I paid of my boyfriends debt

soolin

Old thread alert 

BellaLasagna2018

helpmeplease54321 said:

Hey so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost 6 months he’s 23 I’m 22. When I met him he was very open about his financial situation. I just don’t think I knew the severity. He found that he got sick lost his job and couldn’t keep up with payments such as car insurance and his store cards. He decided to take out loans. I never knew what exactly he meant but I soon found out pay day loans. The arrears built up and he found himself in a lot of debt. Couldn’t really keep a job also. At first I didn’t mind cod when he could he would help and when he couldn’t he couldn’t. I made a mistake told him I had 1k saved up whilst I was at uni and working. He kind of guilt tripped me saying I don’t understand you people that could help me but choose not to you have money in the bank and I’m struggling. Blah blah so
i ignored but there was always that tone. Eventually I have in and said lemmie help you with your arrears and paid it off for him. I regret this because now I feel like he will always fall back on my as I’m good with money. He also recently just bought a computer (on finance) which he will start paying in 6 months. I feel like he is very irresponsible with money and it scares me. Also to give a little context I’ve lent him money numerous times and he is yet to pay be back owes me roughly £1500 and I’ve accepted I may never see that money again. I love him but this debt is putting a strain on our relationship as it’s a lot of our conversation. Taking about paying it off etc but I don’t see that happening. I don’t know what to do shall I be patient I mean loosing your job could happen to anyone, anyone can get sick. But he doesn’t mind buying multiple items on finance whereas I only thing a house and car should be bought on finance. Sorry it’s long I just feel so young and want us to go on holiday but I don’t know he can afford it. He even spoke about us moving in together but I don’t want financial burden from his family as they are also in debt it’s crazy really. I’m the type to put off my 0% interest student overdraft if it’s even just £20 over. Sorry this is very long I don’t know what to do not even told my family about giving him all my savings.

I was in a serious relationship with someone who couldn’t manage their money, who didn’t have the same financial priorities as I did, who pressured me into spending any money I had saved. It made me lie to him and hide any little bit of savings I had. It was misery. 

The fact that your boyfriend of just 6 months - JUST 6 months - felt able to ask for YOUR savings to help him out, made you feel guilty about it is a very bad sign. It will not get better and if you continue with this relationship you may well find yourself dragged into a deep financial hole. 

Think about what you want to achieve and the kind of life you want, and then make a decision as to the future of this relationship. 

MovingForwards

*** Thread is from April and OP never commented again ***

BellaLasagna2018

MovingForwards said:

*** Thread is from April and OP never commented again ***

I hadn’t noticed that, but April is not very far in the past and the thread could be useful to another poster. 

sweetsand

BellaLasagna2018 said:

MovingForwards said:

*** Thread is from April and OP never commented again ***

I hadn’t noticed that, but April is not very far in the past and the thread could be useful to another poster. 

Me too, I had not orginally noted that but it could be helpful to others. 
When I come to this site, I just type the first few letters of MSE in the task bar at times do not realize i land on a lsightly older page start to read it and respond, it's no big deal. Simple solution, if you don't want to talk about it, don't but let the other.
Thanks

helpmeplease54321

I'd like to thank you all for the comments I have broken up with him taken a lot of the advice and learnt my lesson. As we broke up I asked him to pay me back and to my surprise he did it in chunks so after a few months I received all my money back. However, the emotional turmoil i went through in this relationship i wouldn't wish on anyone! Next time ill be smarter again thank you all for the lovely advice. 

sallysaver

helpmeplease54321 said:

I'd like to thank you all for the comments I have broken up with him taken a lot of the advice and learnt my lesson. As we broke up I asked him to pay me back and to my surprise he did it in chunks so after a few months I received all my money back. However, the emotional turmoil i went through in this relationship i wouldn't wish on anyone! Next time ill be smarter again thank you all for the lovely advice. 

Well done you.  I take my hat off to you.  It can't have been easy given the times we are living in. Try to focus, on New Year, new me or should that say new smarter me!!   Good luck.

sassyblue

helpmeplease54321 said:

I'd like to thank you all for the comments I have broken up with him taken a lot of the advice and learnt my lesson. As we broke up I asked him to pay me back and to my surprise he did it in chunks so after a few months I received all my money back. However, the emotional turmoil i went through in this relationship i wouldn't wish on anyone! Next time ill be smarter again thank you all for the lovely advice. 

I'm so glad you got your money back so no harm done in this instance, but what a lesson to learn! He'll never learn and you deserve better, good luck.

Gavin83

To be honest the ex boyfriend actually sounds like quite a reasonable person and certainly not deserving of the criticism he received.

However I do agree with the general advice in this thread, never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

AmberPick

Hello. You are not the first one who's encountered this, I had a guy like that. If he keeps acting this way, you won't be happy. Don't solve all the problems on your own.