Can anyone advise on being (or not being!) a guarantor?

gettingtheresometime

The other thing I'd add, echoing what Cakeguts has posted, is that once our son had failed his final year, I realised that perhaps he didn't really want to go to Uni but didn't know what he wanted to do post A levels so felt that that was his only option & because  he didn't really want to go, there was no urge to apply himself. 

With regards the house, the other factor that may or may not have considered is regardless of whether the uni lets him back in, Will his other housemates  actually want to share a house with him now?

ambc

Yes, of course, his wellbeing is the priority. We'd made appointments for him with his GP, at a substance misuse service, and with family counselling before I'd even driven down to pick him up. He's already had an assessment and has regular sessions already planned out in our calendar. We're also currently waiting for subsequent referrals to mental health services to come through. I'm now aware that he's been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, but this was something he'd kept from everyone, unfortunately.

So yes, his wellbeing is already being taken care of the best we can. But there are also practical/financial issues to think about - hence this post.

Also, I think I mentioned in a previous reply - I'm now not convinced he was ready for University at that particular point in his life. Maybe he will be at some point in the future, maybe not. Maybe he'll find an alternative. I'm not especially worried about this part right now.

Cakeguts

ambc said:

Yes, of course, his wellbeing is the priority. We'd made appointments for him with his GP, at a substance misuse service, and with family counselling before I'd even driven down to pick him up. He's already had an assessment and has regular sessions already planned out in our calendar. We're also currently waiting for subsequent referrals to mental health services to come through. I'm now aware that he's been suffering from anxiety and depression for a long time, but this was something he'd kept from everyone, unfortunately.

So yes, his wellbeing is already being taken care of the best we can. But there are also practical/financial issues to think about - hence this post.

Also, I think I mentioned in a previous reply - I'm now not convinced he was ready for University at that particular point in his life. Maybe he will be at some point in the future, maybe not. Maybe he'll find an alternative. I'm not especially worried about this part right now.

The first thing I am going to say is this. Please believe me when I say that I don't want to upset you. There are aspects about what I am getting from this university thing and what you are writing which I feel are important.  You say that you are not especially worried about him not going to university.  I would have preferred to read that you are not at all worried about him never going to university.  You have to accept that there is a very good chance that he will never attend university in the future because he went with depression, anxiety and a range of other mental illnesses that had not been picked up and he now has a really really negative association with being at university that will include all universities not just the ones that you have to live away from home to attend.

The other thing is that it is not the job of a young person to tell someone that they have a mental illness. This is why I said that there was probably something wrong with his school.   He may have had depression for years. He may think that how he feels is normal.  He may not have any feeling of normal to compare it to.  Please do not blame him for not saying anything about it. It really was not his job to tell the adults in his life that he had depression.  I have had severe depression as an adult and I didn't know what it was. You can't self diagnose an illness and what he has is a range of illnesses.  What I am trying to tell you is that it isn't the case that he went to university when he wasn't ready it is the case that he went to university when he was ill. He should never ever have gone in the first place and somewhere adults severly let him down by giving him the impression that university was his only option.

He is not going to be able to go back to university in September 2020. Someone needs to communitcate this to him and also the fact that it doesn't matter. 

You need to accept that he probably is never going to go to university and it doesn't matter. There are other options. You also need to accept that he may not be capable of getting any sort of job for quite a long time. It will all depend on his final diagnosis.

The referral to the mental health services is the most important thing that he needs now. 

[Deleted User]

ambc said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

@deannatrois I was thinking the exact same thing. Has the guarantee been set up correctly? 

As far as I know it has. The letting agency is a fairly big agency in a pretty big university city, so I'd presume that it's correct. I also know that presumption is the mother of all... well, anyway. 

There was a clause in the contract that states that guarantors are only liable for the portion of rent payable by their son or daughter, so I was comfortable with that. I wouldn't have been comfortable guaranteeing the rent for the entire property (which is something like 3x or 4x my mortgage!).

You'd be surprised at how many letting agents, and landlords, make an !!!!!! of setting up the guarantee. I only mention it as a potential avenue to explore if your son doesn't come to the realisation that moving into this property is not the way forward and that a replacement tenant is the more sensible idea.