I paid of my boyfriends debt

helpmeplease54321

Hey so I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for almost 6 months he’s 23 I’m 22. When I met him he was very open about his financial situation. I just don’t think I knew the severity. He found that he got sick lost his job and couldn’t keep up with payments such as car insurance and his store cards. He decided to take out loans. I never knew what exactly he meant but I soon found out pay day loans. The arrears built up and he found himself in a lot of debt. Couldn’t really keep a job also. At first I didn’t mind cod when he could he would help and when he couldn’t he couldn’t. I made a mistake told him I had 1k saved up whilst I was at uni and working. He kind of guilt tripped me saying I don’t understand you people that could help me but choose not to you have money in the bank and I’m struggling. Blah blah so
i ignored but there was always that tone. Eventually I have in and said lemmie help you with your arrears and paid it off for him. I regret this because now I feel like he will always fall back on my as I’m good with money. He also recently just bought a computer (on finance) which he will start paying in 6 months. I feel like he is very irresponsible with money and it scares me. Also to give a little context I’ve lent him money numerous times and he is yet to pay be back owes me roughly £1500 and I’ve accepted I may never see that money again. I love him but this debt is putting a strain on our relationship as it’s a lot of our conversation. Taking about paying it off etc but I don’t see that happening. I don’t know what to do shall I be patient I mean loosing your job could happen to anyone, anyone can get sick. But he doesn’t mind buying multiple items on finance whereas I only thing a house and car should be bought on finance. Sorry it’s long I just feel so young and want us to go on holiday but I don’t know he can afford it. He even spoke about us moving in together but I don’t want financial burden from his family as they are also in debt it’s crazy really. I’m the type to put off my 0% interest student overdraft if it’s even just £20 over. Sorry this is very long I don’t know what to do not even told my family about giving him all my savings.

Alter_ego

Change Boyfriend. Sorry to be so blunt but it's the only solution.

evenasus

You'd be best posting on this forum... https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/categories/marriage-relationships-families

But dump him pretty quick is the best thing you could do.

lozzy81

Sadly I agree with the above posters, you're young and have a whole life ahead of you, go on the holidays and explore, forget this guy you have known for 6 months, if he is treating you like a cash cow now.... it may only get worse! 

donnac2558

Dump asap, he has found his meal ticket and trying to guilt trip you.

Gilead

The reality is that you bailed him out with no conditions attached, which means you have rewarded his poor financial choices (and they are choices) by giving him free money. However, I do agree that being young can make people somewhat reckless as they only think in the present and do not think about the future. 

For what it is worth depending on if you want to continue in the relationship: discuss with him a payment plan of how he is going to repay you what he owes. £150 pm for 10 months will repay that. I would not consider holidays, finance, or moving in until he can demonstrate he can manage his finances, and the starting point is repaying you. 

I believe most people can learn from mistake, but if they keep getting handouts they will never learn. 

TripleH

I agree with the above. Also Do Not Give Him Another Penny no matter what he claims his position is. Any mess he gets himself in is not be your responsibility, he needs to learn to deal with his own mistakes and the consequences. You are young but you have the sense to feel what he is doing feels wrong, well done for that. Giving him the money (I doubt you will get it back sadly) was a mistake, but you can learn from this and become a stronger person.
You may feel you love him, but what you describe is not a loving relationship of equality, he is behaving like a dependant child and needs to realise he is an adult.

[Deleted User]

The first time you lend money to someone and they fail to pay you back should also be the last time you ever lend them money.  Can't hold a job down either.   You are not going to see that money again so chalk it up to experience and then give him the ol' Spanish archer.

BeatrixKiddo

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry. I have been you in the past and it never gets better. I wish I could tell my younger self to walk away or make him prove he can grow up and sort it out himself. Sending you massive hugs, but there is only really one answer xx

pollypenny

Why would anyone lend £1000 , then more to someone they've only known 'almost'  six months?  

Not credible. 

littlegreenparrot

You are not responsible for him, he is. 
It's up to you whether or not you want to have the discussion about the money being paid back (I would), but you do need to be absolutely clear in your head, and with him that there will be no more. 
I certainly would not be planning holidays, moving in or making any plans for the future.
Is he working now? If he is a reasonably healthy young man they are crying out for workers in supermarkets, warehouses, fruit picking all kinds of stuff. 
If you want to give it a chance you need to be assertive,  make it clear what your expectations are within a timeframe and stick to them. It is not unreasonable to expect a person to take responsibility for themselves.