Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay my friend to stay with her?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A school friend of 30 years has moved a three-hour drive away, to a large country house with holiday cottages. For her 40th birthday I've been asked to pay £150 to stay there for the weekend, but it seems wrong to have to pay my friend.

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onwards&upwards

You’ve been invited to a birthday party and then asked to pay?  

Nope!  Not happening. 

If she’s invited you to the party and you’ve ASKED to say in her holiday let to attend then yes, pay. 

gettingtheresometime

Again a MMD that needs more context.

If the friend invited you to her party and said there was an option to rent one of the cottages that's completely different to your friend inviting you, saying you could stay at hers and then dropping in the £150 bill

Pollycat

If it feels wrong to pay, then don't pay.
Don't go.
If it was me, I would decline.
And I'd rethink how important the friendship was to me.
You could always say you're self-isolating.  

RobSurreyUK

Depends what you are actually paying for.... Is this really £150 as a "nightly rate" like an AirBnB or something? Or is it really a food and drinks contribution.
Seems entirely possible and within the realm of possibility that its really a food + drink contribution 

Tailwagger

Dreadful!What cheek. No real friend would do that. Don't go. She's not worth it. Buy yourself something nice with the money you would have spent on her present & find a new friend who values you & won't take advantage of your good nature.

littlebird37

If she's asking for £150 to cover the cost of two nights in the holiday cottage, then how about just staying for the night of the actual birthday and then I assume it would only be £75? If you're staying in her actual house, at no extra cost to herself, then she's got a cheek and I'd say no.

matty220

If you’re staying in one of the holiday cottages then she’ll have the cost of cleaning, laundry etc to get that ready for future guests so maybe a contribution is not unreasonable but I think £150 is a lot. I had this dilemma when I ran a b&b with my sister. People (friends) would come and stay in the guest rooms, not paying and not realising the cost of cleaning plus lost revenue. Its difficult 🤔

lemonreptile

I think that’s terrible. Find an excuse and decline. I’m pretty sure you won’t be the only one!

HiVizz

tell her your self isolating , send a card and go on her 41st when it should be free 

Nannyof22

Simple say I am sorry I can’t make your birthday because it wouldn’t be safe to travel on public transport all that way maybe we can do it again next year?