SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

Sistergold

KeepOnKnitting said:

Sistergold said:

 I have woken up suddenly with my heart pounding just feeling like something terrible is going to happen. During these periods I will only manage a few hours of sleep because once I wake up say at 1am I can not go back to sleep! This panic is always mainly to do with fear of not being able to pay my mortgage. 

I had a tip from someone about this situation that has worked wonders for me: audiobooks. I have situations like this, especially related to my stressful work, and the best thing for me has been to put an audiobook of for a 30 minute timer and then really listen to it laid in the dark. It distracts me from the stress and I go right back to sleep. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.

Hello there KeepOnKnitting
That is really a good suggestion, I will get into the habit of having a good audio book going. I have used that method before when I struggled to fall asleep when I go to bed but I have never tried to use it if I wake up later and can not fall back to sleep. Will certainly give it a try.
Xx 

Sistergold

sofarbehind said:

Oh wow sistergold, thanks so much for writing all this! 

This is a dream thread for me, I relate to it all so much despite having a much smaller mortgage than you. Sometimes I've wondered if I'm just a bit mad and silly for feeling like that, it's comforting to know these feelings are normal. In real life I don't know anyone else in the same position so it's difficult to know if it is actually normal! I felt absolutely sick with anxiety when I moved into my house alone after a break up (first mortgage), I was terrified I would somehow lose the house and be unable to pay the mortgage.  I was full of regret that I was in a new location and hadn't bought in a more expensive area near friends and social support. I was just too frightened to borrow more than x3.5 my salary at the time. 

I was late 30s and kicking myself for failing to buy earlier and making bad financial decisions in my youth.  I felt such a failure. I'm childless and that is financially easier but psychologically tough. Reading your thoughts brought back the anxiety and dehumanising effect of my landlords. That is one of the main benefits of renting and I'm so glad I don't have that nonsense in my life anymore. I feel completely relaxed and safe at home - so many landlords happily let themselves in without asking or warning. That will never happen here. 

I too felt overwhelmed with maintenance and anxiety about repairs. I haven't done much about this - a few simple things myself, hiring people when I have to. It's taken me a long time to just accept that things aren't perfect and that is OK - it's still a million times better functioning and presented than any rental! Somehow because it's my house I felt immediately responsible for sorting everything like yesterday. ;0  I am really impressed and inspired by those courses you have taken - what a brilliant idea! When I can I'm going to steal that idea because it would be good for my confidence.

In terms of taking out a large mortgage - now a few years in I wish I had been a lot braver and had borrowed the max to buy where I really wanted to be. I love my house and neighbours, I'm happy but if I could go back I would believe in myself a bit more. I am now left thinking about the upheaval of moving and doing it again, something I still can't decide on! I am earning a bit more now and managing large overpayments and saving, I have a solid grasp of my finances. I am torn between trying to pay off my current house asap (could probably just about manage 6 years if I'm very strict and nothing blindsides me) or just get on with moving somewhere more costly. I was just going to move but I'm in the middle of trying to make a significant career change (in the long run with better earning opportunities and more sociable hours) and that would involve a period of uncertainty after a 5 year training period - assuming I take another 1-3 years to get on the training scheme. It's a long path. So having a low or nonexistent mortgage at that point would be good...but then I'm going to be a lot older. Struggling with this but the pandemic might make the choice for me now! I was fascinated by your amazing career and earning capacity - you should be seriously proud of that. It's something I am trying hard to work on, improving my career and increasing my salary. There is only so much scrimping that can be done and high house prices demand a high single salary.     
 
I look forward to following your journey. There is no doubt in my mind that you will be MF in ten years time. 

Hi there Sofarbehind
Thank you so much for joining in. I really feel so much better with all you laddies joining me and letting me into your circumstances. After the divorce I have really lived such a lonely life and have been feeling overwhelmed by everything as I truly did not have any friends in exactly my circumstances. The friends I have are either married and have joint mortgage or are single and don’t have a mortgage. All those factors make it difficult to talk about what you are going through on a daily basis.
I must say doing the courses have really given me confidence in managing the house. 
We will certainly keep each other motivated!
It’s really interesting how there is so many of us laddies starting much later to gain our freedom by getting a single mortgage. Let’s keep on gaining financially empowered as single woman. 🥰
xx

doingitanyway

Hello SLLM thank you for starting this thread. I have found your reflections so interesting. 
I wanted to touch base and introduce myself. Briefly, I am early 50s and mortgage and debt free. I've had my struggles but I made it through and so will you. I do think people generally feel they can take advantage of single women and my HUGE ISSUE is tradesmen treating me like an idiot with the jobs they do and the price they quote. I have major job outstanding and my heart drops at the thought of starting the whole quote/job business again. But I have to do it as I want to move so need to do the basics. I'm thinking of renting in the area I want to live in before I buy so your advantages and disadvantages of renting were of very helpful. And I've added doing a course (so I can manage the smaller jobs) to my list of things to do!

In this difficult time I feel incredibly fortunate that I have my own home and for all the challenges it has been worth it for me as I am sure it is/will be for you. 

Sistergold

doingitanyway said:

Hello SLLM thank you for starting this thread. I have found your reflections so interesting. 
I wanted to touch base and introduce myself. Briefly, I am early 50s and mortgage and debt free. I've had my struggles but I made it through and so will you. I do think people generally feel they can take advantage of single women and my HUGE ISSUE is tradesmen treating me like an idiot with the jobs they do and the price they quote. I have major job outstanding and my heart drops at the thought of starting the whole quote/job business again. But I have to do it as I want to move so need to do the basics. I'm thinking of renting in the area I want to live in before I buy so your advantages and disadvantages of renting were of very helpful. And I've added doing a course (so I can manage the smaller jobs) to my list of things to do!

In this difficult time I feel incredibly fortunate that I have my own home and for all the challenges it has been worth it for me as I am sure it is/will be for you. 

Hello there Doingitanyway
Thank you for joining in. It is really wonderful that you let me into your circumstances, that you have been on the other side of being mortgage free to now where you are about to move again. It’s really inspiring that you are moving over 50. I don’t envy you with the renovations coming up! Tradesman are the worst as they just treat us as stupid just because we are woman! Just put your foot down and show them that woman rule, we can be tough too! 

Tell us how the quotations and renovations go.
Good idea to rent before committing for sure. Also good to have nothing to sell when buying as this makes it more straightforward I found.  

XX 

skye_blue

Hi
Hope you and your family are well
I live a few miles outside Manchester so not mega prices like your area
I live in a 2 bedroom house and have tried a lodger but it didn't suit, so im really not comfortable withe revisiting that again
I owe £68,000 and pay something every month it varies.  Last year at a particular low moment I spent a few thousand pounds having my kitchen and other jobs done i thought why not enjoy your house now and stop worrying about the future, i still feel as though it was right as i love my home now
I bought this house on a shared ownership deal and over the years and increased the mortgage until the remainder is now all my mortgage.  Should i have stayed at 50:50 its that hindsight argument again
I pay additional amounts into my works pension so that could be my get out clause but i can't bank on that, see what i mean about things going around and around
Anyhow enough rambling, take care and stay safe

Sistergold

frankersBri said:

Stumbled across this thread today when I was looking for inspiration and I am so glad I did! I'm a single lady with a pretty large mortgage to pay off! 4 days ago I completed buying one of my best friends out of our property. We bought together 4 years ago to get onto the property ladder and get out of the renting rat race. I wanted control over all of my finances, she wants to go travelling. A great solution was I buy her out!
COVID-19 is putting paid to her travelling plans for a while, so she'll be my lodger for at least a few months bringing some welcome income. But I am officially in control of all of my finances for the first time in years and I'm excited! I have £181,500 to pay off and want to get started with some overpayments asap. I'm lucky that I have quite a bit of money saved up, and I think I'll be getting some commission from work next month so I may be able to make a good lump payment to knock a few grand off at the start. 
Long term, I'm hoping to reduce the term of my mortgage quite significantly. Halving it to 11.5 years would be amazing, but I'd be happy if I could knock 6 years off the current 21 year term. I'm only 31, currently have no partner or children so I am well placed to be focused and reduce this debt. But I want to do it whilst maintaining a quality of life that keeps me happy. I love travelling so want to ensure I am still able to do that (once we're allowed again!) and want to ensure I can keep being sociable with friends. So prudent budgeting with YNAB will be my friend and I'm looking forward to holding myself to account with my goals! 
Hopefully this thread will be a good support network for all of us single ladies trying to achieve MF status!

Hello frankersBri
Thank you for joining in. I was really impressed by how you and your friend worked together and got a mortgage to get out of the rent bind! Wow it was the most brilliant and practical thing to do. Well done also that you were focused enough to be in a position to buy her out when she wanted to use her money for other things.I wish more girls/woman work together like this? Well done and welcome to the world of Single Laddies with Large mortgage(SLLM). Now you will be more secure than your previous date well done!
xx

Sistergold

skye_blue said:

Hi
Hope you and your family are well
I live a few miles outside Manchester so not mega prices like your area
I live in a 2 bedroom house and have tried a lodger but it didn't suit, so im really not comfortable withe revisiting that again
I owe £68,000 and pay something every month it varies.  Last year at a particular low moment I spent a few thousand pounds having my kitchen and other jobs done i thought why not enjoy your house now and stop worrying about the future, i still feel as though it was right as i love my home now
I bought this house on a shared ownership deal and over the years and increased the mortgage until the remainder is now all my mortgage.  Should i have stayed at 50:50 its that hindsight argument again
I pay additional amounts into my works pension so that could be my get out clause but i can't bank on that, see what i mean about things going around and around
Anyhow enough rambling, take care and stay safe

Hello There
No matter what nothing beats the peaceful enjoyment you have had living in your own house I believe. I also believe when you get to retirement you will find it will all work out somehow. From what I have seen like most of us ladies you have been a victim of one situation or another and even just being a woman in this world seems to put us at some financial disadvantage but so far you have managed to even be able to get this far. Taking over 100% of the house was a good idea no matter what as to be honest should house prises go up which they generally do you will benefit from the appreciation. “It will come out in the wash” as the saying goes.
Stay connected 🥰

Sistergold

Confession Confession - A tale of the fox
Dear Laddies, I hope you are all doing well so far this week?
After completion I did not move into my house straight away as I had renovations done(two months). This gave foxes time to really think that they could “take over the garden” I think. Since moving in I have had a little problem with Mr Fox pooing in my garden exactly same places each time. It is territorial marking I understand. I like to think its a male fox as well as I don’t expect Mrs fox to behave in such an un-lady like manner? Anyway asking around onto how to stop Mr Fox from visiting I decided to wee in a potty and pour it over wherever there was poo🤫. At this point I must say I also asked my older son to do the same that is take a potty to the toilet and wee in it then go pour it over any areas where there was fox poo. When we did this the fox stopped pooing in the garden for some time but recently it started again as we had stoped once the fox stopped. I then took it upon myself to take wee in a potty and pour over Mr fox’s poo without asking my son. Well this didn’t really stop Mr fox? I then checked around and found that it is not any wee that works but male wee. Laddies can you believe it, male wee works best? Can you believe that the fox will  respond to my son’s wee and not my own? I just had to laugh that even animals discriminate against females, now I have to be begging for male wee? Imagine every time I get a male visitor I will be like “please may I have a sample of your wee to use as I have foxes I need to get rid of?
I had initially researched other methods but it all seemed like it will work out to be expensive in the long run if it even works. There are strong smelling liquids that can be purchased but you have to continually be using in the garden to keep on “scenting” the garden, or some other electronic gadgets that can be installed! I would rather use the money on mortgage overpayments!

Conclusion 
“Urine: 
It may seem an unusual one, but like the hair, foxes are naturally put off by the smell of urine. Not only human urine but also urine from other predators of the fox, i.e. larger animals. It has been reported that it is the best to use the urine of a male candidate for the best results. Also you need to use the urine from time to time especially whenever you notice that they are back or after it rains as scent of wee or any other chemical would have have been washed away.
Well its worth trying, what have you got to lose? It is free!“
Other deterrents I have not tried
-Human hair
- A radio/noise
-Mirrors
-Other Natural Repellents : These include garlic, chilli pepper and capsaicin -when boiled and mixed together

Please tell me of your tales of Mr fox I won’t tell anyone🤐

Sistergold

Reflections for today
Beware of fence and position of house
Good morning ladies. Happy bank holiday!
I hope my reflections today will help someone make a more informed decision in choosing a house. I also hope it will help to know of potential problems and how to or how not to deal with them when it comes to fences.

I was just sitting in the garden having some oatmeal and cup of tea, it is really a nice sunny morning today where I am in London and I am already being scotched by the sun. I hope you are having this beach side weather too girls?

Anyways being in the garden just reminded me that I really need to talk about the fence observations wisdoms that I have gained over the years and especially now with the purchase and living in my current home. The good old saying that nothing is perfect seems to always apply to me for some reason. To be honest when I got this house it felt perfect. Don’t get me wrong even now it is still almost perfect but then if there was no annoyance then life will stop being fun isn’t it? That being said I don’t dwell on the negatives of a situation but talking about it might help another lady avoid this particular annoyance to an otherwise perfect life of Single Lady Large Mortgage(SLLM).

If I am sitting in the garden with my back to the house, on my left I have a fence for which I am jointly responsible for with my neighbor on that side. They are a lovey couple and the fence looks well kept. Right at the back is my back fence for which I am responsible. I don’t have a direct neighbor there as such as there is an access road which is private to the houses across that road. This back fence is mine and its in a good state but I will probably need to paint/treat it to look better and for protection, I have not really decided which way to go with that. Now on my right I share fence with SEVEN(7), yes seven neighbors, 4 home fences towards the back of my house and 3 towards the front! 😔

Laddies this is my topic for discussion today. When buying a house a fence, I have now concluded will tell you a lot about how much potential problems you might have with your neighbors. It will probably point out how easy or how difficult a time you will have with them. It’s is really important I have concluded to be weary of the fence you are not going to be responsible for as really it can affect the enjoyment of your garden. Like now I am sitting in the garden, the fence on my left is in good condition, at the back is in good condition. Now on my right the first two are really falling apart and the other two are in good condition. Towards the front the three fences are in good condition. My house is in a close and I am the last house in that close. Our close is at a T with houses on the road with the 7 fences, as I am the last house, 7 of the houses we are at a T with, all their back fences join up to form my right fence! Since I moved in I have been scratching my head on how I can figure out which house to knock on to discuss the problem fences? 

The first fence which is broken was like that when I viewed the house, my seller was honest to tell me that she had contacted the house owners several times but they had not fixed it, the house now has new owners a young couple who have beautifully renovated the said house and I am hoping they will be more caring about the said fence. The fence next to it I could not really see during house viewing as that part was covered by a hedge( hedge is mine but fence is not) and when I moved in I then went on to remove the hedge and it then turned out that the fence was falling apart and had been supported by my hedge so it also needs fixing. All along I have just been putting up with it as to be honest I just didn't have the energy to approach 7 neighbors to figure out the fences.

Now one positive thing from this lockdown has been that I quickly went and knocked on the doors of all the houses with a plan from the council on which as I knocked on each door I then wrote the house numbers for future identification. Lockdown meant there was a better chance of me finding people at home. I kept social distance, wore a mask and I introduced myself as the new owner of the house at their back and asked them for their contact numbers and gave them mine so that we don’t need to come knocking every time there is an issue. I managed to meet most of the neighbors but more importantly I met all the ones with the broken fences. Well its lockdown and I don’t expected the fences to be fixed as yet but fingers crossed they will do so soon when lockdown is over.

Previously with Mr Ex we once had a property where the neighbor on our left(when facing garden with my back towards house) who never ever repaired or fix or install their fence. They did not mind our two gardens merging into one big garden! They had children who were a bit unruly and for the 7 years we had the property we ended up being responsible for the fence on our right(legally our responsibility) and the fence on our left(which was supposed to be the neighbors responsibility). We decided not to create a fuss as this might mean now we are in continuous dispute and so will affect house when we want to sell.

In another property with Mr Ex  we were the first house in our road. The location of this house was such that there was a Close at our back, a road at the front and a road on the side(left side if standing at the front of house facing the house). We loved the house and stayed in it for 15years but we had all sort of troubles in that house. On this left side where we did not share a fence with anybody it was truly a nightmare. At the back because there was a Close and houses so we in a sense did not have privacy. Although there was a very high double brick wall covering side and back of garden, children from the neighborhood used to jump and sit on our high wall and look into our garden just for fun. Outside our high wall we also had a wrap around garden which wrapped round all the way to front of house. This garden was surrounded by a low (80cm) double brick wall. We used to have people sit on that wall, sometimes we would find used condoms behind the low wall. Also we would find people would just throw rubbish into this low walled garden. So to prevent teenagers having sex behind this low walled side garden we removed this low wall completely for some years. This helped to make people forget about our wall as a meeting point, but people now started walking through this part of our garden and along the front.
We then went on to put a gated concrete fence and that helped a lot. Because it was concrete it was not thick enough to sit on and because it was gated no one got into it. Also part of that garden we converted into parking, moving parking from the front of the house to the side of the house which was a plus also.

In my current house one of the 7 houses have a wooden fence and also a hedge which overhangs onto my side of the garden and over my garage. The hedge is tall and gives them privacy I guess. The neighbor is nice and he does come round into my garden with permission to trim this hedge. He needs to climb and walk on-top of my garage though to do this trim as its a tall hedge hanging now over my garage. My garage is a flat roof and is now leaking. I am hoping to put a new roof and to be honest with this I don’t want anyone walking on this roof in the future. Because it’s leaking at present I have since told the neighbor not to climb onto roof as probably boards are no longer strong enough to support him. So much to deal with neighbours on the issue of shared boundaries. 
 
Conclusion
When looking for a house look at how many neighbors you will end up dealing with. If there are many home fences which form part of your boundary fence then be prepared to deal with a mixed bag of people increasing chances of future problems and in a way causing more expense on your part. A very run down fence means neighbor probably does not care, can not afford and might not fix fence. You don’t want to be having some ongoing fence battles where you should just be having a good time in your home. 
Beware a neighbors hedge or tree overhanging into your property as this will potentially be your expense too as they may decide to just take care of their side of things. Tree overhanging when you need to trim the branches will likely cost hundreds at a time. Tree belonging to your neighbor will take time to sort out if roots come into your property and threaten to damage foundation of your property. 
Not wise to start a dispute with an already uncivilized neighbor as this will cause problems later when you sell. 

I have leant not to be the first house on the street or road. Somehow it creates so much access into your property and its really not safe and I would not do it especially now as a single woman. I also found having a proper road running to the back of your garden is a big NO NO, but a private access road is okay (more privacy from neighbors at the back)
It is really ideal to have neighbors directly on both sides for security but just one/2 neighbors on each fence is best( I have seven on my right side!)

I found it a good idea to introduce yourself to the neighbors I share a fence with, give them my number and take theirs so as to be able to contact each other in times of emergency. If you are burgled for instance or you are not there and your house is damaged say in a storm they can contact you about it etc also when fence has a problem you can kindly remind them to fix it?

Also be a good neighbor and keep your fence looking good. 🥰
YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR HOUSE BUT NOT YOUR NEIGHBORS, the saying goes, so keep them to as few as possible! 

Have any of you experienced any fence issues with neighbors? I hope you all have lovely fences, I can not say I have at present!

doingitanyway

Hello Sistagold, your stories about the foxes made me laugh and sympathise at the same time. I had a few years when the foxes took over my home as I worked away a lot and they moved in on my garden. Plus the back fence (not mine ) was broken down so they had easy access from another property where the garden was overgrown, although to be fair mine wasn't exactly manicured. I tried talking to the neighbour but he was an absent landlord so nothing changed.
To make matters worse one of my neighbours FED THE FOXES. I kid you not...So you can imagine the foxes felt all their Christmases had come at once! I even had a dead fox on my lawn twice!!!
Sometimes it isn't that someone doesn't care when fences are not replaced. It can be illness or in my case lack of funds. I had to prioritise paying the mortgage and there wasn't spare. Anyway once I had the money I built new fences of great quality. I even replaced the fence that wasn't mine (rather than start a battle) and the foxes couldn't get in. Peace and no poo. Heaven! I have been fox-free for a few years now.
I hope you get both situations resolved. For me the two were linked.