Money Moral Dilemma: Should I charge my son for living at home after returning from uni early?

yorkie22

There is no reason why you shouldn't suggest to your son that he  contributes to the food bill. He is'nt paying out for the usual bills he pays and it isn't like he is staying with you for a few days. We know it isn't his fault as to why he has to stay with you but he should pay something while there. We learn children nothing by letting things like this happen, in fact I am surprised that he hasn't offered you anything in the first place. He won't have given it ant thought, you can bet.  

pbakercassidy

Firstly : Can you afford to keep him with NO contribution from him? Can he afford to make a contribution? Does he want to be "infantilised" or does he want to be seen as an adult within the household, sharing some of the decisions - what & when to eat, sharing facilities like washing machine? If he can't afford a small £ contribution, he could offer fixed hours of helpful work - decorating, gardening etc - not when he feels like it, but 10 hours a week of something worthwhile, that he can be proud ogf having contributed to communal well-being. And encourage him to continue academic work - on-line access to libraries/ tutors etc. so he treats his studies as real work too.

Sweeti1

Certainly not, he’s not home through choice.  If he normally has a part time job at uni like many students, he’ll currently not be earning from that either.  Everyone is struggling currently and finding things difficult 

Fanlite

No way, unless it's absolutely necessary to your finances. Be pleased that your son is home and safe

harveydouble

I would have an honest discussion with them about how as an adult they would like to make some contribution to the household. This could be a small payment for bills, helping with the house work, looking after younger siblings or cooking a meal for the whole household once a week. Having been away at Uni, they will have enjoyed the freedoms and responsibilites of being independent, being at home can be difficult for both parties as they may feel they are being treated as a dependent and not a grown-up'. By giving them choices about how they would like to be treated it will help you both adapt to the changes in your relationship and may help if you need to have further conversations about what you both expect to happen during his time at home.

emmrecs02

I think a "nominal" sum, say between £5 and £10 per week, is perfectly reasonable.  It is, almost certainly, less than a student would be paying for food each week if at uni.

thedr

You don't say whether or not you're struggling financially.
Scenario 1
If you can comfortably afford it then why are you being so mean at a time when everyone should be pulling together? Stop being so petty.
Scenario 2
If you are struggling financially then a small contribution for food might be appropriate until whenever the student loan period ends (end of June?)

Bigtee999

Hi. Of course you should require him to make a contribution assuming of course he has some money. Our adult progeny do not have a god given right to a free ride for the rest of our days, everyone as a responsibility to pay their way or at least contribute within their means. Why should any adult expect to live at the expense and detriment of another? Life is not easy and the sooner a "child" learns that lesson the better adult they will be. The moral dilemma is not yours in my mind its your child's, he should have made the offer to contribute. I would temper my comments by saying that supporting our children in a time of need or in furtherance of bettering themselves is a different matter. 

tgroom57

I found the main expenses were food and laundry, and heating in the cold months.  I had my daughters buy their own food, but another way if you share meals is for him to buy the ingredients for 2 or 3 family meals a week, plus his breakfasts.  Actually buy, as in take a shopping trip, rather than just hand over the money.  Shopping for essentials is a vital skill, and an opportunity to take a bunch of flowers back for mum.  It's more complicated if he's taken a student loan - maybe the money he saves now (if he actually saves it !) will mean he needs less next year?  I'm presuming he pays for his own phone.

SkyMonkey92

If he is capable of renting a room otherwise, if they are an adult and earning money, of course! 

I think not doing encourages them to take advantage. It doesn't need to be a full average rent for a room or similar, but at least a contribution towards the bills etc. especially if you are feeding him too!