It's time to begin.....

Kakiste

Thanks- she's in today so I'm going to ask her at lunch about the Wednesday viewings.

badmemory

He's not taking sterioids is he?

greensalad

Definitely important to get the rental drawn up properly and not just go on a friendly basis. Make sure they get things like the gas certificate done and have a plan for repairs. It's no bad thing, let them know it's because you want it to all be above board and save any hassle down the line. Make sure they protect your deposit too.

Kakiste

badmemory said:

He's not taking sterioids is he?

No he's not. That was my initial first thought when he got into the weightlifting so I've been keeping an eye out for signs of steroid use. (plus he's very scornful of people who use them- considers them to have cheated- which is a fair comment I guess.  

Kakiste

The viewing on the town based house has been cancelled as they've already let it. Shame but still gives me the choice of my friend's 2 houses. I'm going to see both of those at the end of next week as the previous tenant still has some stuff in there that they've got until mid next week to collect. 

However I've had the address and been google maps street view stalking the houses. They're absolutely beautiful from the outside. Also as I'm moving into the county where I work- the council tax is lower. The 2 bedroom house is band B and the 3 bedroom one with garden is band D- and with the 25% off for single occupancy even the Band D house would be £56 a month cheaper than my current house- the Band B one would be £92 a month cheaper)- either of which would cover the shortfall in my increased petrol costs.

stymied

Woohoo! I hope you can get the garden.

Random thought, have you compiled a list of the amounts owing from him to you should he try to pursue 'you owe me xxx' in some way or other once you're free?

GeorgianaCavendish

Wow, it sounds like he should go to therapy to address the binge eating disorder rather than argue about whether the expensive cheese and protein powder belong on the grocery budget. 

It seems like this is a control game, classifying certain things as "food" which are therefore your problem to budget for? How would he react to the idea of two budgets - one for family food and one for "fitness food" (which he can finance himself!) ... Trying to force you to budget to accommodate him to the tune of 3 dinners per day is so unreasonable, before even getting into the protein powder (which has doubled in price since pre-pandemic).
If I decided that my wellbeing goals called for me to have eggs royale and champagne for breakfast every day and I took that out of the main grocery budget it would be beyond unfair on everyone else who lives here! And at the very least, would call for a proper grown up budget discussion about how to accommodate it. Doesn't he think it is unfair for him to be eating so much of the food that is meant for you and your daughter? 
Also agree with the point about making a list of your expenditure - he claims that you "owe" him money but actually it sounds like you covered an awful lot of expenses by yourself, so that would surely offset this money he feels he is owed. 

The two possible houses sound really lovely, fingers crossed that one of them is right for you and that everything works out well with your colleague  

CRANKY40

Fingers crossed for one of the houses and he's still one of those things that you use to open a door (the one that isn't a handle). 

Mrs_Money_Penny

So looking forward to you getting your own place. You can start enjoying life. Cheering you on all the way xx

Kakiste

@GeorgianaCavendish It's somewhat of a Schrodinger's grocery budget at the moment (simultaneously needing to cover all of the things he reckons he needs, and general family food, whilst also not costing more than £30 a week.) 

This behaviour is incredibly familiar- it's one of the reasons I got so deep into debt when I was on maternity leave. He used to ask for something (specific food/a takeaway) and then go on and on about it until I just bought it. If I ever tried to explain I didn't have the money and hold out on buying it, we'd end up having a really nasty argument the end result of which I'd be sat sobbing, and then a few hours later he'd resume asking for it- eventually (whilst also surviving on tiny amounts of sleep (usually around 2-3 hours a night) I'd just give in because it wasn't worth having the the argument when the end result was always me giving in. 

If I could do it again I'd plant my heels and abjectly refuse to budge on the matter- but hindsight is 20/20. 

It's what I'm doing at the moment- I'm buying all the food shopping at the weekend- whilst keeping all the receipts so I can refer to them when he refuses to believe how much I've spent or how frequently I've bought something and then refusing to replace it despite comments and sulking until the following week. Last night it was pickles (he's eating 2 entire jars since Sunday) In the end I said that I'm not buying more than 2 jars a week, neither me nor daughter have eaten any and if he can't pace himself and make something last then he can either buy extra himself or wait until the next week's foodshop. He tried to then say that he'd eat something else but he's out of a bunch of other things (3 days after I did the 7 day foodshop and I hadn't replaced them either- I responded that I'd bought enough to last a week (in some cases I'd bought enough for 1 a day) and if he's eaten all the snacks/puddings after 3 days when neither me nor my daughter have touched them then he's only got himself to blame.  

He then tried to go down the path of  ("well maybe I should just buy all my own shopping and you can pay half the rent- but then we're basically already divorced because we would be living like housemates") and I responded "actually yes that sounds like a good split of the budgets. But if we were halving all bills then we'd be halving everything- not just me giving you £350 towards rent each month- you'd also be giving me £102 towards council tax, £125 towards gas/electric etc" subject was immediately dropped by him.