Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay extra child maintenance during lockdown?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm separated and my children live with my ex-partner. They usually stay with me at weekends and while children have been allowed to move between households during lockdown, we decided against it. As they haven't been to stay in three months, I've been wondering if I should pay extra child maintenance. On the one hand my ex is having to pay more than usual for food, utilities and so on while I'm paying less, but on the other I haven't been able to see my children properly for weeks.

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. 

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KxMx

Money and access are separate issues so shouldn't be linked. 
Sounds like it was a mutual decision so it again would be unfair to withold child support. 

MovingForwards

KxMx said:

Money and access are separate issues so shouldn't be linked. 
Sounds like it was a mutual decision so it again would be unfair to withold child support. 

There wasn't mention of withholding, but asking if more should be paid.

onwards&upwards

I'd need more info to comment.  Has either parent had their income affected by lockdown?  Lost a job, been furloughed etc. 

I do think the moneysaver needs to start seeing their children again though.  They will be missing their absent parent terribly after being used to seeing them every weekend, and the absent parents really needs to start pulling their weight a bit more on the childcare/parenting front! 

Fireflyaway

I really don't understand the comment about not seeing them whilst inferring that should mean you shouldn't have to pay more?! That sounds as though you are buying time with your kids and feel put out that you didn't get your monies worth! 
Kids obviously cost money. The state of the relationship someone has with their ex shouldn't impact what they pay towards their kids upkeep. Having said all this, you obviously do care or you wouldn't be asking the question! I'd say it would be really thoughtful to pay a bit more. If you are worried the money won't get spent on the kids, maybe offer something extra. Offer to buy their school shoes or uniform or give the kids some spending money so they can pick some treats (depending on their age). 

andreafundraiser

I can’t see how seeing your children less has any bearing on this matter. Child maintenance is money for maintaining children, not a payment for time spent with them. 

You know how much it costs to care for children..do the right thing. I know you know what that is.

tangledspaghetti

It’s not about “paying to see your kids”.
It’s about not spending on their food and activities that you’d normally fund whilst they are with you in the weekends.

I’m wondering why you decided not to stick to the usual routine. It sounds like this was a joint decision and I’m guessing  that one of you has a high risk job or medical condition that would make the transfer of children between the homes extra risky. 

I’m more troubled that the children haven’t seen one of their parents for over three months, I hope you're managed to stay in contact via video chat regularly. 

If you calculated your spending g in the children every weekend and offered three months worth to your ex to make up the extra she’s had to pay it you can afford to, I’m sure she’d greatly appreciate the gesture. Fostering a good relationship with your ex is possibly the best thing you can do for your children to be honest - so if you think it will be well received, do it! 

topher67

KxMx said:

Money and access are separate issues so shouldn't be linked. 
Sounds like it was a mutual decision so it again would be unfair to withold child support. 

Read the post, it wasn't about withholding payment.
For your information, the amount of maintenance paid is calculated on and  directly related to the amount of time the absent parent spends with the child/children. So its a valid question because the op is spending less time with the child/children during lockdown.
Fair play for asking this question, it's one I've thought about over the last few months when the parent of my child denied me access for 3 months without any discussion with me, no negotiation.
Yes, I've kept in touch via vid calls, letters, random gifts in the post etc but it's been incredibly difficult.
I would say that no,

topher67

topher67 said:

KxMx said:

Money and access are separate issues so shouldn't be linked. 
Sounds like it was a mutual decision so it again would be unfair to withold child support. 

Read the post, it wasn't about withholding payment.
For your information, the amount of maintenance paid is calculated on and  directly related to the amount of time the absent parent spends with the child/children. So its a valid question because the op is spending less time with the child/children during lockdown.
Fair play for asking this question, it's one I've thought about over the last few months when the parent of my child denied me access for 3 months without any discussion with me, no negotiation.
Yes, I've kept in touch via vid calls, letters, random gifts in the post etc but it's been incredibly difficult.
I would say that no,

Sorry, hit the send button by mistake!
Anyway, I wouldwould say continue with your regular payments, and hope you get to see your kid/s soon! You're obviously a committed "absent" parent, well done to you.

Middlestitch

Paying more would benefit your children, so why wouldn't you do so? Another non-dilemma.

Click_safe91

I was in a similar situation to this. My daughter lives 111 miles away from me. Due to the lockdown we agreed that travelling wasn’t the best option for my daughter. I hadn’t seen her for in excess of 11 weeks (I usually have contact every other weekend) I discussed child maintenance with my daughters mum. (For those of you who aren’t aware, child maintenance is based on how many nights you have your child/children). We agreed my child maintenance wouldn’t change, even though I offered more, as I would make up any missed time with my daughter. I managed to make up most of the time before she got called back into school. Although when the summer holidays come I’m looking forward to making up the rest of the time. I believe in this situation communication is key, it’s always best to discuss this between yourselves. I’m really fortunate that my daughters mum is fantastic, we get on really well and have great communication. 

I hope you find a way to work out this dilema.