Cripplng gambling debt, no idea where to make savings

Abandon

I've begged my parents not to have that call with the bank tomorrow, I've said I'll sort it. My dad says no son of his is going to be declared bankrupt and it's now a family problem.

I'm hoping the bank says no when they hear the reason. 

onwards&upwards

You don't have to accept any money they try to give you remember. 

theoretica

Abandon said:

I've begged my parents not to have that call with the bank tomorrow, I've said I'll sort it. My dad says no son of his is going to be declared bankrupt and it's now a family problem.

I'm hoping the bank says no when they hear the reason. 

Well that's going to make your options fewer and harder, but there are still possibilities which don't involve putting your parent's house on the line. A debt management plan and a big effort to increase your salary might work. 

John_

Abandon said:

Thanks for everyone's support. 
I confessed all to my parents tonight. There were a lot of tears on all sides when I mentioned bankruptcy, I think my dad is ashamed at the thought of me dragging the family name through the papers . They are looking at partially remortgaging their house to give me a lump sum to pay off my debts, which I will then repay to them at the rate of £200 a month. They have a call with the bank on Friday to discuss it.

I have no intention of gambling again, at least not for a long time. 

Please, don’t let them risk their house because of your weakness. As an adult, it’s time for you to act like one, take responsibility, and not have your family have to bail you out.

onwards&upwards

theoretica said:

Abandon said:

I've begged my parents not to have that call with the bank tomorrow, I've said I'll sort it. My dad says no son of his is going to be declared bankrupt and it's now a family problem.

I'm hoping the bank says no when they hear the reason. 

Well that's going to make your options fewer and harder, but there are still possibilities which don't involve putting your parent's house on the line. A debt management plan and a big effort to increase your salary might work. 

Also, he’s nearly 40, so it’s his decision and his alone. 

Now seems like a great time to cut the financial ties with the parents and start acting as an independent adult, solving his own problems. 

The thought of my dad telling me what I can and can’t do like that is making me twitch! 

cymruchris

Maybe you need to educate your family about bankruptcy - you've had time to read and digest it - they've just had it springed on them out of the blue by you. 

Option A - Remortgage for them - what does it mean to them?

More debt. More financial burden. Lower income every month whilst making repayments. Stress. Worry. Lasts for years. Not being able (likely) to afford the nicer things in life that they do now. Maybe no more holidays? Maybe less 'treats' in the weekly shop? Could YOU rack up more debt? Probably YES - as they'd clear your file allowing you to do it all over again - could they remortgage even more? Will you have learnt a lesson? No. 

Option B - Bankruptcy for you - what does it mean to them?

No change to their circumstances - no additional financial burden (other than maybe helping with the fee). No decrease in monthly income. No stress. No worry. No impact on their life at all. Nobody will know about it except you and them (unless you choose to tell everyone). Could YOU rack up more debt? No. Not for at least 7 years - a chance to sort yourself out, and put yourself on the straight and narrow. Will you have learnt a lesson? Yes!

You should spend time explaining the differences as outlined above.

cymruchris

You should be saying 'No dad of mine will stop me making the right decision, learning my lesson, and putting the house at risk for my mistakes'.

Abandon

cymruchris said:

Maybe you need to educate your family about bankruptcy - you've had time to read and digest it - they've just had it springed on them out of the blue by you. 

Option A - Remortgage for them - what does it mean to them?

More debt. More financial burden. Lower income every month whilst making repayments. Stress. Worry. Lasts for years. Not being able (likely) to afford the nicer things in life that they do now. Maybe no more holidays? Maybe less 'treats' in the weekly shop? Could YOU rack up more debt? Probably YES - as they'd clear your file allowing you to do it all over again - could they remortgage even more? Will you have learnt a lesson? No. 

Option B - Bankruptcy for you - what does it mean to them?

No change to their circumstances - no additional financial burden (other than maybe helping with the fee). No decrease in monthly income. No stress. No worry. No impact on their life at all. Nobody will know about it except you and them (unless you choose to tell everyone). Could YOU rack up more debt? No. Not for at least 7 years - a chance to sort yourself out, and put yourself on the straight and narrow. Will you have learnt a lesson? Yes!

You should spend time explaining the differences as outlined above.

Thank you so much. This is exactly what I'm going to say. 

Abandon

The call with the bank went ahead. The request has been declined, so I'm flying solo now. My dad has called it the darkest day in the family history (we are quite well respected in our culture). 

cymruchris

Abandon said:

The call with the bank went ahead. The request has been declined, so I'm flying solo now. My dad has called it the darkest day in the family history (we are quite well respected in our culture). 

That’s a lucky escape for them - in the nicest possible way. Now you need to focus on doing what’s needed to progress your bankruptcy. They’ll support you mentally I’m sure - but avoid taking their money (aside from possibly some help with the fee if you don’t have the funds available)