Trying to leave relationship

[Deleted User]

 Yes they would be housed but most likely in a hostel for abused women and children. There are no flats to put people in. There are huge waiting lists for them. The wait being years rather than weeks

AskAsk

it is laughable what he has said, if it was me, i would just burst out laughing. 

there is absolutely no way he can get any money from you.  to get money from someone, you need to prove the debt and as you have been living together as a couple, the money is jointly spent, so no court in this country will ever determine a debt against you.  tell him to pull the other one.

kazwookie

Make sure you also remove all your personal papers ie passport, ID,  birth cert, etc and the same for your daughter.

Any pin numbers he know change them and passwords.

Any joint accounts bank or other wise, remember to get your name off them asap.

Socajam

AskAsk said:

it is laughable what he has said, if it was me, i would just burst out laughing. 

there is absolutely no way he can get any money from you.  to get money from someone, you need to prove the debt and as you have been living together as a couple, the money is jointly spent, so no court in this country will ever determine a debt against you.  tell him to pull the other one.

Bad advice.
When someone is being like this, the last thing you would want is to laugh when they are telling you something as ridiculous as this.
OP as someone who went through this, it is hard to give a response when he is being ridiculous, but one technique I learnt, was to count to ten before replying.
Not trying to frighten you, but be very careful not to antagonize him during this process - remember that your daughter needs you to be alive - a dead parent will be no good to her.
I saw my mother went through this with my father and I had the same situation with one boyfriend who probably would have ended up killing me if I never put a stop to it the first time he hit me.
He apologized of course and professed love etc, but that was not the way I wanted to live my life, after having to live through my childhood like that.
I wish you all the best, it's going to be hard, but peace of mind is a lovely thing to wake up to each and every day.

elsien

Just to point out OP said things were turning nasty.
There has been an assumption made that this means domestic violence,  which isn't necessarily the case. Many relationship splits can get messy/ nasty between the two partners without it being an abusive relationship. 

Candyb101

Thank you all for your advice and comments.  Luckily he has been spending a lot of time out of the house, I'm keeping my distance and not really any communication between us .. so that's a bonus.  I think he's playing mind games really, like leaving me to the child care .. which although tiring .. it's lovely to of spent such quality time with my girl.
But the good news is ... I have been offered a gorgeous, brand new 2 bed detached house (council), in a lovely area ... was supposed to be ready on the 4th .. now around the 20th .. so another blooming month to wait!!
Luckily, the nastiness has stopped ... I'll stay stum til a week before .. if still ok to be here

Socajam

OP not sure what you mean about stay stum, but I would not let me know where you are moving to.
In fact do not mention anything about moving to your daughter, the less she knows about where you are moving and when the better it is for both of you
Yes, you are excited and congratulations about the house, you are extremely lucky, but please try and keep that cheerfulness under wraps, the last thing you need is for him to suspect something.  He is not stupid and may be playing games with you without you really recognizing it.
In the meantime, whilst you wait to move, sign up for online banking with paperless statements - if you can do this with all of your financial accounts - this would be best for you.
Not sure if this is was covered, but get yourself  a land line - use to alert family/friends that you are home.
Get into the habit of letting them know when you leave home,  when you arrive at your destination and when you return home - instead of calling from your cell at home, you would call from your land line.
Ensure that your daughter memorizes the number of family/friends, you never know when she might have to call.
Get her a cheap cell phone, ensure that she knows how to use it and that it is charged at all times.  Program important numbers in order of importance.
This is not going to be for ever, but for the first year at least, you are going to have to be extremely vigilant.
Make a habit of checking your car before opening the door and jumping in.  If you can afford it, get some cameras for front and rear of the house.  In fact before buying any furniture, this would be my #1 priority.

Fireflyaway

It looks as though you have a good future but I agree with Socajam, in that not telling your husband you are leaving is safest way. After 27 years, he is likely to be very shocked that you are leaving. He might well be angry and see you as taking his daughter away. He might be angry that you have been planning things behind his back. Even if he hasn't been violent so far, that could potentially cause him to be. Don't tell him. Move out when he isn't around and don't tell him where you are. Write him a letter / send a text to say you are safe but have moved out. Keep it brief and calm and don't cast blame. Then change your number and bank accounts. I know your daughter is excited but you need to be careful she doesn't inadvertently let something slip or throw it out there during an argument. 
I really wish you the best. It's not easy but you have a bright future ahead. A fresh start and a more stable happy life for your daughter. 

Candyb101

I'm glad to report, that I have now been in my new home for 1 week .. it's heaven!!!  So beautiful.
Thankfully I managed to get most of my things out of the house, still bargaining with him on the rest.
I've not been upset, just feel so relieved to be out, it was a long hard 10 month wait.
And I have the perfect neighbour, who has also gone through the same thing a few years ago .. and also has a 15 year old daughter.
Even in this short time, I can see a much relaxed, less stressed daughter 😀

MovingForwards

Congratulations, I'm so pleased for you and to have support from a neighbour who understands is unbelievable.
Now you can start to settle in and find yourself.