SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

slm6002

I did however get a yes on my AIP yesterday after they declined it at the beginning of the week.  Now to find my our family home for me and the kids and hope this house sells!

HelloB

@slm6002 Woohoo! Congratulations on the AIP. And while I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and your ex, from what you're saying you're better off now with being able to prioritise things appropriately. And ultimately giving your children and safe and happy home, wherever it may be.

What a wonderful way to spend this weekend. Searching for houses to buy. 

In fact, this thread has elevated from ladies wanting nice handbag and shoes to "Let's go and collect a house". 

@Hazelnutty You're doing a good job at giving your daughter the security of love and belonging that she needs. Hopefully your ex and new partner will buckle up their ideas soon, before your daughter's mind is set.

Queen_of_the_Hive

Thanks ladies I really do appreciate the support of our little community. The decree came this week and feeling ok, sometimes a bit wobbly but generally ok. 

Can I ask has any of you changed careers post kids? I'm more than likely going to have to change what I did because the jobs have become few and far between and long commutes (2hrs either way) and part time doesn't really exist. I'm starting from the bottom in another field (just studying atm) and I have many days of wobbles of is this the right thing to do etc. I'd love to buy the home I want but its just so far out of my reach its not going to happen any time soon. What I am doing is buying an investment property which is affordable without a mortgage to give me a starting point to step stone to something better later on. So in a few months I can join in with looking at carpets, paint samples etc but a bit different as I'm going to get a tenant. Its in an area which should rent well (been following it for a long time) and have family living in the area so may live in it in the future. It isn't my ideal property though, a bit boring but got to put my thoughts on this to one side and focus on the positives. 

Hazelnutty

Sorry to hear that @slm6002 I didn't see this coming I have to admit. His own dad was away months at a time when he was young and he was insistent he would never be an absentee dad. He isn't, of course, but the distance between them seems to be growing even as the physical distance has narrowed.

slm6002

Sorry to hear about your XH hazelnutty.  Sounds very similar to mine - Very absent dad growing up and promised never to be like him, but has overnight almost turned into the exact copy.  I was confused when i first read your message as to if i knew you or not and if you were indeed talking about my OH, but then figured probably not, but please let me know if you do lol

Hazelnutty

Lol @slm6002 I don't think I know you but good to chat to someone with similar experiences

Sistergold

@Hazelnutty
It baffles me how man can be so naive in what they listen to from their new partners! The good thing is you don’t have to do anything for an incompetent father to start digging his own grave with regards to their relationship with their children. 

It was a struggle for me to explain this misconception that he is doing me a favour when he has the children I had to make it clear that it could easily be the other way round with him having the children and me picking and choosing when I will see them. I was asking him to tell me in advance when he can take them so that I can also plan my social life he wanted to be able to tell me a few days to the time that he wants to pick them up? Beats me how men think! This went on for a while and even now he is yet to get the hang of it! The lucky thing is I had a live in childminder so I could really be out when I chose to but still I needed to plan in advance. Now I don’t have the childminder and I just say no if he asks for the children without enough notice. Co parenting can be a pain but I just put up with it for the sake of the children! 

You are so right when the divorce is finalised it does still feel a bit sad despite the fact that you would be waiting for it! 

Sistergold

@slm6002
Talk about misplaced priorities and it will look like it’s your fault if the children start opting not to go to his house? 

Sistergold

@slm6002
Wow this is great news concerning the AIP! Now house hunting?! 

Sistergold

@clarissa62
Congratulations that the decree has come through! 🎉 this is a big part of moving on for sure! The healing can really begin and you can now come to terms with the joys and wonders of being legally free! It’s not a bad world really this single life! 

I can not say I changed careers post children but from what you are saying it sounds like you are doing the right thing ie retraining. Also the choice has been made for you in that the jobs are now not as forthcoming and far apart and long commutes so best forge ahead before it stops altogether! Once done I think it will be very refreshing and a fresh start! Post children you will be more focused I think. The world is now such that one just has adapt.