Sh*t creek - is now in my rear view mirror...!

MovingForwards

Relative will calm down. Would it be worth looking at a power of attorney now, just in case.

That's good news about the car and recognising alternative ways of helping, although physical assistance would be appreciated too. Sometimes it's best to take what you can.

Irenadler

Relative is somewhat calmer... however, still not accepting that they need current help despite recent event.

Definitely a good help - although I have said that I can't do it all single-handedly, and if I need more help than a car, I hope they would be there too. The helping out relative has agreed, although, not specific about anything. So I am not sure how it will pan out...

MovingForwards

Possibly sell it to relative that doing the things now, will be a lot easier than in several years time. 

Plant the seed and water it occasionally, don't pretend you are coping doing it all and drop in to conversation that you need a day to yourself for recharging purposes. 

Irenadler

Thanks Babs
I don't need to pretend I am coping, unfortunately, the lack of sleep and eyes like wee-wee holes in the snow effect are showing.... I am forcing myself not to go round every day, even though I want to as my relative tries too hard to pretend they are ok and clearly exhausted. So it's a break for us both.... just having to wait for various referrals, which, understandably at the moment aren't at the top of the NHS priority list.....

In other news, despite my eyes looking like slits, I have pushed on with more surveys....

MovingForwards

I thought you were round every day for hours, it's good you're having time away.
Well done on doing the surveys!

Irenadler

Thanks Babs, I was, but it gets to the point where its counter-productive. Like relative fretting I am trying to do too much, stressing because they can't do what they feel they should, not resting enough and putting on a front they are ok, which meant they are more exhausted....  And then they are fretting that I look tired, and so on....

So, at the minute, it's better I take it back a notch.... there's always surveys!

Skint_yet_Again

Well done Ren for recognising you both need a rest. It’s so easy to become obsessed that they cannot cope & feel like you have to be there 24-7. I know I was like that after DF came out of hospital after sepsis so nearly killed him. Dementia is such a cruel illness too, I think what you are doing is amazing and shows your inner strength. 

Irenadler

Skint_yet_Again said:

Well done Ren for recognising you both need a rest. It’s so easy to become obsessed that they cannot cope & feel like you have to be there 24-7. I know I was like that after DF came out of hospital after sepsis so nearly killed him. Dementia is such a cruel illness too, I think what you are doing is amazing and shows your inner strength. 

Thank you Skinty, you are making me fill up! 

I am having to restrain myself because I feel I am burning out, so, I would be no help at all then...

In other news, I have been tempted by the Xmas decoration aisle in the local supermarket and splashed out on multi-coloured lights. I will be putting them up outside this week-end, to cheer up both myself and the neighbours. My mini NHS tribute! Seven whole squidsworth.... I've noticed a lot more lights being put up this year, and a lot earlier, so people must all have the same feeling that they need something to look forward to and to cheer themselves up too.

Now we are in lockdown version 3.0 from next week, we are having a much smaller Xmas than previously planned. I will visit one household, for main meal only (usually stay over a few days, not this time), so limiting our time together. No gathering together of the clans this year... so that rules out the vegetarians, and the extra omnivores, leaving only one lactose intolerant, one omni, and one vegan (moi). I guess that's a lot simpler and less stress anyway.

Don't want to dampen anyone's enthusiasm for Xmas, but, we all know we aren't out of the woods yet. I will be doing my grand tour of the streets after sunset, to see everyone's efforts at lighting up - and yes, dragging the dog around too! Ha!

Positive news, I have managed to save £100 now I have been 'paid' for the month! The car is on hold just now, as the offer is dependant on the relative concerned doing a lot of things - down-sizing, moving, etc, which has had a hiccup. That gives me more chance to save up for longer, for any of those additional car expenses, however, not being able to be there as quickly for the poorly relative. Swings and roundabouts.

Skint_yet_Again

I don’t think Christmas will be the big party time some people are/ were expecting and I heard on the news that they are expecting the death toll to rise after xmas & a 3rd wave 😳 I think you are wise to downscale your gathering but I’m sure you will still have a lovely time. 

MovingForwards

That's a good price for lights and should last you for years. Decorations have started to go up around here too.

A small, intimate Christmas sounds wonderful and will take the edge off your stress levels. Most of the food can be done together, with the meat / vegan elements cooked as standalone items.

You're a step closer to your new goal, a million miles from where you where and the car will sort itself out in the end.

I don't think you're putting a downer on anything, pretty sure we all know this is the way of the land for a while yet. One day, there will be a proper turning point, history has shown us that.