SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

Sistergold

Hello all
SLLM - single ladies with large mortgages or single ladies who have previously had large mortgages or single laddies in the process of getting a large mortgage!  So if you are a lady and own your own house then yes this is for you. 
Yes I could not resist it any longer. Ladies large mortgage is a loose term so if you are single and £50k or 100k mortgage is huge for you if you take into account what you earn then please don’t be put off by the title of this thread feel free to join in.   

Also ladies if you are single but have finished paying your mortgage please also join in as we could really use your advice on how you did it as we are all hoping to get to that point of owning the house outright. 

I have been going in and out of other threads trying to find specific company of single ladies who have a very big mortgage. After much looking I decided to start this thread. I will be writing regularly but please I want this to be our diary not just my diary! Please anyone who have found themselves in this scary yet wonderful position  that I have found myself in please give me a shout! I would like to exchange everyday things and life experiences with all you courageous single ladies who are getting, or have or have had a large mortgage. 

This platform is for us single ladies to keep our spirits up in this seemingly lonely journey. 

I hope this will help keep us motivated and help us in achieving our dreams. I hope this thread will help others know it can be done. I do read other threads but then it’s like “ me and my other half have recently bought a house and are now in the process of overpaying” or “me and my other half are now planning to renovate or extend or remortgage or buy a bigger house “. I then just feel demotivated as I am just on my own trying to manage this mortgage! 

A LITTLE ABOUT ME!
I am single (divorced) female, with children who live with me and have a huge mortgage. I particularly find it huge as I am also not that young, born in the seventies so now in my late forties! 

Went on separation into renting and after finalisation of divorce decided to now work on buying my own forever home! Was not easy renting and saving for a deposit but I was determined as I know it was going to be even more challenging if I left it until after I am 50. I knew that the sooner I bought my own house the better as house prices seem to go up in general. So anyway started renting in 2016, started looking for a place end of 2018 and purchased 2019. Saving for the deposit was tough but hey I had to do it. 

I do love my house but it does come with a big mortgage, £487500 was the initial loan amount. 

The house I bought was in London as I just love London and work in London. I had to spend that much although not such a wise idea( on looking back) but as I have young children I wanted to find a quieter neighbourhood and being in London I needed parking and having 4 children I needed space and since I am easily disturbed by noise I needed to be away from busy roads, as I have children I needed a decent garden, so ladies you can see how all those add up and increase purchase price? 

My deposit was over 20% and it’s a 23 year variable mortgage discounted for two years after which it will go to bank SVR. 

On this thread we can talk about how we are coping with our mortgages, how we are coping with  house maintanance, how you feel about your house. Yes let’s talk about the joys and tears of owning a house! Let’s talk about how you enjoy sitting in your lounge or being in your bedroom, or being in the garden or how you have been forced to learn to paint or to learn some plumbing! 

I must confess there is more to a house than getting the mortgage I soon discovered! Have you seen how builders treat you when you want them to do some work for you? Well ladies we have a lot to just laugh about and cry about don’t you think? Please join in! 🧚🏾🧚🏾‍♀️

hope to hear from you all single ladies 

KeepOnKnitting

Hey there, 
I don't have a mortgage yet, but I like to spend time on this board as I find it really hopeful and inspiring. I am just in the process of applying for a mortgage by myself. It comes after a history of repossession and bankruptcy (and mostly unrelated separation and divorce) so taking on debt again is feeling pretty daunting. The mortgage itself is pretty affordable, and won't be huge, but the fear relating to it is pretty big after my history. I am just making the most of the next couple of months to save the final bits of my deposit while the application goes through, whilst telling myself that it's OK if it all fails, I can try again later. I am buying the house I currently rent, so it won't make a lot of difference overall, just the mental shift of owning it.
All the best for you and your four littlies.

Sistergold

KeepOnKnitting said:

Hey there, 
I don't have a mortgage yet, but I like to spend time on this board as I find it really hopeful and inspiring. I am just in the process of applying for a mortgage by myself. It comes after a history of repossession and bankruptcy (and mostly unrelated separation and divorce) so taking on debt again is feeling pretty daunting. The mortgage itself is pretty affordable, and won't be huge, but the fear relating to it is pretty big after my history. I am just making the most of the next couple of months to save the final bits of my deposit while the application goes through, whilst telling myself that it's OK if it all fails, I can try again later. I am buying the house I currently rent, so it won't make a lot of difference overall, just the mental shift of owning it.
All the best for you and your four littlies.

Dear Keeponknitting!
your have come to the right thread! 
I knew I was not alone in this feeling of I am just on my own. I like you went through a lot. By the time you divorce your spirit is just been through a lot and once out you are now needing to be courageous enough to get into this large debt(mortgage) on your own? It’s like always one big thing after another?  At this point you probably don’t feel confident about yourself or the world!? But hey girl we have to do it no matter what. I was just in your position last year wanting to buy so I know just how you feel! Please keep us updated in the progress of your purchase and we will be cheering you on!
and well done in making this all important and best decision of your life!  

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Reflections for today.
1. Not sure why but just wanted to look back on why I decided to buy a house when I did? This will include timing and also just even why buy at all? 
2. I keep asking myself how I even managed to buy it? 

3. Sometimes I ask myself should I have borrowed as much as I did?
4. Then I ask generally do I regret buying?
5. Am I afraid of things going wrong? 

6. I would also want to look at the challenges that I faced which almost made me give up and how I overcame them as a single mortgage applicant. 

7. I would also like to look at the advantages of being on my own even with this large mortgage! 

8. The challenges I have found as a single homeowner. (Will not want to call them disadvantages)
9. The advantages of renting before I bought.
10. The disadvantages of renting before I bought. 
11. What I did in preparation to mortgage application. 

Will be just posting reflections as I go along so that someone, somewhere, somehow, maybe one day this might make one/more single lady/s not feel so lonely. I am sure this will help someone who is thinking of buying or in the process of buying, also for those who already bought answering those question will help in knowing how we all felt while we were in that process. 

Please ladies feel free to also reflect back on those questions and answer as I would love to hear your stories.  Can answer as much or as little of the questions as you want! 😻

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
I plan to answer one question at a time so that its not too long a read, that is I will have a post for each question so that I can express as much as possible per question.
1. Not sure why but just wanted to look back on why I decided to buy a house when I did?
This will include timing and also just even why buy at all? 
A. Buying a house has always been an attractive idea for me. I even remember as newly married it was a priority for me. I have always been a person who will always cut my dress according to the size of my cloth. So with what I earn there should be a house out there which is within my budget. While my Ex always wanted to stay in the best neighbourhoods which at most times we could not easily afford at that time I always argued to buy whatever/wherever we can get at any one time and not wait and if ever we can afford more and better then we can move. I remember always being in arguments with Ex as because of my reasoning he would Complain and say that we have ended up in not such good neighbourhoods. I just felt that waiting for better days was tricky as house prices will be going up and this might mean you will never afford where you think you should live. Also my Ex was never in permanent employment so in as much as he always wanted better he  in-fact was the one who made us not to afford the so called better neighbourhoods. For me it is best to do what you can and buy in the best places within what you can afford as soon as you can. I must say this thinking of not holding off buying has always helped me have a place of my own and in most cases it always worked out that we never afforded to move but at least we were secure even though it was not always in the best of Neighbourhoods.

B. I feel irritated whenever I am in rental properties and I am always impatient to get my own place. This is because for me I have been unfortunate to meet landlords who have not been flexible enough for me. Our first rental property as a couple was furnished and this was a property where the landlord had grown up in and he had gotten the house as an inheritance. I think he was attached to his late parent’s furniture but he was renting out the property! I had to put up with ancient furniture and vintage style bed which even the mattress was the original Old mattress with springs coming out. Needless to say I had to see what I can do to buy whatever we could afford as I could not cope with old furniture and he was not willing to get rid of it. When I moved due to separation I went into rental again, first place I was paying around £1700 per month( rented for 1year) the place was nice but close to a busy road and even then I had to move out as it was then sold and moving was such a hustle and I had to allow viewings while still paying rent! It just felt like I pay rent and get all the inconveniences! So you never call the shots in rental.

The second place I then rented during my separation was £1600(rented for just over 2years) the place was bigger but also cheaper, which was good and it was not by a busy road so nice and peaceful. Within a week I found things were always breaking down and so I needed to always be making arrangements for workmen to come in. Breakdowns were so common in this place to such an extent that the landlord even refunded me one week worth of rent as my inconvenience was obvious and too much.
I really liked this place and I would not have minded to stay there for a while but I quickly realised I needed a place of my own when at one point I asked the landlord to please put some hooks or screws on the walls to be able to hang some pictures and a wall clock, he answered “no that he preferred the walls bare”! I then asked myself how long will I stay with no wall pictures of any kind in such a beautiful place where I was paying that much? 
Being refused to make the place I was renting homely was now the major push for me to make sure I now move into my own place. Moving became very urgent and I then pushed myself to make it happen. I started to think more clearly and I felt I could not have personal pride or dignity if I did not buy my own place. It felt like my landlord thought that everyone who rents can never buy? I really felt sorry for myself and felt bitter in a way that failure of my marriage had brought me into this position where I was viewed as a failure as I  was renting. In the two places I rented as a single person they demanded 6 months rent at a time in advance. They were not confident of me continuing to pay my rentals as a single woman. Even with 6 months rent upfront I was never allowed to make any personal touches to the rental places. I never did anything without asking and nothing I requested was allowed.

C. In rental I was also very worried about damaging the property. I could not allow the children to be children. Don’t get me wrong I don’t condone children causing damage but damage can just happen in the life of being a child. If its your own house as your children are growing you accept wall scratches, writing on the walls etc, you will tell your child off for it but you know it happens and you will paint later when convenient. In a rental property it becomes tricky for any kind of damage as repairs can be very expensive depending on whom the landlord brings to sort out the problem. in rental properties I found that no matter how long you stayed reasonable wear and tear was not tolerated and always resulted in a huge chunk of deposit being held back.

D. I found that in every place I rented my neighbours who owned their houses looked down on me as they always knew that I was renting. Because I was renting it looked like “I had to behave myself”. Please don’t get me wrong I don’t think I am not a considerate neighbour but I found that whatever I did it seemed to be viewed differently where I have been renting versus when they know I own the house. For instance while still married and renting neighbours would be angry if one of the children’s footballs went over the fence but when I have been in my own property if a ball goes over the fence next door they are friendly throw it over or if we go to ask for it the neighbours will have a pleasant chat with me then hand over the ball and everyone is laughing. 

I found when renting my neighbours always had something to complain about, I would always get the complaint logged in straight with the landlord who is miles away instead of bringing it up with me. It was almost to say we know who owns the house and we are going to report you😏.

E. All the above issues with renting I found them more magnified being a single woman. In rental as a single woman on top of unnecessary complaints neighbors thought they could bully me in the process of unreasonable complaints. I also found it more difficult as a single woman to secure a rental property, I guess there is more chances of rentals default with a single person and they probably know that single ladies seem to be more disadvantaged in terms of rate of pay and security of work so it was a struggle to pass the checks. So renting as a single person made me very nervous and this was going to get worse the older I got I felt, with age I would have felt more discriminated I would have guessed.

F. With renting I felt I was really paying so much but the property was never going to be mine. This seemed like a waste for me and the worst part was I still had to ask for permission to change anything about the house. For me rent I only compare it to the interest I pay for my mortgage and so in my own house my rent(interest element) was always going to be cheaper making this really attractive option. My monthly mortgage payment was going to be £2202.69 of which £1381.08 is capital repayment, and £821.61 is monthly interest charged. So for me the £821.61 is what I compare to my rent.  Also even for my house after getting such a large mortgage if I were to rent it out the expected rent is over £2600 per month. So either way was cheaper for me to buy. 

G. With the above rental challenges I also learnt that it becomes more difficult to get a mortgage after 50. So the clock was really ticking. 
H. Despite all the above I still have to say I had to be patient as I had to wait for the final divorce papers to go through and get the divorce certificate before buying my own property. 

Conclusion 
I had to do my research and make sure I was ready to start the process. 
All in all I had to save like crazy and get enough deposit. I also had to make sure I was truly divorced so as to make sure Ex did not have a claim to the property I was going to buy.

 

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
2. I keep asking myself how I even managed to buy it? 
In as much as reading answers in number 1 you will see I always have an inclination to own my own place it does not mean I was always confident that I could even do it. Especially on my own everything starts to look impossible. Being single somehow carries many disadvantages for both parties but I think more so for the one who goes with the children. I have to work around the children and there is so much more expenses as its not just me. I could not rely on Ex helping with children as I completely moved towns. The house I needed had to accommodate me and the children. So still needed good size house on single income. I really had to think outside the box. 

A. I hired a childminder/house keeper to be able to work as much as I could(so increased hours) and having a childminder/housekeeper also meant I was more reliable at work.
If there was an issue at school and one of the children needed to be picked up it was the child minder who would cover these emergencies. She also made sure the house was tidy so I would not overwork myself once I got home. 

B. I researched which areas I wanted to live in, looked at how much I needed for the kind of house I wanted in that area. I looked at secondary and primary schools, shops, safety and public transport. All this research helped me to be able to buy as I believe visualisation really helped in making it possible to attain my goals as I could really start seeing myself living there. I visited the areas I thought I liked to be sure and picture how it will be to live there. 

C. I Downloaded the RightMove, Zoopla, PurpleBricks Apps. I needed to constantly monitor house prices to make sure I was on track. I also just loved to look at houses and hope one day it will be me in my own house.

D. I read online stories about other single woman who had bought houses and how they did it also watched similar stories on YouTube. With all this I really felt I could do it. 

E. Made sure I discarded any thoughts of doubt. You will be surprised how often you can talk yourself out of it at the first huddle. 

F. I “cleaned” my main bank account of unnecessary transactions leading up-to the time of mortgage application. I had learnt that every bank transaction will be scrutinised. For instance I had to open a different bank account for things like children’s extra lessons, and eating out etc as these will make me not look favourable with lender. A year before mortgage application I had saved money into a separate account for eating out and other payments like my childminder or payments which I did not want to cause me problems when being scrutinised later. This meant when I applied for my mortgage my account was really organised with just salary and direct debits like, sky, council tax, utility bills and bit of food shopping, so I did not have to explain any outgoings and  my affordability. I can not emphasise enough the importance of having at least 6 months of a good bank statement which does not contain unnecessary spending. 

D. Had to apply pressure for Ex to make divorce progress as he seemed to just sit on the paperwork and I was not going to be foolish enough to buy a house while still legally married. 

E. Once my bank account and savings were in order I started looking and viewing houses in August 2018. I needed to have moved by August 2019 as I had one of my children moving to secondary school September 2019. My tenancy in the rental was also going to end in June 2019 and so I needed to hopefully move end of July 2019 once children closed school. 

F. I viewed 3 houses I loved and each time despite making good offers nothing ever progressed. The estate agents were just using me to create competition I think again they felt that I was not going to be able to see it through. Sometimes it felt like I was bidding against myself as there was always a cash buyer who had outbid me? I didn’t expect there to be so many cash buyers ready to spend over £600k?
I did send bank statements to prove I had the deposit and was going to use the mortgage adviser at whatever estate agent I got the house.
To cut the long story of house viewing short for me to secure the property I finally bought a few fortunate arrangements worked in my favour. Firstly the owner of the house who happened to be a lady was the one conducting the viewing. Secondly we really managed to strike a rapport straight away and a viewing which was supposed to be 30 minutes max turned into a two hour viewing with lots of cups of coffee. It felt like she had accepted that I would be the next owner of the house. We got on like old friends although I had never met her before? 

As I really felt this was THEE house and I was now tired of losing on previous properties and somehow it felt like this was my best chance I made the offer straight to the lady. I asked her how much she really wanted  for the house. She said I should make an offer and she can then get back to me. At this point I explained to her that I have viewed a few houses and I really loved her house, I explained that because I did not want to lose the house I would prefer that she tells me what amount would make her happy so that we seal the deal there and then. She explained that she had received an offer 5 days prior to me coming to view but she had not gotten back to the couple as she just didn’t feel comfortable that the sale would be easy as they had come to see the house several times already and made so many complaints about the house before making the offer. The couple had also brought a surveyor and other family members and visits were constant. Well she then told me what she had been offered already and she asked me for a figure which was just over what she had been offered. I agreed the amount she proposed for her house, we shook hands and had more coffee and she told me stories about her life as if we were old friends. Lady was in her 70s and had lost her husband about 3yrs prior to selling the house and I think she liked the idea of a single lady buying her house as she was also in the process of buying a house as a single lady(widowed).  Laddies let me also mention that we exchanged mobile numbers with the seller at the viewing so that we could communicate  to make process smoother. It was really wise that I asked for her number as the estate agents were really not inclined towards me.

When I finally finished my viewing I went to the estate agents to meet the mortgage adviser. Apparently he was independent but in the same building. I told the estate agents that I loved the house and that I had made an offer to the lady of the house and she had accepted it. They were not happy about me making a direct offer to the seller, they argued that if I had made it trough them they would have gotten me a better price? I told them I did not want a better price as I wanted to pay what the lady was happy with as I did not have the time to go back and forth. They could not believe that the lady had agreed the offer and that we had shaken hands on it.  The truth was the estate agents just wanted to choose who buys the house and they were never really going to negotiate a better price for me as the higher the price agreed the better for them. 

I. I went through the processes with the mortgage broker and discovered that he was not really helping me. He kept on asking me questions without end and we were not getting closer to sending the mortgage applications. After a while it became obvious that he was really being sexist and didn’t believe that I could buy the house on my own for some reason. I also suspected that they wanted the seller to get tired and so give the house to someone else. So I terminated the services of the in-house mortgage broker and went to another independent broker who was in a different estate agent. 

Conclusion
 To be able to buy I had to increase my income, I had to make my bank statements look good, I have always maintained A GOOD CREDIT RECORD, I was lucky to meet the seller who happened to be a widow, I managed to discuss with the lady and concluded the offer there and then, I managed to get the sellers contact details, I managed to find a good mortgage broker, all my finances were in place

beanielou

I am single & very late 50's.
Finally in the last year of my mortgage which seemed huge in relation to my income.
Have just taken out a home improvement loan though!

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
3. Sometimes I ask myself should I have borrowed as much as I did?
While I was trying to buy my house I was so focused on getting a house which ticked all the boxes such that I borrowed the maximum I could borrow. Once I moved in I then went on to do some renovations. The renovations got bigger than I initially planned and thus I found myself out of pocket soon after moving in. This meant I did not have an emergency fund. At that point I stated worrying more about the size of my mortgage. 
I have since rebuild some savings but now with the problems of Covid-19 I do wish I had taken a smaller mortgage. I still love my house and I still want to keep it but I now am going to focus on making overpayments to reduce monthly payments and also pay off Mortgage sooner. 
I can not say I was not aware that I was over-stretching myself but my reasoning was if I get a bigger house I can always let out a room if need be but now with COVID-19 its obvious rentals are not guaranteed. 
Having said that Yes I do worry about the size of the mortgage but its not a big worry and I just pray for the best as even if the mortgage was smaller things can still go wrong really. 
I have started overpaying and I will focus on paying it off so that it does not continue to be a worry. 
Conclusion
On hind-site it would have been good to compromise on some things and get a smaller mortgage so that is what I would advise any other single lady that a big mortgage does cause a higher level of stress as the world seems more unpredictable. Always have a plan to what you would do if you fall on hard times, for me first option is to let out some of my bedrooms. I am happy to even share my bedroom with my children at that point to maximise on rentals, downstairs I have two lounges so this is all space I can utilise if I let  out some of the rooms upstairs. If push comes to shove I would rent out the whole house and move to a smaller cheaper house. 
For now though I do have a secure job which has not been affected with the current crisis so i am grateful.

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
4. Then I ask generally do I regret buying?
Buying was the best thing I ever did for me and for my children. They are really settled, they are not worried about moving again and having to make new friends. My immediate neighbours are friendly and my children are in the same school as theirs. My Close has under 10 houses and we have a Whatsup group we all are in to communicate any safety concerns, arrange get togethers, and everyone in the Close is friendly. Area is very quiet and safe. Buying this house was like it was meant to be. All the other houses where my offers were not accepted had things I had compromised on from my wish list but with this house everything I wished for I got and more. So I have no regrets about buying this house and  no regrets about location.

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
5. Am I afraid of things going wrong
A. With regards to Mortgage
Yes I have moments when I worry about things going wrong making me fail to pay the mortgage. To help with this fear I have now put aside 12 months worth of mortgage payments. I am now in the process of saving for all other regular outgoings like council tax, gas/electricity, etc,  I have life insurance to pay off mortgage in case of death, critical illness cover, income protection etc. I have also started making overpayments.
I will also be reading other peoples diaries to gain inspiration and ideas on how I can handle house ownership better.
B. With regards to the actual house
I must say once I moved in I realised that yes things do go wrong quite often while staying in a house. Being a female in a house I started worrying about the Maintanance of the house. While I was married if anything needed to be done my husband(EX) was more handy than me as it was more natural for him, I was helpful but it was down to him to paint, fix plumbing, fix a shelf, change door handles etc. For example I was left with no curtain rails by the builder when he finished renovating my house, no toilet roll holders, no wall mirrors etc. I ordered some blinds (18 blinds) and builder did not install them. Went online to get someone to install the blinds for me and they never turned up after charging some ridiculous amount. 
At that point it dawned on me that it’s no good owning a house and always looking for a man to fix every simple thing that needs fixing. So I have gone on and done 1) drilling course, 2) plumbing course, 3) carpentry course, 4)kitchen fitting course, 5)electrical course, house maintenance course. I then bought myself some power tools and fitted my own blinds, fixed my kitchen plumbing when it was leaking, have installed my shower rails, bathroom mirrors, toilet roll holders etc. I plan to carry on attending courses to help me learn new skills so that I can be more independent . 

Conclusion 
So I was afraid of things going wrong but I started making changes to reduce this fear. As a single person you need to rely on yourself and be more handy around the house as even if you have money for a handyman they might not be available. Doing it yourself will save you money and remove anxiety. It pays to learn a few skills as it will help you in making your house your home. Imagine calling in a handy man every time you buy a picture?

Sistergold

Hello laddies
Answers to Reflections from the other day
6. I would also want to look at the challenges that I faced which almost made me give up and how I overcame them as a single mortgage applicant. 
A. Estate agents being overbearing and biased against me because I am a single female acting as if I don't know what type of house or area I want to live in. I just became more determined and kept on searching insisting on what I wanted.

B. My offers not going anywhere even when I offered above asking price. I just kept on searching and wanting and believing and getting more determined. More like what is meant to be will be just took the refusal to mean God was just taking me to my ideal house in the end I was lucky to meet a seller who was also single and kept her word despite being advised to dump me. I communicate with the lady who sold me this house even now. 😊

C. Mortgage adviser at estate agent being biased against me as an older single woman. I just asserted myself and terminated his services, found a different mortgage adviser who really worked for me and did his job well. Laddies a mortgage adviser can make you or break you, good choice will be the difference between getting a house or not. A mortgage adviser will help you choose the right bank for your circumstances, he will know what to include and what to leave out form your application. 

D. Initially even with my large budget I could not tick all items on my wish list in the area i initially wanted.  I increased my deposit and also broadened my search area. Went into the outer parts of my initial desired area and I managed to get all I wanted for the right money. 

E. My first mortgage offer had a certain condition I had to meet before they could release the money on completion and initially I tried to meet it but in the end there was not going to be enough time and it was not all up to me. This first mortgage offer had a very low rate which was good. On the advice of my mortgage adviser we carried on with the rest of the purchase process then last minute he made a new application to a different bank which got me an offer with no conditions attached but the interest rate was higher meaning higher payments for me but it was better than not being able to buy my house. The second application was not done immediately to avoid doing too many credit checks within a short space of time as this is not good on the credit report.

F. Too many outgoings in my main account initially causing a lot of explanations to be needed by the bank.  Opened another account for other miscellaneous bank transactions, waited a few months then did another application which went through without affordability issues with a different bank.

G. Age being against me. Just accepted it as a fact and kept on believing and also knowing that this was the youngest I will ever be so there was not going to be a better time as each year in was getting older. 

H. Being female working against me. Just accepting that it is what it is

I. Being a single mother working against me. Well again being more determined and accepting the things i can not change, pushed myself more for the greater goal.

H. Feeling guilty about working so much to get the deposit as the children are still young. Well I focused on the fact that I could adjust that once I got the house and it was also for the benefit of the children. Also accepted that once done its done and I told myself I had no choice as renting was not good for our future.