SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

edited 2 May 2020 at 6:47AM in Mortgage-Free Wannabe
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edited 2 May 2020 at 6:47AM in Mortgage-Free Wannabe
Hello all
SLLM - single ladies with large mortgages or single ladies who have previously had large mortgages or single laddies in the process of getting a large mortgage!  So if you are a lady and own your own house then yes this is for you. 
Yes I could not resist it any longer. Ladies large mortgage is a loose term so if you are single and £50k or 100k mortgage is huge for you if you take into account what you earn then please don’t be put off by the title of this thread feel free to join in.   
Also ladies if you are single but have finished paying your mortgage please also join in as we could really use your advice on how you did it as we are all hoping to get to that point of owning the house outright. 
I have been going in and out of other threads trying to find specific company of single ladies who have a very big mortgage. After much looking I decided to start this thread. I will be writing regularly but please I want this to be our diary not just my diary! Please anyone who have found themselves in this scary yet wonderful position  that I have found myself in please give me a shout! I would like to exchange everyday things and life experiences with all you courageous single ladies who are getting, or have or have had a large mortgage. 
This platform is for us single ladies to keep our spirits up in this seemingly lonely journey. 
I hope this will help keep us motivated and help us in achieving our dreams. I hope this thread will help others know it can be done. I do read other threads but then it’s like “ me and my other half have recently bought a house and are now in the process of overpaying” or “me and my other half are now planning to renovate or extend or remortgage or buy a bigger house “. I then just feel demotivated as I am just on my own trying to manage this mortgage! 
A LITTLE ABOUT ME!
I am single (divorced) female, with children who live with me and have a huge mortgage. I particularly find it huge as I am also not that young, born in the seventies so now in my late forties! 
Went on separation into renting and after finalisation of divorce decided to now work on buying my own forever home! Was not easy renting and saving for a deposit but I was determined as I know it was going to be even more challenging if I left it until after I am 50. I knew that the sooner I bought my own house the better as house prices seem to go up in general. So anyway started renting in 2016, started looking for a place end of 2018 and purchased 2019. Saving for the deposit was tough but hey I had to do it. 
I do love my house but it does come with a big mortgage, £487500 was the initial loan amount. 
The house I bought was in London as I just love London and work in London. I had to spend that much although not such a wise idea( on looking back) but as I have young children I wanted to find a quieter neighbourhood and being in London I needed parking and having 4 children I needed space and since I am easily disturbed by noise I needed to be away from busy roads, as I have children I needed a decent garden, so ladies you can see how all those add up and increase purchase price? 
My deposit was over 20% and it’s a 23 year variable mortgage discounted for two years after which it will go to bank SVR. 
On this thread we can talk about how we are coping with our mortgages, how we are coping with  house maintanance, how you feel about your house. Yes let’s talk about the joys and tears of owning a house! Let’s talk about how you enjoy sitting in your lounge or being in your bedroom, or being in the garden or how you have been forced to learn to paint or to learn some plumbing! 
I must confess there is more to a house than getting the mortgage I soon discovered! Have you seen how builders treat you when you want them to do some work for you? Well ladies we have a lot to just laugh about and cry about don’t you think? Please join in! 🧚🏾🧚🏾‍♀️
hope to hear from you all single ladies 



Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
£12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
Recovery Pot £725/15k
To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
Am a single mom of 4. 
«134567101

Replies

  • KeepOnKnittingKeepOnKnitting Forumite
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    Hey there, 
    I don't have a mortgage yet, but I like to spend time on this board as I find it really hopeful and inspiring. I am just in the process of applying for a mortgage by myself. It comes after a history of repossession and bankruptcy (and mostly unrelated separation and divorce) so taking on debt again is feeling pretty daunting. The mortgage itself is pretty affordable, and won't be huge, but the fear relating to it is pretty big after my history. I am just making the most of the next couple of months to save the final bits of my deposit while the application goes through, whilst telling myself that it's OK if it all fails, I can try again later. I am buying the house I currently rent, so it won't make a lot of difference overall, just the mental shift of owning it.
    All the best for you and your four littlies.
    Save £12k in 2021 #11
  • SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    Hey there, 
    I don't have a mortgage yet, but I like to spend time on this board as I find it really hopeful and inspiring. I am just in the process of applying for a mortgage by myself. It comes after a history of repossession and bankruptcy (and mostly unrelated separation and divorce) so taking on debt again is feeling pretty daunting. The mortgage itself is pretty affordable, and won't be huge, but the fear relating to it is pretty big after my history. I am just making the most of the next couple of months to save the final bits of my deposit while the application goes through, whilst telling myself that it's OK if it all fails, I can try again later. I am buying the house I currently rent, so it won't make a lot of difference overall, just the mental shift of owning it.
    All the best for you and your four littlies.
    Dear Keeponknitting!
    your have come to the right thread! 
    I knew I was not alone in this feeling of I am just on my own. I like you went through a lot. By the time you divorce your spirit is just been through a lot and once out you are now needing to be courageous enough to get into this large debt(mortgage) on your own? It’s like always one big thing after another?  At this point you probably don’t feel confident about yourself or the world!? But hey girl we have to do it no matter what. I was just in your position last year wanting to buy so I know just how you feel! Please keep us updated in the progress of your purchase and we will be cheering you on!
    and well done in making this all important and best decision of your life!  
    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    Hello laddies
    Reflections for today.
    1. Not sure why but just wanted to look back on why I decided to buy a house when I did? This will include timing and also just even why buy at all? 
    2. I keep asking myself how I even managed to buy it? 
    3. Sometimes I ask myself should I have borrowed as much as I did?
    4. Then I ask generally do I regret buying?
    5. Am I afraid of things going wrong? 
    6. I would also want to look at the challenges that I faced which almost made me give up and how I overcame them as a single mortgage applicant. 
    7. I would also like to look at the advantages of being on my own even with this large mortgage! 
    8. The challenges I have found as a single homeowner. (Will not want to call them disadvantages)
    9. The advantages of renting before I bought.
    10. The disadvantages of renting before I bought. 
    11. What I did in preparation to mortgage application. 
    Will be just posting reflections as I go along so that someone, somewhere, somehow, maybe one day this might make one/more single lady/s not feel so lonely. I am sure this will help someone who is thinking of buying or in the process of buying, also for those who already bought answering those question will help in knowing how we all felt while we were in that process. 
    Please ladies feel free to also reflect back on those questions and answer as I would love to hear your stories.  Can answer as much or as little of the questions as you want! 😻

    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • edited 14 February at 7:08AM
    SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    edited 14 February at 7:08AM
    Hello laddies
    Answers to Reflections from the other day
    2. I keep asking myself how I even managed to buy it? 
    In as much as reading answers in number 1 you will see I always have an inclination to own my own place it does not mean I was always confident that I could even do it. Especially on my own everything starts to look impossible. Being single somehow carries many disadvantages for both parties but I think more so for the one who goes with the children. I have to work around the children and there is so much more expenses as its not just me. I could not rely on Ex helping with children as I completely moved towns. The house I needed had to accommodate me and the children. So still needed good size house on single income. I really had to think outside the box. 

    A. I hired a childminder/house keeper to be able to work as much as I could(so increased hours) and having a childminder/housekeeper also meant I was more reliable at work.
    If there was an issue at school and one of the children needed to be picked up it was the child minder who would cover these emergencies. She also made sure the house was tidy so I would not overwork myself once I got home. 

    B. I researched which areas I wanted to live in, looked at how much I needed for the kind of house I wanted in that area. I looked at secondary and primary schools, shops, safety and public transport. All this research helped me to be able to buy as I believe visualisation really helped in making it possible to attain my goals as I could really start seeing myself living there. I visited the areas I thought I liked to be sure and picture how it will be to live there. 

    C. I Downloaded the RightMove, Zoopla, PurpleBricks Apps. I needed to constantly monitor house prices to make sure I was on track. I also just loved to look at houses and hope one day it will be me in my own house.

    D. I read online stories about other single woman who had bought houses and how they did it also watched similar stories on YouTube. With all this I really felt I could do it. 

    E. Made sure I discarded any thoughts of doubt. You will be surprised how often you can talk yourself out of it at the first huddle. 

    F. I “cleaned” my main bank account of unnecessary transactions leading up-to the time of mortgage application. I had learnt that every bank transaction will be scrutinised. For instance I had to open a different bank account for things like children’s extra lessons, and eating out etc as these will make me not look favourable with lender. A year before mortgage application I had saved money into a separate account for eating out and other payments like my childminder or payments which I did not want to cause me problems when being scrutinised later. This meant when I applied for my mortgage my account was really organised with just salary and direct debits like, sky, council tax, utility bills and bit of food shopping, so I did not have to explain any outgoings and  my affordability. I can not emphasise enough the importance of having at least 6 months of a good bank statement which does not contain unnecessary spending. 

    D. Had to apply pressure for Ex to make divorce progress as he seemed to just sit on the paperwork and I was not going to be foolish enough to buy a house while still legally married. 

    E. Once my bank account and savings were in order I started looking and viewing houses in August 2018. I needed to have moved by August 2019 as I had one of my children moving to secondary school September 2019. My tenancy in the rental was also going to end in June 2019 and so I needed to hopefully move end of July 2019 once children closed school. 

    F. I viewed 3 houses I loved and each time despite making good offers nothing ever progressed. The estate agents were just using me to create competition I think again they felt that I was not going to be able to see it through. Sometimes it felt like I was bidding against myself as there was always a cash buyer who had outbid me? I didn’t expect there to be so many cash buyers ready to spend over £600k?
    I did send bank statements to prove I had the deposit and was going to use the mortgage adviser at whatever estate agent I got the house.
    To cut the long story of house viewing short for me to secure the property I finally bought a few fortunate arrangements worked in my favour. Firstly the owner of the house who happened to be a lady was the one conducting the viewing. Secondly we really managed to strike a rapport straight away and a viewing which was supposed to be 30 minutes max turned into a two hour viewing with lots of cups of coffee. It felt like she had accepted that I would be the next owner of the house. We got on like old friends although I had never met her before? 

    As I really felt this was THEE house and I was now tired of losing on previous properties and somehow it felt like this was my best chance I made the offer straight to the lady. I asked her how much she really wanted  for the house. She said I should make an offer and she can then get back to me. At this point I explained to her that I have viewed a few houses and I really loved her house, I explained that because I did not want to lose the house I would prefer that she tells me what amount would make her happy so that we seal the deal there and then. She explained that she had received an offer 5 days prior to me coming to view but she had not gotten back to the couple as she just didn’t feel comfortable that the sale would be easy as they had come to see the house several times already and made so many complaints about the house before making the offer. The couple had also brought a surveyor and other family members and visits were constant. Well she then told me what she had been offered already and she asked me for a figure which was just over what she had been offered. I agreed the amount she proposed for her house, we shook hands and had more coffee and she told me stories about her life as if we were old friends. Lady was in her 70s and had lost her husband about 3yrs prior to selling the house and I think she liked the idea of a single lady buying her house as she was also in the process of buying a house as a single lady(widowed).  Laddies let me also mention that we exchanged mobile numbers with the seller at the viewing so that we could communicate  to make process smoother. It was really wise that I asked for her number as the estate agents were really not inclined towards me.

    When I finally finished my viewing I went to the estate agents to meet the mortgage adviser. Apparently he was independent but in the same building. I told the estate agents that I loved the house and that I had made an offer to the lady of the house and she had accepted it. They were not happy about me making a direct offer to the seller, they argued that if I had made it trough them they would have gotten me a better price? I told them I did not want a better price as I wanted to pay what the lady was happy with as I did not have the time to go back and forth. They could not believe that the lady had agreed the offer and that we had shaken hands on it.  The truth was the estate agents just wanted to choose who buys the house and they were never really going to negotiate a better price for me as the higher the price agreed the better for them. 

    I. I went through the processes with the mortgage broker and discovered that he was not really helping me. He kept on asking me questions without end and we were not getting closer to sending the mortgage applications. After a while it became obvious that he was really being sexist and didn’t believe that I could buy the house on my own for some reason. I also suspected that they wanted the seller to get tired and so give the house to someone else. So I terminated the services of the in-house mortgage broker and went to another independent broker who was in a different estate agent. 

    Conclusion
     To be able to buy I had to increase my income, I had to make my bank statements look good, I have always maintained A GOOD CREDIT RECORD, I was lucky to meet the seller who happened to be a widow, I managed to discuss with the lady and concluded the offer there and then, I managed to get the sellers contact details, I managed to find a good mortgage broker, all my finances were in place
    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    I am single & very late 50's.
    Finally in the last year of my mortgage which seemed huge in relation to my income.
    Have just taken out a home improvement loan though!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • edited 1 May 2020 at 8:30PM
    SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    edited 1 May 2020 at 8:30PM
    Hello laddies
    Answers to Reflections from the other day
    3. Sometimes I ask myself should I have borrowed as much as I did?
    While I was trying to buy my house I was so focused on getting a house which ticked all the boxes such that I borrowed the maximum I could borrow. Once I moved in I then went on to do some renovations. The renovations got bigger than I initially planned and thus I found myself out of pocket soon after moving in. This meant I did not have an emergency fund. At that point I stated worrying more about the size of my mortgage. 
    I have since rebuild some savings but now with the problems of Covid-19 I do wish I had taken a smaller mortgage. I still love my house and I still want to keep it but I now am going to focus on making overpayments to reduce monthly payments and also pay off Mortgage sooner. 
    I can not say I was not aware that I was over-stretching myself but my reasoning was if I get a bigger house I can always let out a room if need be but now with COVID-19 its obvious rentals are not guaranteed. 
    Having said that Yes I do worry about the size of the mortgage but its not a big worry and I just pray for the best as even if the mortgage was smaller things can still go wrong really. 
    I have started overpaying and I will focus on paying it off so that it does not continue to be a worry. 
    Conclusion
    On hind-site it would have been good to compromise on some things and get a smaller mortgage so that is what I would advise any other single lady that a big mortgage does cause a higher level of stress as the world seems more unpredictable. Always have a plan to what you would do if you fall on hard times, for me first option is to let out some of my bedrooms. I am happy to even share my bedroom with my children at that point to maximise on rentals, downstairs I have two lounges so this is all space I can utilise if I let  out some of the rooms upstairs. If push comes to shove I would rent out the whole house and move to a smaller cheaper house. 
    For now though I do have a secure job which has not been affected with the current crisis so i am grateful.
    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • edited 8 May 2020 at 6:11PM
    SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    edited 8 May 2020 at 6:11PM
    Hello laddies
    Answers to Reflections from the other day
    4. Then I ask generally do I regret buying?
    Buying was the best thing I ever did for me and for my children. They are really settled, they are not worried about moving again and having to make new friends. My immediate neighbours are friendly and my children are in the same school as theirs. My Close has under 10 houses and we have a Whatsup group we all are in to communicate any safety concerns, arrange get togethers, and everyone in the Close is friendly. Area is very quiet and safe. Buying this house was like it was meant to be. All the other houses where my offers were not accepted had things I had compromised on from my wish list but with this house everything I wished for I got and more. So I have no regrets about buying this house and  no regrets about location.
    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
  • SistergoldSistergold Forumite
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    Hello laddies
    Answers to Reflections from the other day
    6. I would also want to look at the challenges that I faced which almost made me give up and how I overcame them as a single mortgage applicant. 
    A. Estate agents being overbearing and biased against me because I am a single female acting as if I don't know what type of house or area I want to live in. I just became more determined and kept on searching insisting on what I wanted.

    B. My offers not going anywhere even when I offered above asking price. I just kept on searching and wanting and believing and getting more determined. More like what is meant to be will be just took the refusal to mean God was just taking me to my ideal house in the end I was lucky to meet a seller who was also single and kept her word despite being advised to dump me. I communicate with the lady who sold me this house even now. 😊

    C. Mortgage adviser at estate agent being biased against me as an older single woman. I just asserted myself and terminated his services, found a different mortgage adviser who really worked for me and did his job well. Laddies a mortgage adviser can make you or break you, good choice will be the difference between getting a house or not. A mortgage adviser will help you choose the right bank for your circumstances, he will know what to include and what to leave out form your application. 

    D. Initially even with my large budget I could not tick all items on my wish list in the area i initially wanted.  I increased my deposit and also broadened my search area. Went into the outer parts of my initial desired area and I managed to get all I wanted for the right money. 

    E. My first mortgage offer had a certain condition I had to meet before they could release the money on completion and initially I tried to meet it but in the end there was not going to be enough time and it was not all up to me. This first mortgage offer had a very low rate which was good. On the advice of my mortgage adviser we carried on with the rest of the purchase process then last minute he made a new application to a different bank which got me an offer with no conditions attached but the interest rate was higher meaning higher payments for me but it was better than not being able to buy my house. The second application was not done immediately to avoid doing too many credit checks within a short space of time as this is not good on the credit report.

    F. Too many outgoings in my main account initially causing a lot of explanations to be needed by the bank.  Opened another account for other miscellaneous bank transactions, waited a few months then did another application which went through without affordability issues with a different bank.

    G. Age being against me. Just accepted it as a fact and kept on believing and also knowing that this was the youngest I will ever be so there was not going to be a better time as each year in was getting older. 

    H. Being female working against me. Just accepting that it is what it is

    I. Being a single mother working against me. Well again being more determined and accepting the things i can not change, pushed myself more for the greater goal.

    H. Feeling guilty about working so much to get the deposit as the children are still young. Well I focused on the fact that I could adjust that once I got the house and it was also for the benefit of the children. Also accepted that once done its done and I told myself I had no choice as renting was not good for our future.
    Initial mortgage bal £487.5k, target £380k
    Mortgage start date first week of July 2019,
    Mortgage term 23yrs(end of June 2042🙇🏽‍♀️), 
    Target is to pay it off in 10years(by 2030🥳). 
    MFW start Jan2021 mfw#47 (2020 mfw#136)
    £12K in 2021 #54 (in 2020 #148)
    Recovery Pot £725/15k
    To save £100K in 48months start 01/07/2020 @£73400 SoFar 
    Am a single mom of 4. 
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