Advice Wanted........please

skylight

Many people have this type of sad event take place many times, but also go on to successfully have many children.

You have each other.

Lots of Big hugs to you both.
xxxxx

Savvy_Sue

I'd say, keep crying as long as you need to, it's very healing for both men and women. I am sure we store up trouble for ourselves when we try to 'be strong' and not admit that we feel terrible about such things.

When you're ready to look for support, The Miscarriage Association may be helpful.

Love and hugs to you both.

a.n.other_4

Thank you all for your kind words. They are very much appreciated.
We are talking and crying together which is good.

We did have a few days away shortly after my wife came out of hospital but it didn't quite go to plan.
When we arrived we found my wife had a nasty infection where the op had taken place, so we had to pop along to the local A+E, then four days later when we were due to come home I got Food Poisoning/Bug so wasn't fit enough to travel.

But a nice relaxing break sounds a great idea. Maybe in a few months

Jay-Jay_4

Blimey, that doesn't sound like quite the relaxing break you'd hoped for!

I hope that your wife is feeling a little stronger now and that you're both more feeling positive. These things are so painful and even though many people have gone through it, it's no consolation to you to hear other peoples stories but it's a way of saying that we know how you feel, not that it makes it any easier for you, but we understand.

If you 'do' want to hear a positive story well, I'm it. My Mum only had one tube and here I am

I hope the time flies for you until you concieve again.

Amanda2413

Firstly, my sympathies for what you are both going through. Although I cannot speak for the miscarriage, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in December 2003 resulting in the loss of a tube. It was my first pregnancy and it took a long time to recover so make sure you give yourselves time to do that. I too got an infection after the operation that left me with painful adhesions which acted as a daily reminder of the lost baby (as if I needed reminding). I can thoroughly recommend https://www.ectopic.org as a source of both information and support.

The last thing I wanted to hear after my operation was other peoples success stories as I felt very bitter, but if it helps, I am currently 35 weeks pregnant so there is hope for you too. I was terrified of trying again but there was no apparent reason for the ectopic so a second was no more likely. I think ectopics occur in about 1 in 100 pregnancies so the odds are against it. I did have a very early scan this time (6 weeks) to rule out a repeat though.

Hugs to you both. x

tullula_2

Bless you-lots of hugs for you and your wife:grouphug: Hope it all works out o.k. a.n.other.

Tam

Hi A.N. Other,

So sorry to hear about this awful time you are having. I had an ectopic pregnancy in 1997 at the age of 22 and lost a fallopian tube. I felt as though my world had collapsed especially as my less than sympathetic boss panicked that my husband and I were obviously trying to start a family and dismissed me stating that I was too intelligent to do it!

Suddenly everyone else was pregnant and babies were everywhere. I took it very personally and for some months I was a nightmare to be around. What helped though was to keep a diary of my feelings, people who hadn't suffered the same loss sympathised but I knew they were thinking 'here we go again' so I poured out all my thoughts in this diary and was able to plot my recovery- both mental and physical.

Anyway the upshot of this is now eight years later I have a beautiful six and a half year old girl and a gorgeous boy of four and a half - both conceived naturally with no fertility treatment. They are the apple of my eye and worth all the pain.

Take plenty of time to come to terms with what has happened and keep talking, you are one anothers greatest strength, but take heart I am sure you and your wife will go on to have a lovely family of your own.

Please feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more. I'm thinking of you both.

Tam

Sorry, just read that back, obviously that should have read that my boss tried to make out that he thought I was too smart to do my job (receptionist), not that I was too smart to start a family doh!

Tam

Sorry again, I'm at work and typed that up too quickly so it doesn't make a lot of sense. Basically I wrote my feelings down as I thought I was burdening my friends (wrongly).

shelly

Hugs to you a.n.other and your wife.I really feel for you both right now,Iv'e only just seen this thread else I would have posted sooner.
I can't offer much advice but I will say that you have to talk about it and give vent to your feelings....cry if you need to....scream if you need to....I did and it helped me no end.


I suffered a miscarriage last august very early on and thought I was pretty much over it.Until I just looked at the Miscarriage Association website.The poem entitled "Don't ask me that question" really summed up my feelings even though I didn't experience everything thats wrote in the poem...e.g movement...seeing a heart beat as I lost my baby quite early.Theres not a day goes by that I don't think about our baby.I found it helpful to talk about the miscarriage from day one and thankfully all my friends and family have been supportive and have just let me get it off my chest whether I'm ranting about the injustice of it or just crying for our loss.My hubby has been a rock throughout it all.I think sometimes people forget that the husband has lost something too.We are trying again but sometimes I feel guilty....as if I'm trying to replace the baby we lost.I think about him/her everday and if someone asks me if we have children.....like in the poem I mentioned.....I tell them we have an angel.

Hope all goes well for you both in the future......shelly