here - she's 15?

Kim2224

Yes I had her phone found the pictures and she had been conned in to sending them. She was staying at a different friend's one night and they have been on some type of social media. Must have been one that you couldn't send pictures then this person asked her to be a friend on Facebook. She did and they asked for pictures and she sent some then they started saying if you don't send more they would send them to some one else and she sent more. I reported to the police and they took her phone. In January this year the police rung and said they couldn't find out who the person was and my daughter could get into trouble for making the pictures. But she  is stupid the profile on Facebook under Anna Sann they had just joined had no friends it looked bad. Now she's at a friend's no restriction on phone or Internet. I am hoping she has grown up abit after that but honestly don't think so.
She was about nearly 14 when she did it. I have mentioned it to the social and they just say that's what kids do these days. To me they can't be bothered.
Kym

ZaSa1418

Have you stopped giving her money? 
Are you still paying for her phone? 
If the police investigated it and couldn't do anything then what do you expect the social workers to do? 

Kim2224

I have stopped giving her money and cancelled the SIM card. But she has unlimited Internet and phone time there. I can't stop her doing any thing she wants now. I just hope she wouldn't be as stupid after last time. I am not going to worry myself stupid she has made her choice to stay with them and I cant stop her. She has decided not to have contact with her family because she thinks she is a grown up now and wants to be independent.

Kym

ZaSa1418

I would go one further and get the phone blocked, that way she won't have a phone to use for internet and sending child !!!!!! to people and she knows where you are if she needs to contact you.

MinuteNoodles

Kim2224 said:

I have stopped giving her money and cancelled the SIM card. But she has unlimited Internet and phone time there. I can't stop her doing any thing she wants now. I just hope she wouldn't be as stupid after last time. I am not going to worry myself stupid she has made her choice to stay with them and I cant stop her. She has decided not to have contact with her family because she thinks she is a grown up now and wants to be independent.

Kym

All you can do is bring them up the best you can and hope they've learned from it with no guarantees they will. You can't be there hovering over them 24/7 so they'll always do something they want which you won't be happy with so there's no point beating yourself up over it. All you can do is make yourself available and be there for them if things go wrong. Being an !!!!!! and making stupid decisions is part of being a teenager. I grew up in abject poverty, left home at 15 a month after I finished school (youngest in my year) and went to live with girlfriend's parents for a little while before getting my own place when I was 16. My parents did a good enough job of bringing me up that I was capable of fending for myself and so whilst probably not ideal it worked out OK. If anything our relationship improved once I was no longer living there and probably wouldn't be what it is now had I stayed another couple of years.

Kim2224

I am now just leaving her to it in a sense. I feel as she had told lies about me and all the trouble she's been in is apparently my fault. Like her getting kicked out of school police visits every thing really. The family she is staying with are believe her and are treating me like rubbish problem is they don't live that far away from us. I am going to get on with my own stuff other kids. Its really upsetting that you try to do the right thing but it never is with her.

Thanks for your advice 

Kym

mrschaucer

If the authorities have decided that they have no powers to make her come back although you want her to do so, then you'll just have to accept it and concentrate on your other children as you are now doing.  Keep yourself right with your benefits claims by reporting that she has moved out completely and you have been told she will not be back.  What the other family choose to believe is now for them to decide, and how they choose to finance her staying with them is also now their problem, not yours.

Kim2224

When she first started stopping the mother was claiming £1500 a month on benefits and her husband who isn't supposed to be living there is on £3000 a month. My daughter said that they where going to declare him as living back there soon. I found out this week she is now working so I think she would have had to change her uc claim and him being there. The mother had said ashe would be willing to have her stay for her child benefit. So I think that's what she will claim for her a bit different from the private foster money they where expecting she had promised to give the Foster money to my daugther. So I think they will end up out of pocket for having her.

Kym