Cripplng gambling debt, no idea where to make savings

LadyGnome

I agree with the tough love you are getting here. I worked in a bookies as a student and I saw how some people got sucked in to chasing the dream. The worst were the one’s who had a bit of a win and then gave it all back within a few hours. Even when they were ahead they couldn’t walk away. 

Your position is a consequence of your choices; not your parents’ choices - YOUR choices.  This is not their problem to fix.  We grow and learn by falling on our faces, picking ourselves up and wading back out of the pile of unmentionable we have got ourselves into. Don’t drag your parents in with you. 

Serious point 
I don’t know how old your parents are or their state of health. There are provisions around older people transferring /lending large sums of money if they may need social care provision in the future  - check deprivation of assets/capital. 

Abandon

Message received loud and clear guys. I've been feeling lower than a snakes belly about this remortgaging thing. I'll speak to them again tonight. 

[Deleted User]

Have you told them it's gambling debt or did you just say it's debt racked up from living expenses and "lack of income"?

I wouldn't let them remortgage to pay your gambling debt off. 

Abandon

Deleted_User said:

Have you told them it's gambling debt or did you just say it's debt racked up from living expenses and "lack of income"?

I wouldn't let them remortgage to pay your gambling debt off. 

They know its gambling, I confessed everything. They did say they were going to tell the bank exactly why they wanted to remortgage, so I suspect they wouldn't get one anyway, going be comments here. 

cymruchris

Abandon said:

Message received loud and clear guys. I've been feeling lower than a snakes belly about this remortgaging thing. I'll speak to them again tonight. 

Please don’t think we are all out to attack you because of the situation you’re in - we aren’t. The situation is what it is - and you’ve got to get yourself out of it - no matter how tough it’s going to be. If you really can take responsibility and deal with the underlying problem head on - and if it’s necessary - go into a bankruptcy - it’ll help you get through your problems far more than just relying on your parents - taking the equity from their home — and potentially lowering their income at a time when they need it most. By going through a bankruptcy you won’t have access to credit for a very long time (whether it’s 1 year with a 6 year history or a longer bankruptcy order) - that time should allow you to refocus and get yourself back on track - as you won’t be able to borrow anything - and can only spend what you earn. That’s a far more preferable route to putting your parents In this position. I do understand your parents want to help - but the best help they can give you is to let you get through this yourself - and offer moral support. I really hope you will stand up, be proud and refuse their offer of remortgage. 

cymruchris

And to add - if you’ve really come clean - that’s a good step towards dealing with the problem - although it’s far from over yet 👍

Brenster

The best start you can make is banning yourself from online gambling through Gamcare, this can be done very easily.  This, coupled with high street bookies being shut, will force you into a period of non gambling, hopefully you will overcome the immediate urge / addiction to gamble over the initial few weeks while all temptation is unavailable, and will be able to see a little bit clearer once restrictions are lifted and high street bookies eventually do open, and hopefully naturally your urge to go in and gamble will be diminished.  Good Luck.

onwards&upwards

Grumpelstiltskin said:

I hope the lender will refuse your parents plan to remortgage.


Oh and by the way bankruptcies are no longer listed in local newspapers and haven't been for some years.

As I said some days ago grow up and sort your own problems out don't bleed your parents dry.

This is a supportive, helpful part of the forum, where people can turn without fear of being judged however desperate or whatever bad choices they may have made. 

Personally I don't think telling people to 'grow up' fits in with that ethos. 

Applewood1

Good luck. It sounds like you're in some form of denial regarding gambling and the effect it has on your life. Hopefully soon you see this for what it is - not a "vice", but a real, true, dangerous addiction. I have no experience with gambling addiction but my mum is an alcoholic and until she actually decided to take control of her situation, nothing was better. Everything was terrible and consistently so. It just went round in a circle. She's now four years sober (every day I'm thankful!) but it hasn't just been the flick of switch to get to this point. It's been work - commitment - every day to NOT give in to your addiction. From what you've said, it sounds to me (and others here) that you do have an addiction and even if you won £50k tomorrow, the addictive part of your gambling habit would not change. You'd lose that 50k as soon as you won it. Sending you strength and support from afar. 

monetxchange

Your parents must be past/close to retirement age and your grandparents you owe must be late 70s/80+ too. Don't let any of them clean up your mess and have them end up sitting at home skint unable to enjoy their golden years.

Another to add that nobody here is out to attack or make you feel small. Like I said before, most of us have been where you are now. I think the tough love is more about getting you to have your lightbulb moment so you can start to move forward.

We see so many people on here that haven't had that lightbulb go off yet that there's no quick and painless way out of serious debt (and addiction). Excuse after excuse is made on why they can't earn more, can't possibly trim anything from their budget, can manage gambling without help, will definitely clear everything with that consolidation loan. Sure enough, they're back here three years down the line with double the debt. Nobody wants to see that happen to you.

Truth is the only way forward financially is devising a budget to cover every and possible expense and living within your means with the rest. I know it's not particularly thrilling, but I really do hope you get to the stage of accepting that too.