Trying to leave relationship

in MoneySaving Mums
20 replies 2.5K views
27 years relationship coming to an end,  have been on the housing list since November, apparently near the top now.
Things starting to get nasty and he's trying to get me to leave .. we have 1 daughter 16.
We have been renting a house from his friend for almost 3 years, so no chance of me staying, and I wouldn't want to anyway.
I have never seen a tenancy agreement, although I have asked previously.
Partner is now saying that I owe him 12K towards the rent he has paid (he earns more than me, never been a problem him paying the rent) and that its confirmed by his solicitor (I guess another lie).
I have paid some utility Bill's, all food and paid almost everything for my daughter.
Would I be liable for this once I've moved out? I know the rent is up to date, paid monthly DD.



  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    0 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
     No you won't. This is a civil matter between you and your partner and he would have to take you to Court to get back what he feels you owe. He'd need to prove you owe it ie a contract naming you as liable. 
  • Candyb101Candyb101 Forumite
    15 Posts
    10 Posts First Anniversary
    Thank you. That's a great help.
    Considering I've practically spent 25 years being the one paying the Bill's and bailing him out of debt .. 
  • Savvy_SueSavvy_Sue Forumite
    43.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    No chance of you getting a private tenancy? I'd want out as soon as possible ... 
    Still knitting!
    Completed: TWO adult cardigans, 3 baby jumpers, 3 shawls, 1 sweat band, 3 pairs baby bootees, 2 sets of handwarmers, 1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 3 balaclavas, multiple hats and poppies, 3 peony flowers, 4 butterflies ...
    Current projects: pink balaclava (for myself), seaman's hat, about to start another cardigan!
  • SistergoldSistergold Forumite
    882 Posts
    500 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    After 27years and a daughter you now owe him 12k? How did he come up with that figure? Look you owe him nothing! Hope you get accommodation soon! X
    Initial mortgage balance £487500,
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£35534.25 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • gwynlasgwynlas Forumite
    797 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper
    Are you married?
    You would not be liable for rent to date but should be seeking maintenance for daughter.
    If divorcing you would be entitled to half the assets to help in furnishing future accommodation.
  • Candyb101Candyb101 Forumite
    15 Posts
    10 Posts First Anniversary
    Thank you all.
    No, never married.
    I'm holding out for a council house, re cheaper rent.
    I'm managing to hold my tongue at the moment, so as not to start any arguments.
    I have been very careful with my money over the last few months, cutting back on shopping etc, bought some 2nd hand pine beds for us, stored at my sisters .. along with bedding.
    Have been buying Asda vouchers (again sent to my sisters) every month to help with soft furnishings and buy necessities/food etc.
    Amazing what I have found in the loft lol.
    My sister also has my personal belongings, baby/school books, photo's etc .. just incase I have to move quickly.
    Both myself and daughter can't wait to move out .. she can't wait to get decorating bless her.
  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
    11.7K Posts
    10,000 Posts Third Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    Are the utilities in your name, his or both?

    Well done on planning ahead, it will make it a lot easier and I hope you get out soon.
  • Candyb101Candyb101 Forumite
    15 Posts
    10 Posts First Anniversary
    I have water, gas and electric
  • NewMeNewLifeNewMeNewLife Forumite
    187 Posts
    100 Posts Third Anniversary
    Not sure, but if you ring the housing list people, and explain your partner is turning violent, and both you and your daughter feel at risk, surely they will get you accommodation ASAP? Wouldn't that class you and your daughter as vulnerable people? Even if they put you in a flat for a month or two until you get your final place, it's worth it isnt it?

    I know it's easier said than done, but you and your daughter do not deserve to live in such conditions. Leave asap, but safely, and never look back. You are both strong independent women, and deserve nothing but total love and respect. Cut anything less from your life. 

    P.s. maybe worth getting support from domestic abuse helplines? Remember, emotional abuse and blackmail is just as bad, if not worse, than physical violence xx
    Emergency Fund: £300 / £1,000 (30%).
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