April 2020 - loss of loved one and dealing with aftermath...

74jax

I perhaps was wrong is adding my experience to the other thread of a similar nature, so I've coped my post here and will use this thread.
I hope this may help others if they need assistance at arranging 'whatever we can' , at this time.
My original post, posted on 11 April was (I've not quoted incase the other thread gets removed) :
My mam died yesterday. Unfortunately we can't have a church service, but are hoping we can at least get the graveside to see her lowered. 
Our FD was amazing, I live 2hrs away, as does my brother but in the other direction. 
In an ideal world I'd like my husband with me, but not sure I can justify him in the car with me... We have been told immediate family only graveside, we have informed friends / family. 
I plan on creating an online 'something'. My brother will speak, we will have a hymm to videos I have etc. Just something so people feel an 'end' that a funeral can bring. 
I have been told the medical cert will be emailed to registrar, a death cert will be created and posted out. It is not an appointment. 
Her house is locked up and it will remain that way for several months. My coping mechanisms are to be in control. I can plan a funeral, can't sort utilities, can't sort the house. It's limbo. But I take comfort we are 1 of thousands. We can't we really do 'wrong' as it's unprecedented. I just have to go against every fighting instinct I have, and go with the flow.... Be led rather than saddle up and lead. I don't like it, but my goodness I need to look at the positives in anything right now. This thread is useful, people can pick out what they want. 
I've had amazing support. My FD said things are changing daily, I have such compassion for him, he sounded so sad. He said it's his job to support families at this time and he feels distant. He is having to tell people, no they cannot attend. 
He said to me mam will be with him this weekend, not to worry about that. And when she is, she will be treated the way she deserves. Nothing changes. And that was just what I needed in this uncertain time. My thoughts go to everyone in this situation, at this terribly sad time. 

74jax

Thank you for gers for replying :

What a fabulous post in the most trying of times. My condolences to you and your family. 

You and the FD are doing mutual supporting, I'm sure he's highly appreciative of your understanding of his legal obligations whilst doing his best for your mam. He sounds great.

It must be heartbreaking for you, however just because the funeral isn't as expected or wanted the love is still pouring out of your post. Your mam had that in her life.

And to Pollycat for :

I'm also sending my condolences to you 74jax.

With your positive attitude you'll get through this.

And your Mam will understand.

KxMx

As I said to the other poster, I am so sorry for your loss, a vedy hard time which has been made so much harder due to coronavirus. 

Gers

Good idea!

74jax

Silvercar gave this great advice on online funerals :

I haven't read though all the posts, but wanted to say that I "attended" a funeral over Zoom.

Immediate family at the graveside where there was a short service. Immediate family members standing 2m apart when they were from different households. Previously the family had circulated details of the Zoom meeting. In practical terms, the least close person at the funeral stood a few feet back, so they could broadcast using their phone.

Make sure the meeting is scheduled to start a few minutes earlier than the time of the funeral, ensure that key people are given an earlier time so they can log in before the meeting can be congested.

Make sure there is decent mobile signal at the cemetery for the person Zooming.

The person zooming needs to explain what is happening, their voice will be heard clearest, so they need to fill the gaps in proceedings. They can record the meeting to send the recording of the eulogy later to others.

It's a good idea for the meeting host to mute everyone else's microphone during the service - you don't want great aunt Maud revealing family secrets - unmute after the service so those watching can send condolances.

Savvy_sue said :

Just wondering though whether you can't contact the utilities and at least notify them of the death, and see if they can be put onto zero payments, or not chasing for payment? I realise it may be tricky if you don't have account numbers, but my be worth a try. 

I know I was astonished to discover that there was no charge for water from the day mum died, even though it was months before we told them she HAD died because we wanted the water left on, and we could easily pay it. 

74jax

Gers also offered this template :

Another PS - my my father died I wrote one template letter with blanks to fill in with account details. It was just very simple and along the lines of:

Name of company....

Address of company

(your details in there too_

Dear......

Account number......

Name of mother....

Please note that ..... is now deceased. Date of death is.....

Please forward any account information to....at the above address. A copy death certifcate will be supplied on demand once available.

regards

.....

I printed off a number of copies and completed the details as required.

If the 'tell us once' service is still running and available it's very useful as it will contact government agencies for you. Details here - https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/organisations-you-need-to-contact-and-tell-us-once

74jax

KxMx said:

As I said to the other poster, I am so sorry for your loss, a vedy hard time which has been made so much harder due to coronavirus. 

Thank you so much. 
When dad died in 2015, it was easy to keep busy, to plan, follow out wishes....
More than anything I want to see my daughter and hug her... 
Mams house is locked up and just waiting for that day when I walk back in, in a few months time. Cups still on draining board etc..... 
I hear from our funeral director tomorrow, I really hope she can laid with dad.... I have everything crossed the cemetery allows it..... 

badger09

Condolences on your loss, particularly at this awful time.

May I just mention a couple of practical matters that you can, and probably should deal with fairly quickly.

You say your mam's house is all locked up and will remain so for several months.  In 'normal' times, insurers will allow policies to continue but under certain conditions. In my case, a 'responsible adult' had to visit at least once a week to check everything was ok. During winter (not applicable here) central heating had to be left on @ minimum 10C I think, so that pipes didn't freeze.   I lived 200 miles from my late sister so an amazing neighbour did the visits for me. Please contact the house insurer asap and ask their advice.

You can also contact utility companies. Most of them have online specialist bereavement teams who can advise what to do. You can also arrange for her post to be redirected.

All this assumes you are executor/administrator. If not, I'm sure you will pass it on to the relevant person.

-taff

Don't forget to contact the council re council tax, they will usually stop it for 6 months. If you can get a staement from the bank before the accounts are frozen, you will see who DDs go to and be able to let them know too if necessary.

74jax

badger09 said:

You say your mam's house is all locked up and will remain so for several months.  In 'normal' times, insurers will allow policies to continue but under certain conditions. In my case, a 'responsible adult' had to visit at least once a week to check everything was ok. During winter (not applicable here) central heating had to be left on @ minimum 10C I think, so that pipes didn't freeze.   I lived 200 miles from my late sister so an amazing neighbour did the visits for me. Please contact the house insurer asap and ask their advice.

You can also contact utility companies. Most of them have online specialist bereavement teams who can advise what to do. You can also arrange for her post to be redirected.

All this assumes you are executor/administrator. If not, I'm sure you will pass it on to the relevant person.

Thank you.
We can't travel to the house unfortunately and don't know anyone other than 1 elderly person about a mile away who unfortunately is in shielding.  I'm dreading walking back in to find it the same as when she left it... But that's for another time.... 
Insurance is sorted, but that's a great pointer for others I forgot to mention. 
I've tried the utilities (well BT and gad/electrical) but have been told to wait for a death cert which will be weeks, so can't do anything there unfortunately.  The TellusOnce will be a few weeks down the line once we have unique no from registrar. 
I don't mind her post going there, she only got very little. In the 4 weeks she was in hospital she only got 1 letter. We had everything already set up as online.
Yes I'm executor, joint with brother and we are only beneficiaries.  

74jax

-taff said:

Don't forget to contact the council re council tax, they will usually stop it for 6 months. If you can get a staement from the bank before the accounts are frozen, you will see who DDs go to and be able to let them know too if necessary.

Thank you. I'm lucky really as I had PoA so dealt with everything. It was all online with everything to my email.  Therefore I know all incoming / outgoing etc.
Council have said to wait for a death cert, but that is looking like weeks, so I can't do anything there just yet.
It's just the 1 bank account which again makes it so much easier. When dad died we simplified everything as much as we could.
Had we not been in the middle of this pandemic, I'm sure we'd have sailed through everything. 
I can't even make a start on the house.... Its just awaiting game....