It's time to begin.....

[Deleted User]

Well done. This is fantastic progress. 

Kakiste

@greensalad Next is an EF- I'm going to wait until I hit 1 month rent + deposit and then start looking for a rental to move out as it's just like living with a mood hoover where I can't say/do/think the wrong thing and then whilst I'm looking (as I'm aware that not every rental will accept cats/may check credit history so it may take a while to get somewhere that is suitable for me that also wants to rent to me) Whilst I'm waiting, I'm going to be quietly building up an emergency fund as well as that. (But as of 1st August I will have £500 extra a month to put aside from the DMP/car finance payments so I can maintain all my current levels of spending whilst saving £500 a month that won't be noticed. 

It's my staff annual night out tomorrow evening (the one where he locked me out when I went last year) and he's already in a mood that I'm going "because I'm probably going to cheat on him" *le sigh* 

jokono

Kakiste said:

I had a great evening. :smiley Had a lovely time and other than £7 taxi didn't spend any money. Work bar tab covered 7 drinks and then i was bought 3 shots by friends on the education,  care and admin teams. Sat and chatted, drank, sang karaoke and danced for 5 hours.

Got home 45 mins ago to discover husband had locked me out (clearly was deliberate as he never locks doors ever and I arrived home exactly when I said I would) hillariously he's an open book when it comes to crappy moods and so I took a spare key to the never used conservatory doors out with me, let myself in that way. What a !!!!!!. 

I had to dig this up, I forgot how it ended. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid tomorrow 🤞

[Deleted User]

My husband was like yours. He used to lock me out of the house if I went out. He'd go through my phone and accuse me of all sorts of things. 
Very moody in order to manipulate situations in the house. I would be over the top friendly with him if we had an event coming up, just so he would come with me and not show me up. You remind me of me in 2019. 

Best advice is to get that fund and go. It's really hard work but I can't tell you how at peace I am now. Willing you on from the sidelines x

Kakiste

@[Deleted User] Yep- that's the plan. I'm already looking forward to how peaceful and calm my life is going to be.

It just infuriates me because literally the two times I been out without him in a year(!) was the same work do last July and then my friend's hen do in February; and he created and sulked about both of them and was in a stinking mood about it both times. He says it's because I've proven myself to be untrustworthy and fully capable of lying and deception because of the debt, so I'm apparently equally likely to be cheating on him because it's apparently the same behaviour. But he also wrecks anything I do socially even if it's not with men/involving drinking- pre-covid I went to an outdoor cinema thing with a female friend (the mutual friend of ours from round the corner- no alcohol, just me and her and he printed the tickets off for me so he knew where I was going- but he spent the evening whilst I was out looking through his old credit card statements (from 2017-2018) and then called me, mid-film to yell at me about 'how could I betray him like that?!' I answered the phone (because obviously he knew where I was and what I was doing so I assumed calling me in the middle of the film would be an emergency- and I thought maybe my daughter was ill) but it was just him, trying to wreck my evening. 

Even when we go out together I have to manage it so carefully (whilst also making it look like I'm not managing him otherwise that creates a mood in itself- because "I think he needs to be 'handled' like a stroppy child" ) and even if he can blatantly see where I am and what I'm doing, he'll be in a mood because I didn't talk to him enough/pay him enough attention/show him enough affection/didn't seem interested in what he was doing ((yes I know, huge motherfreaking narcissist)) So it's not me at all, it's just him. 

Anyhow, He's clearly once again angling for me to say "it's Ok- I'm not going to go out because I see how I spoiled it and ruined our trust by my actions. I'll never leave the house without you again" But I'm still going. And he can sulk all he likes.     

[Deleted User]

Just go and have a good time. I used to go to church and I attended the meetings of the council in the evening. I used to have to send him a picture of inside the church with my hand in it, with the time showing on my watch to prove where I was. Very abusive behaviour. You'll never find peace living like that. 

CRANKY40

He is such a loon. I hope that you have a lovely time tomorrow and remember to take the back door key. 

Mrs_Money_Penny

You enjoy your evening and take a key. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. It’s not healthy. xx

Kakiste

Tomorrow I'm taking the back door key (usually left in the back door at all times) and just in case he goes and finds our spare back door key (I'm the organised one and I literally have no idea where it is so he'd have to hunt for it) I'm going to take the conservatory door one as well. 

Just think- if all goes to plan then next year I can just...... 'go out' without any of this ridiculous prep. 

Aimingforthegoodlife

Oh Kakiste, this just sounds so awful, I have everything crossed for next year and freedom and feelings of joy and excitement not crowded with a narcissitic cloud! Have a wonderful time, take all the keys you can find and feel smug when you can just get in the house