It's time to begin.....

stymied

£23 cheese belongs in the ‘treats’ budget, not groceries budget.

Getting very excited for you!!!

WinterWarrior

Absolutely do not buy the cheese 🤣 just say they didn’t have any, if that’s easier, and buy what you want. 

Kakiste

The argument was over me refusing to buy the cheese. (Couldn't say there was none as it's off a website not in a shop) 

@stymied that was exactly the point I made. If I bought a £20 bottle of gin and then said "only £10 left to spend on food this week!" That wouldn't wash (reasonably so!) So it's not fair it doesn't wash the other way. He basically wants my entire wage spent on either bills, things for him or 'paying him back'

Sarahwithlove

The houses all sound good. Only thing I would say about renting from a friend is make sure you have a contract drawn up so you are both aware of your responsibilities. Sadly seen too many situations like this cause friendships to be pulled apart. Usually around something needing doing on the property.

GeorgianaCavendish

Ugh, what a stupid demand that is! It's such a transparent attempt to exert control over your money (and therefore freedom) by reframing this completely outlandish "want" as something that is reasonable and in fact justified as something that you should provide.  

A few years ago, my uncle (who I think I've mentioned before) told my aunt and cousin, with a completely straight face, that he "deserved" a £20K gold watch for his birthday and that this would be fair as "he never gets what he wants". This is a man who has been financially abusing his family for decades and who knows that the family's financial circumstances are really precarious. And yet he "deserves" a stupidly expensive watch and that is somehow my aunt's responsibility to provide. (I wish there was an eye roll emoji!) It is just a way of testing the boundaries, and also attempting to paint themselves as victims of their mean families withholding luxury cheese and gold watches!

(Also, this is beside the point and there is no point arguing logically with them ... but how are his protein needs only uniquely met by this ridiculous cheese and not by say, a tin of tuna or chickpeas which would be less than £1?)  

GeorgianaCavendish

I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope that you get to the funeral with no issues, and are able to say goodbye to your uncle in the way you would like with the support of people who DO care enough. 

It sucks that your husband is making this all about him as well, and that if he's not going to be supportive he could at least be neutral and not make things harder for you. 

Humdinger1

@Kakiste not telling you how to live your life, znd you know this already- but the sooner you are out of there, the better.  It's good that his family supports you as no doubt a woe-is-me campaign will be under way in record time.  No doubt you have an excellent plan for managing the logistics.  Love Humdinger xx 

Kakiste

@GeorgianaCavendish His argument (in brief as it was a rant over hours of time) was that he needs variety in his diet and can't eat the same meal over and over again (I hadn't suggested that) and he "needs" this specific cheese so he can vary up what his main meal is. I had recently bought the lowest fat cheese that supermarkets sell (where he could have 30g of it for 80Kcal) but this wasn't good enough. 

The issue is that despite dropping a massive amount of weight he's not really changing his mindset. Rather than taking the approach that now he's at target weight he should maintain a healthy nutritiously balanced diet where he eats a decent, filling and healthy main meal and that will maintain his weight; he still is eating to extremes; but now with 0 calorie or very low calorie foodstuffs- so he's still eating a tonne of food but has replaced normal food with ultra-low fat and very expensive alternatives. 

(to give an example- the other day I ate around 1200 calories split between 200 for breakfast (porridge and yoghurt) 300 for lunch (soup and fruit)  600 for dinner (chicken fajitas) and then an evening snack of a bag of skips (80 cal) I'm eating a deficit of calories but at no point in the day did I feel starving or binge on food. On the same day he ate 1800 kcal but had a protein shake (100 cal) for lunch and then binge ate 3 main meals one after another for dinner (whilst having a go at me about the cheese) where he didn't even wait until for 10 minutes between finishing eating one dinner before he started making the next, then ate an entire tub of low calorie ice cream and then repeatedly complained we didn't have any small chocolates so he could have a 'treat' at the end of the day. 

He's also got hugely into weightlifting and now is also expecting protein powder to be bought as part of food shopping because "it's a foodstuff" (see previous comment about the gin) 

Kakiste

@Humdinger1 Thanks for the support- don't worry I'm out of here as soon as I can sort it. 

@Sarahwithlove Good advice- I had realised this already so I've downloaded my current rental contract and making it more specific to cover cats/rental timeframe etc. 

Sarahwithlove

Kakiste said:

@Humdinger1 Thanks for the support- don't worry I'm out of here as soon as I can sort it. 

@Sarahwithlove Good advice- I had realised this already so I've downloaded my current rental contract and making it more specific to cover cats/rental timeframe etc. 

Brilliant hopefully it will go smoothly for you but unfortunately you never know so you both need to have clear guide in place for scenarios. I.e notice period, repairs etc Hope one of the houses works out for you though and you can finally get your freedom