Moved house, regretting it

eidand

It sounds to me like you've got it in your head that you want a new build and nothing else will please you.
Problem with that is you might sell at a loss, buy an overpriced new build and then discover a lot of new problems that come with that.

You bought that house for a reason so I can't really believe it's not what you wanted, why would you buy it otherwise. Stop taking things down for now, fix the issues that must be fixed asap. Live in it for a while and decide what else needs done and keep doing things at your own pace, when you have the time and money. Think what will please you the most and do that first.

All houses will need stuff done, will need maintenance etc so that part is never going away. The important bit is not to make any rush decisions, take your time and think objectively.

Jumblebumble

It is disruptive moving to a new place and not being sure you have made the correct decision as in the short term it is your house but not yet  not your home
You need to mindful about "The Grass is always greener" syndrome
There are issues with your house  but if you buy a new build you will not have the same issues but you may very well be swapping for totally different set of issues
The perfect house does not exist
Time is a great healer so best not do anything rash

AW618

Just live it it as it is.  Most people would have said our house "needed everything doing" when we moved in; that was 12 years ago and most of it is still the same.  Essential repairs are one thing, cosmetic stuff never "needs doing".

RelievedSheff

Jumblebumble said:

It is disruptive moving to a new place and not being sure you have made the correct decision as in the short term it is your house but not yet  not your home
You need to mindful about "The Grass is always greener" syndrome
There are issues with your house  but if you buy a new build you will not have the same issues but you may very well be swapping for totally different set of issues
The perfect house does not exist
Time is a great healer so best not do anything rash

you make a very good point about new builds. They are not just move in and forget. They take a lot of work to turn them from an out of the box blank canvas into a warm and welcoming home.

We didn't appreciate just how much work it would be.

phoebe1989seb

I feel your pain, OP - 28 months ago we bought a repossession that on the face of it wasn't in too bad a condition (ie,  not deliberately wrecked by the previous owners) but did need a full renovation/sympathetic restoration as it's a very old building. We were moving to a different part of the UK far from family and the remaining three of our parents had recently died 

Being a rural cottage one of the first things we had to deal with - in mid February - was no water. None whatsoever. Previously the cottage had been supplied from a well on a farmer's land but this had been stopped and the previous owners of our new home had been going to install a borehole.

It was April before we were able to do this so spent several weeks flushing the loo with bottled water  Our worldly goods were in storage except for a mattress, tv and small sofa plus microwave etc. The lack of creature comforts and all our familiar *stuff* was hideous - not helped by having spent the previous fifteen years doing back-to-back DIY renovation projects, most fairly major. I felt terribly depressed and that we'd made a mistake.

It's easy to say, but instead of letting my obsession rule my life I cracked on, helping DH where possible with making the place ours - we painted a bedroom and used it as a living room (downstairs we were doing major building/reconfiguration plus rewire, new boiler etc), then, as the weather improved we got on with making a small walled courtyard that sits next to the property into a welcoming, pretty space to sit outside after a hard day's DIY.

The main (half acre) garden was put on hold but as soon as we'd finished the courtyard I began transforming the larger garden from barren wasteground by adding colourful planting and seating areas.

Our newly relocated kitchen took about 18 months to finish, but simultaneously we worked on a small 'snug', so once we'd moved downstairs and repatriated our furniture from storage we had a living room that felt like our own.

That was the real turning point for me - when - despite its obvious faults - I began to love the place  We'd been here six months by that point.

Twenty-eight months on from moving in we are still surrounded by boxes and building work upstairs, but the garden is looking mature (at least in the areas we've tackled!) and the house feels like home.

I actually found that submersing myself in a mini project helped me - instead of being overwhelmed by the bigger picture I concentrated on smaller, more manageable projects.....

With the benefit of hindsight I think we sold our last place (much larger and to my eternal shame, the only home we've ever walked away from unfinished) on the rebound of the deaths of our parents and it was too soon. Like the pandemic now, it was a strange time for us......but eventually it has worked out well.

This might be the case for you, too, OP - but perhaps taking a break from the building/decorating now might be beneficial to your mental health. Who knows, you may see things differently if you take a step back? However, whatever you decide, don't do anything rash and please steer clear of those house buying companies!

babyblade41

I'm 18 months into my latest and absolutely last full renovation  (mid 50's) 

I would normally have had most things done by now but what with lock down and feeling very weary of it all.

I now have a house that is only half finished with no  room complete as certain jobs need to be done professionally , especially plastering, here we have a big shortage of gypsum products and will take a few weeks to catch up 

We have a maximum of 5 years here so making the best of what we have and doing a basic renovation this time so we don't spend silly amounts but also make it home as well.

You'd be surprised how the time flies once you start on doing jobs and tbh it would be very silly going down the  "we buy any house.com" you won't get 80 percent so don't be fooled 

I would possibly say to the OH that you will give it another 12 months with maybe a GP appointment as well and agree if after everything you still feel the same then sell then.

Life has been pretty awful this year and I think most of us are feeling low and motivation out of the window 

ciderboy2009

OP - have you considered the fact that it might not actually be the house that's the problem?

In the last few months we've all gone through a hell of a lot of changes.  Moving house is bad enough - having the stress of lockdown on top of that is going to make the normal stress of a house move a lot worse.

Is it possible that you're "blaming" the stress on the house?

Scottish_guy90

Thought I’d post an update for everyone since you have been helpful and supportive.

I had a chat with my Doctor and he said it’s depression and gave me some advice and will start medication tomorrow, I feel a little more positive today after reading your comments and hopeful that this works.

I have put the new kitchen, boiler, door and moving the upstairs radiators (downstairs replaced last week) until I feel better and can make a better decision on what we want to do going forward. Plasterer is still booked and it’s a necessity due to the holes left by the re-wire and horrible old wallpaper that’s hanging off the walls.

My wife has been great and after looking at new builds last night, comparing costs, council tax and communal fees that would give me a different type of anxiety. 

gwynlas

Congratulations on seeing your GP and accepting treatment. Some antidepressants take time to build up to therapeutic levels in your body so it might take a while but improvement will come. My professional life was in this area, Do go back to the GP who can change treatment if necessary having giving it a fair trial.
In the meantime plan what you would like to tackle next on the house. You sound as though you have an aptitude for the work and took on a renovation project that your wife agreed was the right thing to do, and you can still see some good points yourself.
Do not put yourself under more pressure with artificial deadlines such as Christmas, a home is generally a work in progress.
Everything you complete will add value and if you chose to sell in the future your profit will give you more choices going forward.
A newly built house of your own design and budget could be a dream home but developers new builds are generally stop gaps built to a budget to maximise their profits. I have bought and lived in several in the past but was always in a position where I could influence the specification

Mickygg

In my last house, after getting the keys and looking round I had that oh no what have I done moment. Many sleepless nights followed. I was desperate to move out of my previous property and I overlooked many things and I was awake for nights on end worrying and beating myself up.

I actually never really liked the house until the day I moved. I grew to accept it. Several things that bugged me couldn't be changed. I ended up moving again but stayed there 3 years until I could save up the moving costs again.

I share your pain and hope it's your current mindset (which with some help should get better in time) rather than the house. I wasnt depressed I just hated the house. If I could have sold within weeks I would have. But I hung on in there and accepted that I would be living there for just a few years and then move on. And that's exactly what I did.

Give it time, please don't rush into a sale. Even if you still hate the house in a few months, just treat it as a place to stay until you are able to find your real home.