Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my partner I'm contributing more to our holidays?

Fireflyaway

I'd probably wouldn't mention that you have done it in the past but going forward be more transparent about the cost. Your partner might feel really bad about you paying more, or might prefer to go somewhere else / not go if they realized the true cost. They have the right to decide and by hiding the facts you are denying them that opportunity.

Smodlet

Honesty and trust:  There really is no substitute for either and they go hand-in-hand.  In a relationship, I find it difficult to separate them.

MoneySeeker1

I don't see this as a moral dilemma at all. A moral dilemma is where someone basically knows they are "in the wrong" on something and some people will disapprove of them for being selfish/a liar/a cheat/etc. In this case OP is being generous and caring imo and helping his partner to cover having a holiday at a level it sounds like she can't otherwise afford.

I'd say it's caring and generous of him to help her this way and I certainly wouldn't feel "patronised" (as some posters have put it). I would have thought "That's kind/caring of my other half to do that for me" and feel grateful for it.

Pollycat

MoneySeeker1 said:

I don't see this as a moral dilemma at all. A moral dilemma is where someone basically knows they are "in the wrong" on something and some people will disapprove of them for being selfish/a liar/a cheat/etc. In this case OP is being generous and caring imo and helping his partner to cover having a holiday at a level it sounds like she can't otherwise afford.

I'd say it's caring and generous of him to help her this way and I certainly wouldn't feel "patronised" (as some posters have put it). I would have thought "That's kind/caring of my other half to do that for me" and feel grateful for it.

Most of the MSE Money Moral Dilemmas aren't.

Takmon

MoneySeeker1 said:

I don't see this as a moral dilemma at all. A moral dilemma is where someone basically knows they are "in the wrong" on something and some people will disapprove of them for being selfish/a liar/a cheat/etc. In this case OP is being generous and caring imo and helping his partner to cover having a holiday at a level it sounds like she can't otherwise afford.

I'd say it's caring and generous of him to help her this way and I certainly wouldn't feel "patronised" (as some posters have put it). I would have thought "That's kind/caring of my other half to do that for me" and feel grateful for it.

The OP is telling their partner that their "half" of the cost is X amount but in reality that is only 30% of the cost so they are lying to their partner and being dishonest but with good intentions is certainly a moral dilemma to me. 

If they told them that they only had to pay 30% and they were happy to pay the rest then it would be a kind/caring action but the fact that they have to be dishonest to be able to do this is not acceptable. I think relationships only work if you discuss everything openly and honestly but your opinion may differ. 

crmism

Other than that you should really be honest with your partner, what's your problem? There must be something wrong with your relationship if you find it necessary to conceal the truth. I reckon it's time you came clean.

JayD

As is so often the case with these 'Moral Dilemmas', we have not been given enough information to make a fully informed comment.

However, as a woman who has less income than her husband, I would feel totally patronised if I found out that you had been 'topping up' the holiday fund 'behind my back'. I would also feel that our relationship was on a pretty poor footing if you felt that you not only considered my lower income something requiring sympathy but that you prejudged my reaction to you doing this. Furthermore, I would feel betrayed in that you felt there were some things you considered it OK to be deceitful about in our relationship..

So, I strongly advise that you come clean - and also apologise for your previous dishonesty, no matter how well meaning you thought it was..