Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my partner I'm contributing more to our holidays?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner and I enjoy travelling. I tend to book and pay for everything, and my partner pays me back for their 'half'. I earn roughly twice as much, so usually split costs 70/30 without them knowing, as this means we can travel more throughout the year. I feel I'm being dishonest - but nobody is getting hurt.

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Pollycat

I'd say if you can't be honest about everything in your relationship - including finances - you have a bigger problem than who pays how much towards your holidays.

hazyjo

Can't say without knowing salaries, financial/family status, or your partner.

Some women might be thinking you're a bit mean to only pay half, others may be 50/50 whatever the circumstances. Only you and your OH know how she might feel.

I would tell her. Or maybe say 'you get the flights, I'll get us a nice hotel'. Or just save into a joint account for holidays and now and again add your bonuses or say you've got some spare and you'll top up the holiday account.

I'd not be lying. Not cos of the whole 'lying' thing, just that I can't see how it's of any benefit to anyone. She'll prob eventually find out and either think you've been totally lovely, or that you've been undermining her.

zagfles

hazyjo said:

Can't say without knowing salaries, financial/family status, or your partner.

Some women might be thinking you're a bit mean to only pay half, others may be 50/50 whatever the circumstances. Only you and your OH know how she might feel.

I would tell her. Or maybe say 'you get the flights, I'll get us a nice hotel'. Or just save into a joint account for holidays and now and again add your bonuses or say you've got some spare and you'll top up the holiday account.

I'd not be lying. Not cos of the whole 'lying' thing, just that I can't see how it's of any benefit to anyone. She'll prob eventually find out and either think you've been totally lovely, or that you've been undermining her.

What makes you think the partner is female?

But yes, I agree with you, regardless of gender of partner.

74jax

I would just tell him. But how do you both not know the cost anyway? Do you not choose it and look together? 

REJP

How is this a dilemma please?

vic09

Yes tell your partner, otherwise it may come back to haunt you and cause bigger issues. Personally, I think a healthy relationship requires open and honest communication.

hazyjo

Thought I'd read it. Obviously not.

999pez

Who spits things 50/50 in a relationship?

onwards&upwards

I’d feel massively patronised if I was your partner and found out you’d done this. 

But it then I wouldn’t be letting you plan and book the holiday without my input!

It’s fair that the higher earner contributes more, but it should be discussed and BOTH your opinions should be taken into account. 

Takmon

I think the fact that one person in the relationship doesn't even have any idea how much is being spent on holidays shows their is a big issue with the joint finances. If this is a serious relationship then all finances should be discussed openly and decided on together.