Money Moral Dilemma: Should I accept payment for doing my vulnerable neighbours' shopping?

Bonnypitlad

I have a wonderful volunteer who delivers my victuals weekly, She has been laid off yet spends money on petrol to deliver to me and others. I pay her by bank transfer and added £10 to the receipt cost, She keeps saying “You shouldn’t” but as I transfer it into her account She can’t stop me!
I have suggested that if She really doesn’t want the gratuity to use it to help a “ client” who may be in financial difficulty.....or donate it to a Donkey Sanctuary 

VALM

Gonna-be-debt-free said:

“Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving.... Accepting another person's gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”

If you have already had the discussion with them about not wanting payment, but they have insisted, then accept gracefully.  They probably believe they are doing something nice for you in gratitude for your help.

My sentiments exactly. Let them thank you the way they want to.

LxC

When I saw the title, I was going to say definitely not. However as it is only a small gesture amount and is relevant to them as something they would have paid anyway, then I guess this is their way of saying thanks. I would accept, as you don’t want them to feel like they owe you. 

And then, if you feel bad about the money, you can always give it to charity or buy them some flowers etc with it afterwards when this is all over. 

bananapilot69

When I came home late one night I saw my neighbour who had locked his keys in his car. I offered to and drove him 5 miles to go and get his spare key from his parents house. He tried to give me £5 for my time/petrol. I politely refused. I said that if I accepted his payment then if I ever needed a small favour from him I’d feel obligated to pay him. 

A_Frayed_Knot

I'd say No, what are neighbours for ??? if not to help in time of need.  There may come a time when you need them or need your neighbours to go shopping for you.  Just say to them that you were going anyway, and doesn't take long to pick up a few extras while you are there.

On the other hand, if they insisted, I would accept, then listen to conversation to hear what they may need - household, personal or garden wise, then just buy them that with the money, that way they are getting it back, a small bunch of flowers would brighten anyone's day.

Katieconker

Your neighbours are obviously very grateful that you are shopping for them and feel they want to do something for you in return.   Accept their offer.  It probably helps them to feel they can ask for help if they are returning something to you

Biscuit49

If it was me I would probably say something like 'i'll have a beer on you', and put a £2.00 bottle of beer in or something like that. Its still a gesture and one that both parties may appreciate.

Its nice that all parties are in appreciation of the other so any sort of gesture is welcome in my opinion.

getting_brighter

How lovely that you are doing this for them, I’ve been in a position of needing help over a long period and it’s lovely when people do small favours for you But, you can feel redundant, like a sponger, not an equal etc etc, if it’s a continued habit.  When you are able to give back too, or at least pay some of your way  it makes you feel like you are still a part of society and is good for your self esteem and you feel useful. I would say in this situation - don’t take that pleasure away from them-  as also like another poster said they may feel they can’t keep asking as it feels wrong for them to take. Tell them that you bought some flowers for your home with the cash ant that it made you smile every time you see them ( or something similar) bet that will make their day to think they’ve done that for you!  - Allow  them the gift of being a giver too! 

Eileenpamela

I can understand your reluctance to accept the money offered, but as said by many, it can be as gracious to receive as to give. BUT although vulnerable, you haven’t said if they are struggling financially. Not all vulnerable people are poor, they are unable to shop for themselves. There are a lot of “shielded” people who are getting free food parcels weekly. This is great, but should they be “free” when, as said, being vulnerable does not mean you are poor. Free food should be for those who cannot afford food. However,  means-testing may be more expensive to operate that carte-blanche free food. Free delivery for all the vulnerable without question. That doesn’t help your situation and even poorer vulnerable people have generous hearts and feel so much pleasure from giving. 

Well done for giving your time and consideration for others. The best of a lot of people is being brought out in these unprecedented times.

anotheruser

Gonna-be-debt-free said:

“Gracious acceptance is an art - an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving.... Accepting another person's gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”

If you have already had the discussion with them about not wanting payment, but they have insisted, then accept gracefully.  They probably believe they are doing something nice for you in gratitude for your help.

This is more or less what I was going to write so quoting it again.


I find it strange people accept drinks from friends in the pub or other favours but seem to struggle with things like shopping for the vulnerable.
Is it because you think you're taking advantage?
Or it is because the person in the pub is doing their duty but the vulnerable person is purely giving a gift?