Just wondering....

74jax

lovehedgehogs said:

thorsoak said:

Were I in your shoes, I would keep both sides completely separate - tell him that if you die, he will have no rights to your home, that it will be divided immediately between your own children.   That is what is happening to his assets.   In the meantime, enjoy life as it is, but make it clear to him that he must make his own arrangements should he need help/care as he gets older - that you will not be responsible for caring for him, and that you will not expect him to be responsible for caring for you.

I told him if anything happens to him health wise I’ll put him in a taxi to return him to his beloved offspring. 🤨

What was his reply? 

Why are you together, what do you both get out of it.  Is it convenient? 

lovehedgehogs

FreetodoasIlike said:

Your relationship is fairly new (for you to be considering letting him stay in your home if you died before him, I mean). You asked him if he wanted to stay in “your” house if you died first and he told you that he would probably live with his father or his father’s house if he wasn’t around. I am slightly confused. You said that his children will inherit “two” houses. I am assuming that you mean that his children will inherit their mother’s house as well and that he doesn’t own another property, other than his father’s?  You need to protect your own children. Make is clear that if you died first (not a nice conversation to have, but, nevertheless, a sensible conversation that you’ve already had) that your children will inherit your house with immediate effect. He has indicated that he won’t want to continue to live in “your” house and he has a house to go to, so he won’t be homeless.

it sounds to me that he’s getting off quite lightly. It’s “your” house, you’re paying the mortgage and presumably all house related things - like home insurance, home improvements or any structural work that may be required in the future. He is contributing £100 a week, which in my mind, isn’t enough. Like another poster said, split the cost and ensure that he makes a fair contribution towards household bills. His children sound a bit money-grabbing to me. You said that he would hardly win “father of the year” and that he left the family home when they were quite young so it may be understandable that there may be little love lost and they want to get what they are “entitled” to. They probably dislike you, even though that they haven’t met you, because they fear for their inheritance. By the way, has your partner met “your” children? What do they think of him?  Do they like/accept him?

He is in a good position financially. He has a good pension pot, a house he owns and, if anything were to happen to him health wise in the future, the care he may need should come out his own savings/assets. With regard to his ex-wife, and the business aspect. He probably made her a “sleeping” partner for tax purposes and maybe came to some arrangement financially that, when they divorced, she would still benefit from the business (hence her receiving the Government payment) and that she wouldn’t make a claim on his pension. Has he ever discussed the terms of his divorce with you?

This is a relationship thread from a financial forum, so you were right to post under this thread. If you’re happy (and love) him and don’t want to split up, then carry on as you are but please make it clear in your will that your children will inherit your house and any assets and that any health care in the future will be funded from your partner’s assets. His children may then realise that they were stupid not to embrace you into the family - if you were subsequently to become their father’s “ unpaid carer!” Also, have a good look at all your household bills. He should be contributing half to everything, except the mortgage. £100 a week is only £5,200 a year, about £433 a month. If you got a lodger you could get at least £500/£600 a month rent in even the worst sought after areas!

Thank you for your comprehensive reply.  He has never discussed the divorce with me. She inherited 2 houses. He’s inherited 1 from his dad and he bought one outright for his daughter. So there’s no mortgages on any of them. I don’t care. He’s getting really a cheap deal with me I realise. I put a boiler in last week at £2500. I juggled credit cards. I was made redundant in January with a bit of money but thankfully I have another full time job. It’s interesting to hear other people’s views and I’m very grateful! So thank you. 

lovehedgehogs

lovehedgehogs said:

FreetodoasIlike said:

Your relationship is fairly new (for you to be considering letting him stay in your home if you died before him, I mean). You asked him if he wanted to stay in “your” house if you died first and he told you that he would probably live with his father or his father’s house if he wasn’t around. I am slightly confused. You said that his children will inherit “two” houses. I am assuming that you mean that his children will inherit their mother’s house as well and that he doesn’t own another property, other than his father’s?  You need to protect your own children. Make is clear that if you died first (not a nice conversation to have, but, nevertheless, a sensible conversation that you’ve already had) that your children will inherit your house with immediate effect. He has indicated that he won’t want to continue to live in “your” house and he has a house to go to, so he won’t be homeless.

it sounds to me that he’s getting off quite lightly. It’s “your” house, you’re paying the mortgage and presumably all house related things - like home insurance, home improvements or any structural work that may be required in the future. He is contributing £100 a week, which in my mind, isn’t enough. Like another poster said, split the cost and ensure that he makes a fair contribution towards household bills. His children sound a bit money-grabbing to me. You said that he would hardly win “father of the year” and that he left the family home when they were quite young so it may be understandable that there may be little love lost and they want to get what they are “entitled” to. They probably dislike you, even though that they haven’t met you, because they fear for their inheritance. By the way, has your partner met “your” children? What do they think of him?  Do they like/accept him?

He is in a good position financially. He has a good pension pot, a house he owns and, if anything were to happen to him health wise in the future, the care he may need should come out his own savings/assets. With regard to his ex-wife, and the business aspect. He probably made her a “sleeping” partner for tax purposes and maybe came to some arrangement financially that, when they divorced, she would still benefit from the business (hence her receiving the Government payment) and that she wouldn’t make a claim on his pension. Has he ever discussed the terms of his divorce with you?

This is a relationship thread from a financial forum, so you were right to post under this thread. If you’re happy (and love) him and don’t want to split up, then carry on as you are but please make it clear in your will that your children will inherit your house and any assets and that any health care in the future will be funded from your partner’s assets. His children may then realise that they were stupid not to embrace you into the family - if you were subsequently to become their father’s “ unpaid carer!” Also, have a good look at all your household bills. He should be contributing half to everything, except the mortgage. £100 a week is only £5,200 a year, about £433 a month. If you got a lodger you could get at least £500/£600 a month rent in even the worst sought after areas!

Thank you for your comprehensive reply.  He has never discussed the divorce with me. She inherited 2 houses. He’s inherited 1 from his dad and he bought one outright for his daughter. So there’s no mortgages on any of them. I don’t care. He’s getting really a cheap deal with me I realise. I put a boiler in last week at £2500. I juggled credit cards. I was made redundant in January with a bit of money but thankfully I have another full time job. It’s interesting to hear other people’s views and I’m very grateful! So thank you. 

And yes he has met my children. They are very well mannered and I don’t think they would tell me if they had any reservations. However my brother does not have those manners and is very vocal and says my partner is out for himself! 

annabanana82

You are only in your 50's you have plenty of time of left for travel and enjoyment but it sounds like you potentially have a great big anchor that may limit how you spend your future.
 It really doesn't sound that you get that much out from the relationship and I think we all deserve a bit better, someone that wants to be with us and are invested fully in that relationship.

Savvy_Sue

It is perfectly possible to write a will that would allow him to stay in your house for up to a year (or any other period you decide - 3 months might be plenty!). I don't know what your will says at the moment, but I'd prioritise sorting it out, and it doesn't sound as if you need to be over-generous towards him. 

However, I would talk to your solicitor to ensure that it's watertight against him being able to claim he was dependent on you, and that you haven't made sufficient provision for him. 

onwards&upwards

lovehedgehogs said:

onwards&upwards said:

How can his family dislike you if they have never met you?  

Are you sure its not him they dislike?  And perhaps for a very good reason! 

This doesn't sound like the kind of relationship you can comfortably grow old in knowing that you can depend on each other and not have to worry about the future. 

They probably think I am after his money/their inheritance. I know categorically they dislike me and never want to meet me. He is only allowed to see his grandchildren if I’m not around. I am actually quite a decent well brought up person with good manners.....,😊

Ugh, the whole thing sounds like more trouble than its worth. 

gentlepurr

I'm sorry but i would be running for the hills, and i suspect that if you were honest with yourself, you feel the same way too.

gp xx

lovehedgehogs

annabanana82 said:

You are only in your 50's you have plenty of time of left for travel and enjoyment but it sounds like you potentially have a great big anchor that may limit how you spend your future.
 It really doesn't sound that you get that much out from the relationship and I think we all deserve a bit better, someone that wants to be with us and are invested fully in that relationship.

Thank you. That's how I feel. People should be fully invested or there’s no point. Thank you. 

thorsoak

Sounds like it might be time to give him Notice to Quit!   At the very least, ,it sounds as if it is time for a serious talk about whether you have a future together, or whether it's time to say "we've had a good time, but now its time to go our separate ways".