Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay extra child maintenance during lockdown?

caitanyananda

Hi there. Some may not realise that CSA is income assessed and depends also upon how many nights on average the second parent has the children. If not amicably agreed, the law can insist upon minimum payments being made. I always try to pay more because yes, it costs a lot to raise children. If I can pay for other incidental expenses I do. I have never thought it as "buying time", and I doubt that was the motivation for the question.  So I would ask,  can you afford to offer more? Or, check the gov. calculator to see if you should be? Either way, amicably done would be the best! I hope that helps. 

Pringleton

In a way you're sort of paying for the time that you don't see your kids, I would suggest that, if you're able, then yes, a contribution to the extra costs your partner inevitably has had would be appreciated and to remember that this is to allow them to look after your kids well, get them the things they need, it's not paying them for looking after your children.

I'm in the opposite situation, as I'm now able to work from home I have taken on more time with my kids, knowing that this will relieve pressure a little off their mother, however have not had any reduction in what I pay. 

JReacher1

Middlestitch said:

Paying more would benefit your children, so why wouldn't you do so? Another non-dilemma.

It’s a bit naive to assume that just because you pay more child benefit it will benefit the children. The ex partner could just take the money and buy herself some new clothes/shoes. 

clarie007

I have been fortunate in that my children have still been able to see their dad without any interruption over the last few months but I do understand that for others this isn't and hasn't been possible for a whole host of reasons individual to each family.  To those families, you have my heart as it is a difficult position for anyone to be in.

I think everyone has covered the 'how maintenance works' bit so I am going with my thoughts are on a possible alternative way to give some one off help......  If you feel you would like to contribute a little more in a financial way, is there anything you can help out with that your children need?  Whilst money always seems the 'elephant' and difficult to discuss especially if things aren't "great" between you, can you offer to buy the new trainers needed or get the school uniform for the following year?  Are there clubs or other out of school activities that are resuming that you could contribute to as we all get back to some form of normal?  I have found that this type of help is useful, especially when I have 2 kids who need everything to go back to school all at once.  It also spares my ex of explaining why he can 'afford' to give me extra money..... Just thought that this could be an alternative way to help out your ex in a sort of indirect way! 

fields5

As my daughter has had to shield my granddaughter has not been able to spend weekends at her dads she has seen him with social distance but he has not paid any child maintanance since feb plus he owes quite a lot from not paying the full amount so i think  that extra should be given as children are growing all the time and they are your children aswell

littlemadam

this isnt about the fact as to whether you have seen your children or not, its more about has their mother been able to afford to feed them properly during the lockdown period.  You said that you agreed to this arrangement so why question the fact that you could if you wanted give them extra.  Im hoing that their mother would have asked if she was struggling but may be she is to proud.  Why not offer her extra money anyhow.

NickyB29

Child maintenance is for the child's welfare and not the ex partner - so surely if you can afford it it is a no brainer to pay extra as there will have been extra costs involved in having the child full time - especially as you mutually agreed to not have the child at weekends due to CV19 - I'm sure/hope you'll be able to them again soon

brassmonkey001

In my situation, my ex is classed as vulnerable and was advised to shield for 12 weeks. We decided that our son would stay with her for the first six weeks then stay with me for six weeks thus minimising the risk of passing any germs. Maintenance stayed the same throughout, so for the first six weeks she bore the brunt of any additional costs incurred by having him at weekends as well as through the week but for the second half she would have been better off financially, so it all kind of works out in the end. In fact in financial terms it works out in her favour but I'm not going to quibble that.
So, to the OP, see if you can get extra access to your kids to make up for the lost time, this would redress the balance both in terms of time with them and financially. 

ginger_chocolate

It's really interesting to see the assumptions everyone is making that the absent partner is male and the one the kids are living with is female - and all the follow on assumptions about useless men and cash-grabbing women. Gender is not mentioned in the original dilemma: the absent parent is asking about whether they should offer more, not trying to wriggle out of paying it, and the couple seem to have decided between themselves that the kids staying with one parent  is in the children's best interest - it's not one parent meanly withdrawing access from the other. Everyone seems to be behaving well here.
My suggestion would be that if you have an inkling that your ex might be struggling financially to provide for the kids, it would probably be appreciated if you offered something extra, and perhaps having a sensible adult conversation about what would be appropriate as I'm sure you did when you decided how to handle lockdown living arrangements. In the current situation, a bank transfer of money is probably the most efficient option - buying goods and trying to get them to the kids seems like more trouble than it's worth.

tgroom57

I'm in favour of keeping things as close as possible to what they were before.  So this would be keeping the child maintenance payments the same.  Definitely arrange a week (or 2 separate weeks) to make up for lost time with your child(ren) - it'll give the mum a much needed break. Any "extra" money you feel inclined to part with would be best saved for buying clothes & shoes - it's too easy at the moment to prioritise DIY and buy for the garden.