Advice Wanted........please

dee2005

The thing is aliasojo, is that we say things in our own way. How others interpret them is a matter for them to decide. I only say things as I see them. I do think that people should see that things happen for a reason, as nature intends. People think that things should happen automatically. They do not take Mother Nature into consideration.

aliasojo

dee2005 wrote:

The thing is aliasojo, is that we say things in our own way.

Yes dee......we do.

dee2005

How about hearing your personal story relating to this thread, alisojo ?

aliasojo

What a strange question to ask dee. What makes you think I have a personal story that relates to this thread?

The title caught my eye when it popped up in the 'new posts' section that I was browsing. I decided to have a quick look and was prompted to reply by your post as I agreed with another poster that it sounded a bit harsh. The OP was obviously at a low ebb judging by their posts and although you have a point with what you say, it's been overtaken by the 'stop feeling so sorry for yourself' comment which, like it or not, sounds harsh to others reading it.

Many times people will post in such a way that their words can be harsh or abrupt, some don't realise, some don't care. I replied to your post in case you were in the former category and you were willing to take on board an outsider's opinion. As it is, it would appear that I have put your back up and we have ended up playing some sort of 'tit for tat' comment game.

My intention was not to offend you, it was merely to point out that everyone is different and handles things in different ways. Some people are stronger than others but we have no way of knowing what kind of people the posters on this site are. Sometimes (in this kind of thread) it's kinder to to err on the side of caution and word a post in a certain way to be sure it wont offend or upset.

Now that I have explained the reasons behind my posts, I don't intend to post again. We seem to have taken this thread over a little and our comments to each other obviously have little bearing on the op.

I don't think I have been unfair in my remarks, but please feel free to pm me if I have said anything which you wish to comment upon.

ceegee

shelly wrote:

Theres not a day goes by that I don't think about our baby.I We are trying again but sometimes I feel guilty....as if I'm trying to replace the baby we lost.I think about him/her everday and if someone asks me if we have children.....like in the poem I mentioned.....I tell them we have an angel.

This is the first time I've mentioned this in a public place....maybe it will do me good as well as being useful to someone else. My first beautiful daughter was stillborn. This was 19 years ago. My heart broke....it is scarred forever. I have a photograph of her which I can hardly bear to look at because of the pain this brings to me. It was the only time I ever saw my ex-husband cry. I hated all babies that I saw after that......I wanted them all to be gone.....why did those women have their babies when I couldn't have my beautiful daughter?

When I became pregnant again, about 7 months later......this is the hardest thing to admit....I hated the baby I was carrying, because she was not my beautiful stillborn daughter. I hated the baby until she was born, but when I saw her I cried because of the indescribably overwhelming love that I felt for her. It did not diminish the love that I felt for my first daughter....I was staggered at how much love there is in a human being.

I think the point I am trying to make is that you should not feel any guilt.....you are not trying to replace your darling lost baby....you will always love that baby.....you will just be having another baby to love as well. And you will find that there is more than enough love to go around. Even when I had my third baby daughter, I was still staggered about this bottomless pit of love that dwells inside me.

Time does not heal pain completely. A shattered heart can "mend", but I find the scars remain. The passage of time helps you to "deal with" these things in a way that enables you to get on with your everyday life.

All of this has been written from the heart with the benefit of 19 years hindsight. It is the first time that I have expressed my feelings to anyone outside my closest family and friends. I really, really hope that my story can help someone.

With love to anyone who is suffering or ever has suffered this sort of pain.

ceegee

quietheart

Ceegee, I have to commend you for how well you've expressed yourself, i hope I'll be able to swallow the lump in my throat some time later today.....
(((Hugs)))

shelly

Thanks very much ceegee for posting a reply to my post.I hope it has helped you too that you put your thought and feelings of a bad time into words.
I didn't realise how common miscarriage is until it happened to me.As far as I'm aware I'm the first female in our family to miscarry but my doctor said that most women will miscarry in their lifetime and never know they have.I know its natures way of dealing with things but when you have wanted something for as long as you can remember,and just as you get it its snatched away from you its pretty cruel.....

ceegee

It was this that made me realise that the most important thing in the world is to love each other. It saddens me to see the hatred that abounds in this world.

Sorry for going a bit off topic!