It's time to begin.....

stymied

Well done @Kakiste! You deserve every happiness x

maryb

If he asks tell him it's a good thing to have ID with his address on and you need several different ones so that at least one of them will be recent

Kakiste

@maryb To be fair- he started a new job in September and had a bit of a melt down at me in late July because of the lack of bills he was on-  Due to him losing his passport and having his wallet stolen a few months ago (and not bothering to replace the stolen driving license) he had neither driving license nor passport to show his new job as proof of address- so I've been prefacing every phonecall (when I have to ring up another company) with "just going to get you added to the X bill today so we've got plenty of evidence of your address for next time you need it" 

So there's no issue with that. 

Kakiste

So I have £206 in credit with my energy company which makes me feel slightly better about the current energy bill crisis. We've not yet turned the heating on (well turned it on for 30 minutes in early September to check all radiators were working well) but I've bought a paraffin heater for the front room so that for the coming 2 months where it is chilly but not Baltic levels of cold, then we can heat the living room with that rather than shivering. (Put fluffy throws on all the beds as well- both cats are thrilled about this!) 

Had the next appointment for my wrists today- bit rubbish. After another round of nerve testing and reflex tests- they've concluded that the problem isn't with my nerves- they're all working normally. The issue seems to be cartilage- the Dr reckons I've damaged it enough that it presses on either muscles or nerves which causes the aching and the dropping things but there is nothing that can be done about that. (He helpfully suggested I try taking pain killers when it's painful....... ((I manged to bite back a sarcastic response as it wouldn't have been helpful)) But I'm a bit saddened by that- I was hoping after nearly 2 yeas of diagnostic appointments the final answer would be that they could fix my wrists, not just "have you tried taking paracetamol?" Such is life I guess.  

Kakiste

2 paychecks post being debt free- I've also continued on with my £25 a month for "personal wants" as it's worked so well to keep me in check for the past few years. I've introduced a small clothes budget of £40 a month to cover both my daughter and I so am no longer having to buy replacement shoes etc out of my £25. So this month I've bought myself a new (to me) Trespass waterproof winter coat on Vinted for £8 to replace my knackered one and a new pair of £12 trainers to replace my battered gym trainers. Daughter needed a new pack of tights (£4) after ripping 2 pairs last week at school but hasn't needed anything else so there's still £16 in that pot- but I'm not going to spend for the sake of it- neither of us need anything else atm and if it reaches the end of the month unspent I'll let it roll over. 

So out of my £25 'wants pot' this month I've so far spent £14 on a hardback book- it's Naomi Novik's new book- the last in the trilogy for the Scholomance series- Harry Potter but for adults. It was released last Tuesday but would have cost me £4 to have it delivered last week or it was free if I waited until this week- so I waited. It arrived this morning just as I was leaving for my hospital appointment. 

Final update on other news; husband went on a massive health kick at the beginning of summer- (one of the reasons we were cycling everywhere) and has lost a massive amount of weight. It's great for him as he clearly feels loads better, better for me because he now wants to go to the gym with his friend 4 times a week in the evening which gets him out the house more and also it's the main topic of conversation he wants to discuss (though boring, at least it's not something I'm biting my tongue through as many of the other main topics of conversation have been hugely contentious to say the least.)

And also- (though sneaky on my part) he's now informing me about all the attention he's getting off women at the gym and in his new work- best case scenario he finds someone new and leaves me; jumping sideways into a new relationship- making me the 'aggrieved party' rather than the alternative scenario where I imagine he'll try and find ways of punishing me when I leave. I can't remember who said it about reverse psychology and narcissists few months back but I'm dropping a few "I don't know what I'd do if you left me!/How would I cope without you?!" type responses to being told about the attention from other women- he makes snidely joking comments in response to that. Maybe it'll plant a seed, who knows?

Since the 1st I've been keeping an eye on rental sites for the area but there's sod all at the moment- there's hundreds of student lettings, lots of over 55s and ONE property in my price range; which is a nice looking flat in a terrible area (someone got stabbed on the corner of that road at the weekend and there's a big drugs problem with that area in general so I'm not going to take that one any further) It's early days though, Even if I found a property tomorrow, applied and then got it, I've only /just/ got enough for the deposit and 1st months rent- so got plenty of time to look for a good property whilst I build up savings. 

CRANKY40

My sister's seriously toxic ex husband found a new girlfriend and left to live with her (many years ago). My sister couldn't believe her luck. Right up to the moment he left we were dreading him changing his mind. Best laugh from it all was when my niece came home to say the new girlfriend had a watch the same as my sisters and said that she'd told the girlfriend that "Mummy got one just the same as that from daddy for Christmas" - my sister had already found the receipt so she knew but the girlfriend didn't. 

Ex is still so toxic that when my niece (now grown up) had a baby she named the baby after my sister's second husband, her step dad rather than her own father. 

ladyholly

Kakiste if you are not aware paraffin heaters create moisture Unless vented) so make sure you air your room after use. The statistic I have seen is one gallon of water per gallon of parffin but I dont know if this is correct.

badmemory

The damage toxic exs can cause never ceases.  My son was so worried about turning out like him that in a conversation at about 20 he said he was never going to be in a relationship & never going to marry just in case he turned out like his father & grandfather. 

Kakiste

thanks @ladyholly I'm making sure the room is aired well afterwards. 

enthusiasticsaver

Just caught up on your diary and great that you are now debt free.  Now on to freedom from the toxic DH.  As you say the best scenario is he leaves and no upheaval for you and your DD.