SLLM (Single Lady Large Mortgage)

slm6002

Hello, I have read from the start and will be following with great interest.  I'm currently in the process of divorce and I having many ups and downs.  I will be taking over the mortgage on our current home which I purchased before we got together, but after our second child put OH onto the mortgage.  We have been on an interest only mortgage for the past 15 years but after clearing all other debts I started putting extra money towards our capital.  Since OH moved out I have stopped over paying as I will not give him the benefit of me budgeting well if I am still to transfer him his portion (not yet agreed).  And although I have not yet got my house back in my name, I will be following for when I do.  I am today going to ring my mortgage people to see what I can do, as most of my monthly income comes from universal credits, and I am not sure if they are taken into consideration.  Hopefully I will find out.  I always go for fixed mortgages for as long as I can as I like the certainty of how much I will need to pay.  And finally a vote for a dishwasher for me, but teach the children to unload it lol

Sistergold

@HelloB
I was a bit confused about my mortgage as they said that all OPs under £1000 go to reduce my balance but technically on paper my mortgage term remains the same. 🤔 so since balance is gone down I save on interest. So to me it meant I could take some mortgage holiday using the OP funds if need be. But I called last week or so and learnt that no, the OPs can not be accessed at all once paid and can not go towards mortgage holiday. So my thoughts are I should only make OPs if I am happy with emergency fund which for me as a single person with these uncertainties I should think anything from a 6 months upwards will take off the pressure? Once at 6 months then one can maybe do half OP half available funds to savings? With 6 months OP if job is also secure then one might then also just carry on with OPs? Emergency fund really needs to be a priority for a single person I think? 

Another fall back is having cleared
 credit cards and having them as emergency as well. For instance cash in emergency fund can be used to pay mortgage and credit card used for groceries. I am talking about if now there is really no option as one does not want to now be in too much debt but if you are not working then tough times and all? Throughout my working life I have always kept credit cards I don’t have a problem with using them unnecessarily and I am a hard worker so I know in my normal self I should soon be able to pay them. I think at present I have two cards each with £17k so total £34k available balance. The cards are a cushion if things really get bad.  So for instance if I am doing renovations I will have the cash saved but will use credit cards to purchase all items I need then pay off when convenient I just like to keep them active for the rainy days. I don’t like the idea of borrowing from people. 

I have gone for 1year savings to cover mortgage and 6 months savings to cover living expenses. The 6 months living expenses I can stretch with credit card usage. I truly have to always make sure I can pay the mortgage. I know I am being over cautious as my job is also quite secure but hey life can be life and there is only me and with COVID looks like there is even more to life than I every thought! 

With OPs I am going to carrying on with paying interest charged every month so that all Monthly payments go to capital repayment. I am now not trying to make large OP which I will do once yearly if life is looking okay. 

I cancelled my income protection about February this year as I read the terms and just felt it was a waste of money. It only payed so much for so long blah blah blah. Making OPs seemed better at the time. 

Xx

Sistergold

@Sandyra
Are you just keeping 1month emergency fund of £1250? 

Sistergold

@slm6002
My thoughts are really with you as you sort out your way to single home ownership. I hope whatever you need to pay your OH you will be able to afford. Divorce is not easy for sure as it brings uncertainties about the roof over the head! Please let us know how you are progressing and we will keep our fingers crossed for you. Xx
Another vote for dishwasher it seems! 

slm6002

Thank you - I am really hoping OH just agrees as he has said he will, but I also know he has others whispering in his ear over what they think I should be offering!  Anyway once it is mine I will start overpaying.  I am due some inheritance but not going to be given it until everything has been sorted.  I am then in 2 minds because I also need a new kitchen and bathroom and many little repairs that have been left so long as OH was never any good at DIY and it was considered a mans job, or do I put it towards the mortgage?  Who knows at the moment.  The other week I mended the leaky toilet and still every time I flush it, it makes me smile.  Still got a long way to go but happy to learn some more DIY type things.

Sandyra

Sistergold said:

@Sandyra
Are you just keeping 1month emergency fund of £1250? 

Hi SG

Sorry my post may not have been clear, since lockdown (end of March, which coincides with my payday) I’ve been saving £1250 each month towards my EF. I was initially saving £250 in a regular saver so just topping £1000 into my Marcus account. Fingers crossed 🤞🏾 I won’t need to use it. 

I was planning to get a lodger in before lockdown to prop up my OP, but not sure under the circumstances.

Sistergold

Sandyra said:

Sistergold said:

@Sandyra
Are you just keeping 1month emergency fund of £1250? 

Hi SG

Sorry my post may not have been clear, since lockdown (end of March, which coincides with my payday) I’ve been saving £1250 each month towards my EF. I was initially saving £250 in a regular saver so just topping £1000 into my Marcus account. Fingers crossed 🤞🏾 I won’t need to use it. 

I was planning to get a lodger in before lockdown to prop up my OP, but not sure under the circumstances.

Oh now I understand! Good preparation there @£1250/month

Sistergold

slm6002 said:

Thank you - I am really hoping OH just agrees as he has said he will, but I also know he has others whispering in his ear over what they think I should be offering!  Anyway once it is mine I will start overpaying.  I am due some inheritance but not going to be given it until everything has been sorted.  I am then in 2 minds because I also need a new kitchen and bathroom and many little repairs that have been left so long as OH was never any good at DIY and it was considered a mans job, or do I put it towards the mortgage?  Who knows at the moment.  The other week I mended the leaky toilet and still every time I flush it, it makes me smile.  Still got a long way to go but happy to learn some more DIY type things.

Let’s hope he just agrees about the money especially him knowing this was your house initially and you have children together? The problem is selfishness and greed comes in the way of what’s best really for someone you once loved who is even going to look after the kids! 

I wish you so much luck needless to say for me I have decided that as it comes to property I will no longer be joining things up with anybody no matter how in love we think we are! Don’t want to be homeless again! You can tell I don’t have Any more faith in man! Lol
xx

Sistergold

Reflections for today. 

If I could go back in time I would ....... Would not....

I know we will all find this funny but hey I think we are allowed to talk from experience? I would really love us to talk about what we did knowingly or unknowingly that helped us be in a good position to quickly stand on our own two feet after breakdown of relationship with other half. What do you wish you had done while you were married or in a relationship that would have helped you once you became single. 

What are you thankful for? 
For me 
I am glad I never gave up my career to be a stay at home mom💪🏾  As financially the restart was not so bad

I wish both me and Ex had each our own small properties and a joint property as it was not fun starting from scratch. 🙀
I wish I had saved on the side for myself 🤔 🤫 it would have helped me take off in the planet of singledom very quickly
I wish I had divorced earlier Rather than hold on and hope for the best 🧐 instead I just wasted precious time. 

I am thankful I left in the nick of time making it possible to start again in a way managed to pick up the pieces. I am thankful for where I am now being in my own house, affording to pay my mortgage and having a hope for the future. 

Side note
All the time I was married I felt very bad when I met other woman in a relationship/married being comfortable being looked after and having no plan as to when they will go back to gaining some kind of financial independence. Does this mean I don’t have hope in relationships? I just feel one needs a fall back plan. Somewhere to start?  I don’t know what are your thoughts ladies? Can you trust someone with your whole present and future that they will always be loving and kind and will provide for you? That they will be there forever? Should you trust enough to give up your career to be at home full time?

**** let’s feedback please as maybe one day one of our daughters can bump into our nuggets of wisdom!

Sistergold

👆🏾Ladies could we call the above “Marriage dos and don’ts”?